Is it normal that I don't like my child?

My elder girl is 11 year old, I love her a lot as she is my born baby. However her character is totally different from me, which is piss me off, but I am still her mum, and I have keep telling myself she is my child.

Negative, selfish and stubborn is 3 distinct things to describe. When whole family celebration happy things, she see sad things. When she made mistake, she will not day sorry or feel sorry, she feel anger inside her. She can share things to classmate, but don’t share any single things with younger sister.

I tried to balance between 2 child, I did whatever I can, but she still feel I favourite younger one more.

The younger one always smile and have joy in her heart, while make the whole family feel happy. But the elder one, always anger and negative thoughts that often make the whole family melt down. My patience run out and I start to dislike her.

What should I do? :woman_facepalming:

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Hi @user886

Firstly, thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us about what you’ve been experiencing. It takes a lot of courage to be truthful about your feelings, and I commend you for that.

I can tell that you’re feeling a mix of emotions about your elder daughter’s behavior, and it’s completely okay to feel that way. Parenting can be very challenging, especially when your child’s personality feels vastly different from your own. I can also see that you deeply care for both of your children and want to ensure a harmonious family environment.

Your concerns about your elder daughter’s behavior—her negativity, lack of remorse, and difficulties in sharing—are completely valid. It’s tough when her actions affect the family’s joy and celebrations. It sounds like despite your efforts, she perceives favoritism towards her younger sister, adding to the challenges.

Your feelings of frustration and even starting to dislike her are understandable, yet it’s important to acknowledge that these feelings are a part of the struggle you’re facing, and they don’t diminish your love for her.

I would like to encourage you:

  1. Learn to understand and manage your feelings while helping your daughter with her behaviour. You could ask yourself questions to reflect, such as: How do I help my daughter feel loved and cared for in her love language? What do I need to learn about her internal world? What are some of her emotional needs that we have not met?

  2. It might be helpful to consider seeking support, either through family therapy or by speaking with a professional who specializes in child behavior and parenting. Such experts can offer valuable guidance on how to foster better communication, manage emotions, and build a healthier family dynamic. I would highly recommend you to reach out to a therapist to help you manage your relationship with your child.

  3. Continue to have empathy, patience, and a desire to understand your daughter’s perspective - it can go a long way in establishing a deeper connection with her. I encourage you to try having open communication (through conversations) and find shared activities or moments; these might help bridge the gap.

Last but not least, it’s a journey, and with time, effort, and support, it’s possible to strengthen the relationship and create a more positive environment for your family as a whole. You’re doing your best, and seeking professional support is the next best step for your situation.

Let us know what your thoughts are and how you’re coping, or what you’ve decided to do. Hear from you soon.