Recently i had a fall out with my friends. It was mainly my fault, but because of this situation some of them are distancing themselves from me and I feel very guilty. I want to explain myself to them and talk things out, but it seems as though they want nothing to do with me anymore. Ive tried apologising to each and every one of them several times but some of them cant seem to get over it. They have explained to me why they are so mad at me, but they aren’t giving me the opportunity to explain myself.
I understand that they are entitled to their own opinions and feelings. However, whenever i have the opportunity to speak up its as if they dont want to accept what I have to say at all. Im really lost atp, idk what to do anymore.
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Dear Anonymous323,
Thank you for writing in to us. Really appreciate your openness to share and desire to find a solution to your problems. It takes courage to reach out like that and just want to commend you on that!
The situation with your friends right now sounds like a really vexing and painful one for you. Hear that you have taken responsibility for your actions and have taken the step to apologise to each one of them. However, it seems like some of them are still angry with you and you feel that you haven’t been able to explain yourself and make things right again.
Without knowing what had happened (so do forgive me if there are not appropriate), some questions come to mind:
- When your friends said that they are mad with you, wonder if you were able to empathize with them and see their point of view? And if you could see their point of view, did you communicate that to them? Sometimes, people just want to be heard and understood before the angry feelings can dissipate.
- In your title ‘tired of giving in’, it appears that perhaps this isn’t the first time and perhaps it has happened a few times? Am I right? While it is necessary to sometimes ‘give and take’ in friendships, when people do ‘give in’, often they collect resentment ‘chips’. Over time, when the chips pile up, people will start feeling tired of giving in. Eventually, the relationship will break from the strain of the huge pile up of resentment.
- How long ago was this fallout and your attempts at repair? I do want to commend you on your repair attempts! That takes a lot of maturity, humility and courage! It is never easy to admit our mistakes and be the first to apologise. It tells me that these friendships mean a lot to you! Hugs If it is fairly recent, perhaps it might help to give it a little time and see what happens.
- Evaluate your friendships: Consider what a true friendship is and what it is not. We are human beings, no one is perfect and we are bound to make mistakes here and there. When we make mistakes, yes, we might expect that people around us whom we have hurt would be upset and angry but for how long and is it reparable? If we have apologised and are sincere about making amends, will the other party reciprocate with kindness, understanding and forgiveness? When ruptures like this happen, painful though it may be, it is also an opportunity for us to assess the true nature and strength of the relationship. And ruptures will always happen between imperfect human beings, yes?
Navigating friendships is really complex and experiencing fallouts and relationship breakdowns is very painful. Sending you much love and compassion!
Take some time out for yourself and do what brings you joy, okay? Just focus on what you can control and let others be responsible for their own thoughts/feelings/actions.
Take good care!
Hugs, northernlights.
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This situation actually happened quite recently and it is still ongoing, and yes youre right this is not the first time something like this took place. But what if I have tried my best to see and understand it from their pov. And ive given them space, like i think almost a month. All ive done is nothing but apologise. However, they dont think im being sincere and they think my apologies is gas lighting them. But the truth is, I just wanted to explain myself to them so that maybe they could understand me better. Sadly, they just kept demanding for me to change and stop apologising. I understand that but I just feel so frustrated because I cant just change overnight. Itll take time. I just wished that they can understand that.
In addition to that, this fallout has greatly affected me. I keep worrying about them. I keep overthinking every little thing. And I just feel so guilty. I cant sleep at night because my mind is just so noisy. Whenever im alone and in a quiet environment, theres this voice in my head that just keeps telling me negative thoughts. It has reached a point where im terrified of going to school and facing them.