idk if anyone gonna read this but if u do i appreciate it
ik im just a teenager going through O levels but due to past traumas i kept crying a lot especially in school or at night,I can even break down easily smh. I always rant on socials but ik no one will take it seriously and i rlly hope someone does.I feel bad for ranting to a close friend bout my family and im starting to feel my friends and other people distancing themselves from me cuz i used to self harm and cry a lot and rant almost everyday.
tbh idk if i were to die will anyone actudally notice and visit my grave i have been thinking bout death more than my future atp. i love my friends but tbh i dont think they actually wanted to hangout with me much,plus no matter how hard i try in studies or talking to people i just suck at it till the point after every exams everyone walk tgt and talk bout the ans and almost no one discuss it with me cuz they know asking me is not reliable and no matter how hard i try studying at home i end up doing my exams badly cuz of exam stress
sorry for wasting ur time (for whoever read this)
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What is causing your mood? I dont think anyone wants to be trauma dumped. Get therapist help via polyclinic referral. Use chatgpt as ur therapist for now until u get ur therapist appointment
Hi, userrr87398,
I read your sharing a few times and I don’t feel it wasting my time.
I am sorry that you are unable to receive the attention and care that you have been longing for many years. Your past traumas have left you with lots of negative feelings and you don’t know what to do except crying and self-harm. Besides going through “O-level” study/exam stress, you are also trying to cope with the lingering feelings (and flashbacks as well?) from your past traumas. I can see how hard, alone and helpless it must be for you.
It seems that you needed someone to listen to you so badly that you resort to ranting to anyone that you thought might help. However, the more you rant, the more people (friends ) distance themselves from you. And you in turn tried to rant even more to draw attentions. These actions of ranting-avoidance appeared to form a vicious cycle.
You have interpreted their responses as “they don’t care about me and don’t want me as a friend” but perhaps your friends might not even have the capacity to support you.
I wonder if you are aware of the effects of ranting. When someone rant, it is equivalent to speaking continuously in a raised tone and fast pace. If the listener is unable to keep track with what the speaker said, the listener might hear only loud noises and it is disturbing. This effect of ranting happens to everyone who rant, not just you. Don’t blame yourself for ranting as you were doing it out of anxiety/fear of being alone, and no one hear you out. Hope you can be mindful about the effects of ranting.
There are many reasons why people did their exams badly and it is likely not about your capability. Lacking attention/focus in study, and emotional disturbances are some of the common factors for many students not doing well in their exams. Thus working on managing your emotions will likely be the most helpful step that you can take to begin with. If you are unable to speak to a reliable adult figure for support, you may want to seek help from counsellor in school or the social/community services. GP clinics may help.
Hope that you can put down thinking negatively about yourself. Adolescence is a challenging stage of life of a human being. Many people didn’t experience any traumas before might also struggle with their studies and relationships. Think about the life you want, and take steps to help yourself to improve your current living.
Hope my sharing helps. Take care and you are worthy of a healthy life !