i srsly dont know whats wrong with me

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

lately ive been feeling at my absolute worst. LIKE i dont even know what happened, noting changed, ive been as miserable as ever i just dont know why its been affecting me so much now, recently ive been really self-destructive, im cutting off my own friendships to see if they chase me and they dont haha anyways im taking important exams this year and all of these problems that i have, have been taking a really really big tole on me and i dont know what to do. i tried to speak to my friend who is older than me, but she didnt take me seriously at all and overall her tone just seemed off and i really really hated it so idw tell her anymore, also, futhermore about cutting off my friends, i always overshare then realise that holy â– â– â– â–  they dont care so i push them away ugh and im just mad that noone chases after me, like how much better do i have to be for someone to actually care? i literally have noone to speak to. my dad is uhm i dont know where he is nor do i care its been awhile , my mom is insanely childish it sucks living with her so bad, last time i told her anything it led to an argument cuz im just a horrible child, well, i am. i wont argue with that. anyways I SRSLY JUST hate this feeling of hopelessness, i was okay for so many years so why does it hit me now? is it hormones? cuz i turned 16? i think im just overreacting and this will all be over with soon. like will i always be like this? i overthink everything, i cant maintain friendships or anything because of it, im also terrified of abandonment, i hate it. i always please people so that dont abandon me like everyone else. i also think that everyone is the same. my friend has called me weird for my weird craving for uniqueness. i find it weird too, but how am i supposed to stop it? i like uniqueness so much, i have to be unique. cuz who am i without it? ugh theres just so much to say but, i think what i really want is help. i dont know what to do.

ok this was really poorly written sorry

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Hi there productivesquirrel3182, thank you for reaching out today!

Firstly, don’t apologies for how you wrote it, there is no right or wrong way to write it, that’s your raw emotions and thoughts, no one can decide what is the write way to write it.

It sounds like you are handling a lot of things at once, and it makes sense with what you are describing when you put them together. The testing friendships to see if they chase, the oversharing then pulling away, the people pleasing, the fear of abandonment, these aren’t random quirks. They’re patterns that usually develop when someone has learned, through experience, that people leave or can’t be relied on. And it sounds like you’ve had some pretty significant experiences of that, with your dad being absent and your mum being someone you can’t safely open up to.

When you don’t have safe, reliable people at home, it changes how you relate to everyone else. You end up both desperately wanting connection and being terrified of it at the same time. That push and pull is exhausting. You said you want help, and that’s the most important thing you wrote. You deserve actual support.

Is there a school counsellor you could reach out to? That might be the most accessible first step given everything at home. You can also reach out to Mindline at 1771 or WhatsApp at 6669-1771 to speak to someone.

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IM really scared of my mom finding out and school councillors always snitch : ( omg im just scared of my mom finding out, cuz idk if shes gonna be angry or not i really cant tell

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I hear you, and it is understandable that you are afraid of them informing your mom. How about we start small and reach out to 1771 to just share your thoughts with someone? It is confidential unless there are imminent risks to self or others.