I always think about my problems. And how it is hypothetical because I never tested. But i always get this feeling, whenever I think that I have similar signs to some disorder or depression, I always have this voice in my mind that tells me that it’s not a big deal. And I always make my problems seem small or not real because of that. I always thought other people had bigger problems and I need to solve them otherwise I am useless. And whenever I get something good happening to me like a good grade or awards, I think that I need to try harder and that I could have done better. My friends tell me it is this disorder or imposter syndrome, but honestly I don’t even know anymore because I doubt every problem that I think I have. Like how I think having 1 meal a day is normal or staying in bed for hours is also normal because I think that I don’t deserve help or that other people have it worse. Is it really normal? Be honest. I just want to know if this is just something obvious and I am stupid or an actual problem.
Hi @user1831,
I can feel the weight of what you’re expressing—it’s clear that you’re trying your best, yet the “never good enough” thoughts seem to always linger, and I want you to know that many people, especially those with perfectionistic tendencies, can relate to the overwhelming sense of never reaching the ideal standard.
It seems like you’re really hard on yourself, even when you do well. The good grades or accomplishments should be a moment of celebration, but instead, you feel the need to push yourself harder and focus on how you could have done even better, and this is an exhausting cycle.
I also hear you saying that your anxiety, particularly when you think about your health or habits, is leading you to minimise or dismiss what you’re feeling. It’s like you’re telling yourself that you don’t deserve to feel better or that your issues are too small to ask for help with. This can make it feel even more isolating, because when you don’t allow yourself to feel seen, it’s easy to get caught in a loop of self-judgement and doubt.
Well, there could be a few reasons (not exhaustive) why the self-doubt or the self-neglect is so strong and prevalent in the mind.
- Perfectionism: Many individuals who experience chronic dissatisfaction with their achievements, no matter how great those achievements may be, often believe that anything less than perfection is a failure. This sets up an impossible standard, and anything that doesn’t meet it feels like not enough.
- Fear of Rejection: Deep down, the fear of rejection or criticism leads you to believe you must constantly perform better to avoid judgement or to “earn” love and acceptance.
- Comparison: Constantly comparing yourself to others can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Even if you are performing well, seeing someone else excel in an area you care about may lead to the thought, “I’m not doing enough” or “I could do better.”
- Unrealistic Expectations: There may be internalised high expectations for self, whether these came from family, teachers, or society. Over time, these can become ingrained, and thus you feel that any small mistake or “imperfection” is a failure that needs to be hidden or avoided.
- Self-Worth Tied to Achievement: If you tie your self-worth to your achievements, it can create a constant state of pressure and anxiety. You may feel like you are only valuable or worthy if we excel at everything, leaving us feeling worthless when we fall short.
Can I gently ask you to consider this: which of these do you find resonate with you? What would it be like if you could separate your self-worth from your performance? Can you imagine allowing yourself to feel proud of your efforts, even if they’re not perfect?
I would like to reinforce that that’s not about lowering your standards; it’s about being kind to yourself in the process of reaching them.
You’re already showing strength by questioning these thoughts. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now, but by noticing these patterns, hopefully, you will start to shift toward understanding them. If you ever feel like opening up about this in more detail or discussing ways to navigate these challenges, we are here for you.
In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to celebrate progress, no matter how small. Growth takes time, and your worth isn’t defined by how perfectly you meet every goal.
You’re definitely not “stupid” or making this up. It’s common for people to feel confused or unsure about what they’re experiencing, and that confusion can amplify the sense of being lost. But please know that your struggles, no matter how small they may seem, do matter, and you do deserve to take up space and seek the support you need.
Hey there, I hear you, and I just want to say what you’re feeling is valid. Just because other people might have struggles too doesn’t mean yours don’t matter. Pain isn’t a competition, and you deserve support just as much as anyone else.
It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot on your own, constantly questioning whether your struggles are real enough to acknowledge. But the fact that you’re feeling this way is real. And it’s not something you have to deal with alone.
I hope you can give yourself the same kindness that you seem to give to others. You don’t have to “earn” rest, food, or care. You deserve those things just because you’re you. And if you ever feel like talking to someone about all this, whether a friend, a therapist, or anyone who can help, you deserve that too. You’re not alone in this. 