My whole friend group doesn’t side with me

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I had a big fight with my best friend a few months ago. I’ve moved on trying to improve
myself as I started the whole fight in the first place. However, the rest of the group seems to all side with her even though they haven’t heard my side of the story. I was jealous of the way she didn’t prioritise me than her other friends and excluded me but still called me her best friend. So I ended things cause she was joking with the friend group that she hates me. But now to them I’m the bad guy cause they see no reason why I ended it and say I hurt her even though she told me otherwise. I confided in a friend who was “neutral” to both of us throughout this whole situation and she’s been really supportive until yesterday. I asked her how I could improve myself and she told me to stop victimising myself. Fyi I’ve never talked about my side cause I know my ex-bestie cares about her impression. The others in the friend group have also said to me that they don’t understand why I broke off the friendship and Don’t want to even hear me out. All I ever wanted was for them to be happy. They are my life and my happiness and it hurts me so much that I started this whole thing. But, am I really at fault? Or are they being unreasonbale?

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I think you’re not at fault, but one thing you can try is maybe talk to certain members of the group that you think will listen to you or talk to your ex best friend. The friend group did not find out your side of the story yet, so all they are hearing is from the side of your ex best friend. Talking to them might help them understand a bit more.
I would also suggest explaining to your neutral friend that you’re going through a very hard time and you understand that it sounds like you’re victimising yourself because you keep talking to her about the situation, and tell her it’s fine if she doesn’t want to keep listening to you.
Ik that you said that your ex bestie cares about her impression so talk to her first.

If all else fails find other friends. If your friends still won’t listen to you then you shouldn’t consider people like that your friends.

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thank you so much. I guess it just feels nice that this is a platform I can actually get help which isn’t bias or anything. I’ll try to do what you said and hopefully get my life back on track 🫶🏽

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Hi @goofy.com

I can see that you’ve been going through a challenging and emotionally tumultuous time, especially concerning the fallout with your best friend and the subsequent responses from your mutual friend group. It’s really disheartening when there’s a conflict and it seems like the support from others isn’t coming your way - and I want to affirm your feelings.

The decision to end the friendship stemmed from your feelings of being excluded and undervalued, and it’s clear that your intention wasn’t to cause harm, but to prioritize your well-being. It’s a painful situation when those closest to you seem to take sides without understanding your perspective.

The conflict seems to stem from a lack of communication or understanding of your feelings, especially when your friends haven’t heard your side of the story. It’s understandable that you’ve been holding back your perspective to maintain your ex-bestie’s impression, which is commendable, but it’s causing you hurt and a sense of being misunderstood.

It makes sense to feel hurt and unacknowledged despite your genuine desire for the happiness of your friends, it is very challenging. It’s normal to question whether the fault lies with you or with the responses from your friends.

Despite all of these going on, I encourage you to consider how you can take care of yourself during this emotionally taxing time. Seeking support from someone who can truly listen without judgment or seeking the guidance of a counselor might help provide insight and comfort as you navigate these feelings.

Remember, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel hurt and confused. You’re not alone in this, and we are here to support you. Do keep us updated on how you’re coping.

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Hello, I know it’s been quite long but… I think I’m feeling better though sometimes I just have flashbacks of wht happen and the pain in my chest and heart comes back. I’ve talked to some of the mutual friends in the group but I still don’t get the sense of completion from the convos. I better understand where they are coming from as they tell me how my side always seem to contradict itself which I believe comes from my lack of proper phrasing and usually panicked mode. I’ve had some interactions with said ex-best friend and don’t quite understand how to approach the issue anymore. Some have been really positive where we actually have some meaningful conversation, but others where I am shunned out and overall just seem to be an issue to the friendgroup. I definitely have been handling my feelings better but I still don’t know weather to give it time or to talk it out. I really do miss having someone close I can talk to. Someone to handle my nonsense and stuff like that. If it’s a bad habit I sometimes look at the old photos of us together and kind of get that pain in my chest. I know she has other people to fall back on but I don’t really have that anymore. I don’t feel my self worth and confidence.

Also, I have been debating weather to go out with said ex best friend to maybe try and talk it out or catch up over coffee. I’ve been told it’s a bad idea and to just give it time but I really don’t think I have the willpower and discipline to do that. I’ve also been advised to seek help from therapists or teachers but I’ve been really scared of being a bother or just filling up time which could be used for people with worse issues than a simple friendship break up. Please give me advice if possible.

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Hi @goofy.com

Thank you for sharing with us your concerns and struggles, we are here to support you. I hear you, and it takes a lot of courage to share these feelings. It sounds like you’ve been going through a challenging time, grappling with the aftermath of a friendship breakup. It’s completely normal to experience those moments of pain and heartache, especially when faced with reminders like old photos.

I’m glad that you’ve been reflecting on your interactions and trying to understand different perspectives. It’s actually quite common for communication to become challenging during such emotional times, and your feelings are completely valid. I just want to encourage you that your willingness to acknowledge your own role in the dynamics shows a level of self-awareness, which is an important step in the healing process.

This season of navigating the complexities of reconnecting with mutual friends and your ex-best friend can indeed be confusing. It’s understandable that you’re torn between the desire to talk things out and the uncertainty about the best course of action. I also think that it is important to honor your own feelings and give yourself the time and space you need to heal too.

Considering your struggle with self-worth and confidence, I think reaching out to a therapist could provide valuable support! Seeking help doesn’t make you a bother; therapists are there to assist with a wide range of concerns, including friendship breakups. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.

Here are some options that might be convenient for you to reach out for help:
1) Family Service Centres
2) Online options :

As for reaching out to your ex-best friend, it’s a personal decision that depends on your readiness and comfort level. If you decide to initiate a conversation, perhaps choose a neutral and non-confrontational setting, like catching up over coffee? However, if you feel it might be too soon, giving it more time is also a valid choice. You could use this conversation tool, which might be helpful for you when talking to your ex-best friend. Whichever your decision, just know that we will be here to support you along the way.

Remember, you deserve understanding and support! Taking care of your mental and emotional health is not a selfish act but an essential part of working through life’s challenges. If you ever feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek assistance from a mental health professional or a trusted teacher. You’re not alone in this, and your feelings matter :slight_smile:

We look forward to hearing from you!

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