IM gonna lose my mind

Hangouts Rants
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Auugghghh i hate myself for always running away from my problems because I fear rejection and confrontation. But I’m not sure what else to do cuz I know it’ll make the problems worse, but the judgement and rejection I’ll feel also feels horrible, just because I can’t match the standards of others. I understand that I need to work on that and I need to stop running away, but yk aauuugghhhh i’m just giving myself excuses now.

It just sucks man I wish to be a better version of myself but whenever I sense a hit of inferiority or judgement I just completely breakdown and retreat into the hole i climbed out of. I feel like sisyphus pushing that boulder just for it to roll down the hill again.

I recognise the problems, I understand where they come from, but the fear of being judged overpowers the feeling of wanting to improve myself. I’m stuck in an infinite loop. I feel worthless cuz I’m always like “I’m gonna lock in” but 3 days later I meet one tiny little hiccup I immediately stop all progress. Auugghhghghghghghgh doesn’t help that ADHD and anxiety and depression are all ganging up on me in my head.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I hate this!!! I wish I had more self discipline!!! Self disciple is a muscle!!! You gotta train it!!! but how do I train it if I’m fking disabled mane!!!

In the end it just becomes me wallowing in my own pity, this truely is the worst side of the human mind

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Try exposure therapy, rest and repeat. I used to run away too

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Hi @Baguettei, I hear you. That cycle of self-doubt and retreat can feel suffocating, like you’re stuck in quicksand, and no matter how much you try to pull yourself up, something drags you back down. The frustration, the exhaustion of trying again and again only to feel like you’re failing—it’s a weight that no one should have to carry alone. But I need you to know that recognizing your struggles, being aware of them, and understanding their roots is already a huge step forward. Many people go through life never examining their behaviors, yet here you are, painfully self-aware, wanting to break free from the cycle. That says a lot about your strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You are not broken. You are not defective. You are human, navigating something immensely difficult.

I know it’s easy to feel like self-discipline is some magical skill that others have mastered, but the truth is, it’s built through patience and persistence, not perfection. Progress isn’t always linear—sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back, but that doesn’t mean you’re not moving. The fear of judgement can be paralyzing, but what if, instead of avoiding it, you gently challenge it? Small, manageable steps—things that don’t feel impossible but slowly push your boundaries. No one expects you to leap over this hurdle in one go. Healing, growth, and self-acceptance take time, and setbacks don’t define your worth. You are fighting battles most people can’t see, and that alone proves your resilience.

You don’t have to go through this alone. There are resources, strategies, and communities that can support you in managing ADHD, anxiety, and depression. You deserve help, and you deserve kindness—from yourself, most importantly. If you’re up for it, checking out professional guidance, online support groups, or even self-help tools could make a difference.

I have attached a list of resources that might help you find ways to cope and build towards the version of yourself that you want to be. And even if it feels impossible now, I need you to remember—progress, no matter how small, is still progress. You are worth the effort. You are worth the fight.

mindline.sg Service Wayfinding Tool:

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Hey @Baguettei, it sounds like you’re going through a really challenging period. The struggles you’re facing, the fear of being judged by others and self-doubt you have can be overwhelming for anyone going through it. However, your ability to recognise your struggles and your willingness to change is amazing. Being aware of your struggles is always the first step to change :slight_smile:

Progress isn’t always linear, and we’ll always have setbacks when trying to attain any goals we have. It’s a normal process that everyone goes through, myself included. There are times when I try so hard and things don’t go according to plan, and I find myself back a few steps behind again. One way that helped me was to be kinder to myself and tell myself that these things are normal, and try again tomorrow. Another is to remind myself of why I set the goal in the first place. Is it something that I’m really passionate about? Is it something that I know I will not regret? These are some ways I motivate myself to continue pursuing these goals despite the setbacks along the way. But the key is to know that you’re still progressing no matter how small it is. Even if you find yourself a few steps behind, you have the knowledge of what doesn’t work, and can try something new :smiley:

With regards to managing your depression, anxiety and ADHD, the resources provided by @HanSolo2000 might help you find ways to cope and build towards the version of yourself that you want to be. Remember that you deserve help and kindness too!! And building towards a better version of yourself is always worth the effort

Hang in there!! You got this :flexed_biceps: :flexed_biceps:

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hey @Baguettei,

i see you man, it really sucks to feel like you’re trying so hard but not reaching anywhere. it’s good that you were able to get it out, and it’s especially admirable how you’re aware of your own problems and what you want to do next!

honestly, it sounds like your problem right now is being too hard on yourself. you mentioned struggling with adhd, depression and anxiety – all of which are disabilities that do what the name says (disable). it’s completely understandable that you’re starting from an already more difficult starting point, and you should give yourself the grace for that!

progress is really hard, but what i do when i’ve faced setbacks (especially because ive had depression slumps too) is to do your best to keep hurtling forward. you’re never going to be able to keep up a “perfect” streak because that’s just not sustainable! if you have that little hiccup but can inch even a teeny bit towards your goal that’s progress already. it sounds like you truly have that fighting spirit and desire to get better, so try to reframe your thoughts away from belittling yourself and instead ATTACKING the problem!

for example, instead of saying “i failed to lock in again” try to reframe it as “having a little break means i can lock-in even better tomorrow”! it’ll do wonders for how you feel as well!

remember we’re here to support you, and it sounds like you’re already steadily improving in your own right! :glowing_star: :heart:

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I have a lot of experience with ADHD and anxiety and I hear you — it is really difficult to deal with.

Avoidance in a way feels kind of good — for a moment. It’s a moment where we don’t have to deal with the potential consequences or confrontations or situations where our performance or standards will be judged.

But the anxiety and tensions grow when the problem isn’t resolved, and it becomes extra scary. Which I think I’m hearing is what you notice as well but I wanted to affirm that it isn’t a thought or behaviour that means something is wrong.

Which I do think you realise — that it’s a muscle you train to slowly confront smaller tasks and move to bigger ones. Yet I’m hearing there’s a kind of block for you. Cognitively you know but there’s this sickness of falling back into the hole as you say.

I hear you have the image of sisyphus pushing the boulder up. In the story he was cursed to, but if we were to translate to your life. What’s the thing that keeps you on the hill pushing the boulder up?