I grew up in an emotionally abusive/absent family setting. As of now, we don’t really talk unless needed to. I have an elder sister who has I guess suffered the “first child” syndrome, taking on my dad’s hot temper. I feel like I’ve always been a lost child because of not being able to have a source of safe communication at home. I’ve also become physically anxious to any loud noises made by the people at home even though they’ve never been violent. I hate this feeling of heart racing, overthinking whether I made anyone mad.
I feel really lonely & I have this habit of constantly doom scrolling social media to distract myself, even though I know I’ll end up feeling worse after that.
My biggest problem is that I cannot stop thinking negatively about everything. I’m always on guard over something, I’m always worried about what people think and it really sucks.
I’m sorry I really don’t know how to phrase what I’m feeling into better words. It’s all in a mess but I’m just hoping to find some sort of connection or help.
Thanks for sharing with us how you feel, I hear you and I’m truly sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you’ve had growing up in an emotionally abusive and absent family setting. It’s completely understandable that you would feel like a lost child without a safe source of communication and support at home. The impact of such upbringing can be so deep and far-reaching, often affecting how we form relationships and cope with stress later in life.
Living in an environment where loud noises trigger physical anxiety is a clear indication of the lasting effects of your past experiences, even if they were not explicitly violent. Your feelings of loneliness and the habit of doom scrolling on social media to distract yourself are common coping mechanisms for dealing with emotional pain, but as you mentioned, they often end up exacerbating the negative feelings.
I just want to say that it’s really so brave of you to acknowledge your struggles with negative thinking and constant worry about others’ perceptions. These patterns of thought are understandable responses to the environment you grew up in, but they can also be addressed and changed with time and support
I would like to encourage you to take a step to reach out for emotional support through therapy. Seeking therapy with a qualified mental health professional can provide a safe space for you to explore and process your emotions, understand the root causes of your negative thinking patterns, and learn healthy coping strategies to manage anxiety and improve self-esteem.
Here are some options that for mental health support that you can try:
Also, joining support groups or engaging in activities that advocate for self-care and positive self-expression can help you build connections and a sense of belonging outside of your family environment.
