i find myself crying everyday now for very minor things or for nothing at all. schools opened and ccas resumed. i just wanna kill myself everytime i think and do cca. ive already requested for a change of cca but i want to understand the leaps framework more first so i can ensure my points but my cca head isnt replying me and its been 3 days. i broke down while telling my cca teacher about it. still constantly struggle with my mental health and self worth everyday. from the duration of my last post to now, i thought that things will get better, i finally wont feel empty and will adopt a hobby. i even bought a new pc and exercise but nothing is working for me. nothing is giving me purpose. i still sh and my rls with my partner hasnt been the best. he always takes very long to reply my texts even though hes not busy and when i ask him about it hes always just gaming. me and him dont have common interests too so that just makes me feel more of ‘why are we tgt’. im trying my best to communicate w him but i still have problems and hate myself. maybe its just a me problem. im self centred and a fking loser who has no friends and no hobbies and will very much hang out with my partner over everyone else but he wont do the same. im seriously lost in life right now with me breaking down every night for no reason at all. i genuinely hate myself and want to end it all. can a professional tell me if i have some underlying mental condition undiagnosed? like depression for example? im not suicidal but nowadays ive been thinking of just ending it all.
Hey @throwawayacc,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through—it sounds like you’re feeling incredibly overwhelmed, and I want to acknowledge how difficult this must be for you. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out, even in the midst of these feelings, is a strong and important step.
It seems like there’s a lot weighing on you—your CCA situation, struggles with purpose and hobbies, the challenges in your relationship, and feelings of self-worth. I hear how much effort you’ve been putting into trying to make things better, from requesting a CCA change to trying out exercise and even exploring hobbies with a new PC. The fact that you’ve been taking these steps even when it feels like nothing is working shows a deep level of resilience and a desire to move forward, even though it feels so heavy right now.
Your feelings of frustration and disconnect with your partner are also really valid. It’s tough when it feels like you’re investing more into a relationship than the other person, and it’s okay to feel hurt by that. Relationships, especially when there are differences in interests or communication styles, can add to the weight you’re already carrying, and it’s understandable that this makes you feel even more alone.
Let’s start with this: It’s okay to feel lost right now. You’re dealing with a lot all at once, and it’s not your fault that you’re struggling. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or failing—it just means you’re human and need some support. I know you’ve mentioned thinking about ending it all, and I want to emphasise that your life has value. These feelings, while intense and overwhelming, don’t define who you are or what your future holds. There is help available, and you don’t have to face this alone.
You mentioned wondering if you have an underlying mental health condition like depression. What you’re describing—feeling empty, crying frequently, struggling with self-worth, and losing interest in things that used to bring joy—are all feelings that can be connected to depression or other mental health challenges. Have you considered reaching out to a professional like we last talked about? They could help you explore this further and provide strategies to support you.
Right now, I’d encourage you to take small steps. Sometimes just reaching out to a helpline or scheduling an appointment with a mental health professional can be the first move toward feeling a bit lighter. If that feels like too much, even something like journaling about your feelings or sharing more here can help ease the weight.
You’re doing the best you can in a really tough situation, and that matters. I believe that with the right support, things can get better. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help—you deserve to feel understood and cared for. You’re not alone in this. 
Hi @throwawayacc, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly tough time, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed with everything happening in your life. It’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid, and reaching out for help is a brave step. The pressure from school, CCAs, and your relationship can be incredibly taxing, especially when you’re already struggling with your mental health. It’s okay to feel lost and to seek support from those around you, even if it feels like they’re not responding as quickly as you’d like.
I would encourage you to consider talking to a mental health professional who can provide you with the support and guidance you need. They can help you understand if there might be an underlying condition like depression and work with you to develop coping strategies. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to help. It’s also important to take small steps towards self-care, even if they seem insignificant. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can make a big difference. Please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. You deserve to feel better and find a sense of purpose and happiness in your life.
Here are some resources that you can visit to seek help, advice, or just a listening ear:
IMH CHAT: https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx
Youth Integrated Team: SupportGoWhere
CREST - Youth: SupportGoWhere
mindline.sg Service Wayfinder: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore
SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767
Singapore Association for Mental Health Hotline: 1800-283-7019 (9am – 6pm on weekdays, except public holidays)
Institute of Mental Health Hotline: 6389-2222 (24 hours)