My brother is a Sec 5 student this year taking his O levels, but for some reason he’s not putting in any effort and thus struggling a lot. My mom is worried sick, but everytime she tries to talk to him and figure out how to help him, he dismisses her very rudely and says “he can do it”, but he can’t. He himself says he “can’t do [his] homework, he just can’t.” With no feasable explanation why. He says he can’t understand the concept, but when he goes through it with his tutor he knows? I don’t know what he’s doing, but I don’t like how it’s straining his relationship with my mother. Her heart is shattered to pieces and I know she cries every night. Whenever I can I go to her room and listen to her troubles, because I can’t just leave her be and watch her mental health worsen. She thinks she might have anxiety, and she’s going into a depressive state. I can’t do anything but listen. I’m sec 3, so I can’t offer much advice. And I’m not diagnosed but I know my mental health is horrible and I’m in no state to help much either, and it hurts. She’s struggling so much to support my brother behind the scenes, and he just won’t listen. Their relationship is worsening because he thinks she’s nagging and just keeps wanting her to leave him alone. He says he has a plan, but his actions say otherwise - he just plays games and scrolls on social media instead of studying like he should. He tells my mom to just add more days of tuition for him, but he’s being ignorant to how much we’re struggling. It’s expensive to pay for tuition, not to mention my parents still have bills and everything to pay. My mother doesn’t want to worry anyone, like my grandma, so she’s keeping it to herself. I don’t know. I want to be able to help her, it breaks my heart seeing her suffer like this. Especially when she said she wished she never gave birth to children because she feels like she just brought us to this world to suffer. She’s not in the wrong… I’m sorry it’s such a long post, I’m very emotional right now and don’t know what to do. If anyone could offer any advice please, I’ll be glad to listen. Thank you.
Hi @lcvedokja ,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It sounds like your family is dealing with a lot of stress right now, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and emotional about the situation. It’s really tough when you see your loved ones struggling and feel like there’s little you can do to help.
I want to acknowledge how thoughtful and caring you are. Being just 15 years old and bearing such an emotional burden is incredibly challenging. Your concern for your brother and your mother is clear, and it’s commendable that you’re trying to support your mom by listening to her troubles. It’s important to recognize the immense strength you’re showing by being there for your family during such a difficult time.
Here are a few things to consider that might help:
- Professional Support: It might be beneficial for your family to seek professional help. A counselor or therapist can provide support for your mother’s anxiety and depression and help improve communication between your brother and your mom. They can also work with your brother to understand his academic struggles and find effective strategies to help him.
- Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication within your family. It might help to have a family meeting where everyone can express their feelings and concerns in a safe and supportive environment. Sometimes, just having a structured space to talk can make a big difference.
- Academic Support: While additional tuition can be expensive, it might be helpful to explore other resources that can support your brother’s learning. For example, there might be free or low-cost tutoring services available in your community or online.
- Self-Care: It’s important to take care of yourself, too. Supporting your family can be emotionally draining, and it’s crucial to find ways to manage your own stress. This might include talking to a trusted friend or counselor, engaging in activities you enjoy, or practicing mindfulness or relaxation techniques.
- Community Resources: Look into community resources that might offer support for your family. This could include mental health services, financial assistance programs, or educational support services.
Your feelings of wanting to help your mom are very valid, and it’s clear that you care deeply about your family. You’re doing everything you can, and it’s okay to let others step in to help too. Trust that the adults in your life will work together to address the situation. You don’t have to shoulder this burden alone, and it’s important to lean on others for support.
Here are some numbers you can call for additional support:
- Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1800-221-4444 (24-hour Hotline)
- IMH Helpline: 6389-2222 (24-hour Hotline)
- CHAT (Community Health Assessment Team): 6493-6500 / 6493-6501
- Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) Helpline: 1800-283-7019
- TOUCHline (TOUCH Youth Services): 1800-377-2252
Take care, and please keep reaching out for support.
You sound incredibly mature for a secondary 3 student, kudos to you for being emotionally aware of your mum’s situation. I think you being there is probably a great gift for your mum. Don’t think you need to do much beyond that and some things are also out of your control (eg how your brother chooses to lead his life)
But if you really want to do more, I think spending more (happy) time with your mum might help. What does she like to do? I find sometimes parents lose themselves after they have kids. Now that you and your brother are fairly grown up, perhaps helping your mum rediscover herself might make her happier?
Thank you for sharing 
It’s definitely not easy for you, your brother and mother too each your own difficulties 
Hmm have yall talked about it tgt as a family? It would be helpful to write down what you would like to say/discuss?
Also it seems that although you are only sec 3 you have already taken steps to help by posting here so dont be so hard on yourself 
heh
Remember to spend sometime taking care of yourself too sometimes its okay to step away from a problem and come back fresher with new insights.
thank you for your kind advice, i will definitely look into these options ^^ Thankfully, it seems as though the situation has taken a turn for the better at least for now
Thank you (: I’ll definitely try to find time after my WAs to spend time with her doing things she likes
Thank you for your words (: I don’t think we’ve properly discussed it as a family, but I’ll try and see if they’d be okay with some open communication about the topic. Thankfully, the situation seems to be better at least for now ^^
Yayy good to hear that 
all the best for your WAs and hope it goes well. I’m sure your mum will recognise the efforts that you’re putting in to make her happy.