Hi @MissPudding
Thank you for sharing about what you’ve been through – it sounds like a lot and I’m going to try my best to address your questions. First up, I want to say that you have a lot of insight into your situation and that parenting should not need to run on conditions (e.g., hold back praises, “I know best”, etc.). This just sends mixed signals about how to respond to a person and also leads to certain needs not being met (e.g., support, comfort, growth) within the family. At the same time, your thoughts and feelings given the situation are valid! I would imagine feeling lost, confused, angry, upset – although you’ve been saddled with these for a very long time (i.e., ‘studying abroad’ – ten years old). It must’ve been very difficult having to cope with this alongside being a teenager! Whatever you’re doing to keep yourself going – keep doing that! 
Additionally, I find that being told to be the one “to hold him back” is going to be so tough on you to decide what to do. It almost sounds to me like you’re being triangulated. What this means is that you’re being relied upon to communicate with your father. Although it can work in some cases by taking the load of the parent through a neutral 3rd party, it can also go the opposite direction – being dragged into the conflict and putting everyone in a lot of stress! Perhaps, trying to speak to your parents openly and in a safe space just to allow yourself to be heard can be something worth giving a shot.
As for your other questions, here’s what I think…
- I think that every marriage and family comes with its own idiosyncrasies and that perception can be reality. However, a family should provide each member with the basic need of support, comfort, love, shelter, and growth; and if it doesn’t then something needs to be changed.
- Therapy can be for a variety of reasons: from learning new skills to changing unhelpful behaviours to working on mental health conditions. Some people find that speaking to someone they trust can also bring about insight into their situations although some prefer to engage in a professional. The commonality here is that they can engage you in a non-judgmental manner (and dissect with you those burning questions you’re having) and potentially work together to come up with ways to cope. Also, this thread could be helpful for you to learn more about therapy.
- I wonder if you kinda have a feeling about the answer to this question. I mean, it does involve a lot of what-ifs and clashing of important values (staying together, happiness of all VS happiness of one, etc.). I’m not sure if you’ve tried listing down all the pros and cons to really weigh what’s most important to you; if not, you can give this a try.
Till then, let us know how else we can support you. Take care!