Sometimes I feel like I’ve killed someone. Sometimes I feel the need to hurt others to be happy. I’m not like that. I’ve never hurt anyone before. It’s just these thoughts. Sometimes I look at people of other races with racist thoughts but I’m not racist. Sometimes I feel homophobic but I’m not. Sometimes I wanna punch my best friend. I hate my thoughts. I hate my mind. I hate all this bs.
I have unwanted ruminations too. THose are just thoughts that ýou dont need to identify with. U need professional helpto get rid of these thoughts. Mine got better but i do still struggle w it
Hi Everlore,
From your sharing, I can hear that even though you have many thoughts that sounded hurtful, you didn’t act on your thoughts. What we can probably inferred here is that thoughts are just thoughts. You didn’t and don’t want to act on these thoughts.
Where do thoughts come from ? Thoughts can be triggered / stimulated by the surrounding, and the source of the contents can come from your past experiences, thoughts/beliefs shared by other people, articles you read in books/online, movies you watched, etc. Thus it is very normal that people may hold some unhelpful thoughts, from time to time, that irks them. If we can find ways to refocus your attention to other stuff that might be of interest to you, then the thought might disappear. I have a few ideas that might be helpful for you to explore .
1) Cognitive and Behavioural Methods
a) Train your mind to think positively
- each time unhelpful thoughts surface, acknowledge that an unhelpful thought has just surfaced, and replace it with a positive thought such as “ it’s just a thought”, “thoughts are just thoughts, they don’t define me as a person”, etc.
- Think of a few positive thoughts about yourself, and say them to you at least twice a day.
b) Switch from “thinking" to “doing”
Each time when an unhelpful thought surface, re-direct your attention to do something that interests you, such as singing, do a few jumping jacks, go out for a walk, etc.
2) Adopt Emotional Regulation / Grounding methods
- Adopt an emotional regulation activity that can help you to calm down each time you feel upset when an unhelpful thoughts surface. Some examples are : Deep Breathing, counting 1 to 10, listen to a calming music, etc
- Ground yourself to “here and now” by asking yourself to identify : 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
3) Live a healthy lifestyle
- Have enough sleep /quality sleep everyday- when you have enough sleep your mind is able to think clearly and you can be in better control of your thinking.
- Eat a balanced diet everyday.
- Pick up a physical activity such as walking for at least 20mins a day, as exercise will help your brain to produce hormones that can give you a good/relaxed feeling.
- Stay connected to friends, family or support groups can help you to feel less isolated and feel happy that you are not alone.
Give yourself sometime to explore the above and see if you are in better control of the unhelpful thoughts. Take care !