Ever since I was young, my father has always verbally fought with me over many things and has called me names all the time. ( e.g. not helping around the house, calling me problematic, crazy ) Things like this have been occurring overtime and I’ve been feeling really angry. This is because every time I try and explain my side of the story, my father would always interrupt me and asks, “When did I do that?” or “Am I doing it now?” Whenever he asks this questions, I somehow can’t talk, and he wins the argument, leaving me feeling unheard about my problems.
My father would also say, “When have I not listened to you?” And brings up times where I told him about my friends. Maybe that was active listening to others but to me, it wasn’t what I wanted. All I wanted was for him to understand, to fix our problems so we could live happily but it seems like he just simply refuses to through his actions.
Not only that, but I have a feeling he favours my two brothers more than me. For example, since I sleep pretty late into the night, if the living room is in a mess, he would immediately think it was me who made the mess, even if I didn’t enter the living room. And recently, when I kept telling my brother to not hit me in an upset tone, he would talk to my brother so nicely. But if it was the other way around, he would ask me to stop angrily.
Because of this, I have so much pain bottled up in my heart and just decided to self-harm. When I harmed myself, I didn’t realise how deep I had cut and now has left a mark on my wrist. I haven’t self-harmed in a while and just wanted to ask if this is normal for parents to act like this.
Dear @user334658
Thank you for reaching out.
I can see you are going through a lot. You’ve shared that your father does not listen to you, minimises your feelings, and blames you unfairly. Understandably you feel unheard, unsupported and alone.
My sensing is that what you described is not healthy behaviour from a parent. I observe your father’s manner of shutting you down is hurtful and emotionally draining. I believe it is only human that you “freeze” when he questions or confronts you as you feel overwhelmed at that moment and cannot defend yourself.
I see that you have been carrying the hurt, sadness, anger alone and self harming was a form of release. However, to your credit, your awareness that it is not healthy is evident, hence you have not done it in a while. That matters and it tells me you have wisdom and self control to recognise you can choose healthier ways to go through these painful moments. It will be good to see a trusted adult such as as adult family member, school teacher or school counsellor soon for support.
Alternatively you can call the national mindline at 1771 to speak to counsellors there and they can connect you to the most appropriate resource in your situation.It operates 24/7.
IMH also provides a one-stop centre for youth mental health, known as CHAT. This service provides a confidential mental health assessment for individuals aged 16 to 30. Link is attached here: (https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx)
You may also wish to explore grovve (if you are within the ages of 13 to 25). This is a youth wellness centre, located within SCAPE, that offers wellness-related programmes, workshops and free counselling services. You may click on the “Chat with us” button to book a counselling session at grovve. Link is attached here: (Discover grovve: Your Safe Space for Self-Care & Growth)
You don’t have to handle this alone. It would really help to talk to someone safe about what’s happening who can actually listen and support you. You deserve to be heard and taken seriously.