i have autism & have been the center of attention of my parents since birth. i feel very hurt that my brother rarely got loved by our parents because they spent more time with me; from taking me to therapists to bringing me to outings without my brother.
now that my brother is married, he stopped contacting the 3 of us. our parents & i were on good terms with the couple for a while, but even during that time, i was the only person he never talked to. eventually, he & his wife ghosted the 3 of us. even though he’s no longer in my life per se, i still think of him every day & feel a life long guilt of ruining his life just by being his sibling.
i rely on my parents for having a home (so i don’t have to buy my own) & having someone to hang out with because i don’t have friends. but deep down, i still hate my parents for not treating me & my brother equally. as much as i’m safe in my home, living in it only brings memories (good or bad) of my brother.
on a less important note; i also feel it’s my fault for having autism that he & his wife don’t have children, due to rumors that people who have autistic siblings have higher risk of having autistic children themselves - this in turn makes me feel i’m contributing to declining birth rate.
Hi @damagedgrass,
It sounds like you’ve been feeling weighed down by some difficult emotions, and I want to acknowledge how challenging and isolating that can be. When you’re navigating overwhelming feelings, it’s natural to want understanding and support, and reaching out is an important step. I hear that things may feel heavy right now, and you’re doing your best to cope with it all.
Living with these emotions can be exhausting, especially when it feels like others may not fully understand what you’re going through. Please know that your experiences and feelings are valid. You’re not alone in facing these challenges, and it’s okay to need time and space to process everything.
I also want to gently remind you that having autism is not your fault. Autism is simply a part of who you are. It does not mean you’ve done anything wrong or that there’s something negative about you as a person. Sometimes, it can be the “convenient way” to internalise blame or feel different, but your neurodiversity is not a reflection of personal failure in any way.
You deserve kindness, acceptance, and support, from both yourself and from those around you. Seeking help and expressing your feelings takes courage, and it’s an important part of caring for your mental and emotional well-being. Remember that you are worthy of understanding and compassion, exactly as you are.
If you are looking to get further support, you may wish to visit the following options:
National Mindline: Call 1771 or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771
Community Mental Health Teams: Available via the Service Wayfinding Tool (mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore)
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