I’ve always been someone who has been surrounded by people, like everywhere I went i had people that were my friends and supported me. I just recently started poly, and I have never felt so disconnected and lonely. sure i have friends in poly (i started like 2 months ago) but it feels so surface level and just painfully awkward. i see all my friends in JC being so close and besties with their friends, i feel like I will never find my people and i need to so bad because human connection is the most important thing on earth to me. does it get better? i dont think i can go on like this any longer
Hi there faithfulcantaloupe8491, thank you for reaching out today.
What you’re feeling makes a lot of sense. You went from an environment where you’d had years to build deep, comfortable friendships, and suddenly you’re starting from zero in a completely new place. Two months is genuinely such a short time, even though it probably feels like forever when you’re in the thick of it.
The thing about the friendships you’re seeing on social media or hearing about from your JC friends, those didn’t start that way either. They just look that way now because you’re comparing their year two or three to your month two. That’s a really unfair comparison to make on yourself, even if it’s hard not to.
And the awkward, surface-level phase you’re describing? That’s not a sign that deep friendships won’t happen, it’s actually just what the early stage of friendship looks like for most people. The closeness you had before was built on hundreds of small moments over time, and those moments just haven’t had a chance to accumulate yet.
To answer your question directly: yes, for most people it genuinely does get better.
That said, I want to gently check in on something you said about you not thinking you can go on like this any longer. Can you tell me a bit more about what you mean by that? I want to make sure I understand how you’re doing.
hello, I understand that a new environment can be daunting at times, I believe that with time, such as joining clubs that interest you or activities, you can have opportunities to meet more people and interact with them, and perhaps get to know them through common interests. Rooting for you op <3
Hi
I can see that you really wanted some friends in poly. It is definitely quite exhausting to be maintaining in this way. Friendship take time to build up. Sometimes, joining club, volunteering and interests group might help. You are also not alone. There are people on this website that will be here to listen to you.