To give context and for background purposes, me and my sister have been jobless for more than a year. We are still looking for a job to support our elderly mum who is living with us. Our mum has pre-exisiting health concerns that renders us to go for hospital for scans and checkups. This also means that one or both of us have to become her caregiver.
My aunt is a widow, is fully employed, has her own house and have been commuting daily to our house to have her daily meals. Everyday. For years.
My aunt is the second youngest sibling of 7 children. My mum is the second oldest, but oldest in terms of gender. The big sister.
Whilst, I don’t mind it before since me and my sister were employed previously, now it has become somewhat of a financial burden for us. We are tapping to our savings to go by day by day. To top it off, she doesn’t contribute financially to our family for her daily meals.
My mum acts protective of her sister, which she still thinks is her “little” sister. My aunt is approaching her 60s. My mum still wants to continue providing daily meals to my aunt despite our financial situation because my aunt is a widow and has no children.
It sounds like you and your sister have been shouldering a lot of responsibility and facing significant challenges. Juggling job searches, caregiving, and financial constraints can be incredibly stressful. It’s completely understandable that the current situation with your aunt is adding to your financial strain, especially when every dollar counts.
Your mum’s protective instincts toward her sister are deeply rooted in family bonds and love, and it’s admirable how she wants to support her. However, it’s important to recognize the impact this has on your and your sister’s well-being too. Open and compassionate conversations with your mum and aunt may help in finding a solution that respects both your aunt’s needs and your financial reality. Maybe discussing the possibility of your aunt contributing even a small amount towards her meals could alleviate some of the burden.
Remember, it’s okay to express your concerns and set boundaries when necessary. You’re doing your best to balance family commitments and financial responsibilities, and seeking help or solutions is a sign of strength. You and your sister deserve support and understanding, and finding ways to lighten the load could benefit everyone involved.
Best regards, Danial Asri
Volunteer Befriender | let’s talk by mindline.sg
@labyrinthpiece13 Given your family situation, have you considered reaching out to the nearest Family Service Centre (FSC) to see if a social worker can support you in exploring financial assistance options? Some avenues that might be relevant include:
ComCare Short-to-Medium-Term Assistance (SMTA) (via SSO) – If your household is facing financial difficulty, the Social Service Office (SSO) can assess your eligibility for short- or long-term assistance. More details found here: SupportGoWhere
Home Caregiving Grant (HCG) (via AIC) – Since your mum has pre-existing health conditions and requires caregiving, she may qualify for this grant, which provides $250 / $400 per month to help offset caregiving costs. For this, it must be assessed that your mom permanently requires some assistance with at least three of the six Activities of Daily Living. More details found here: Home Caregiving Grant (HCG) | AIC Singapore
As for your aunt, I can understand why it’s a tricky situation since your mum is emotionally invested in supporting her. It might be worth having a gentle conversation with your mum about your current financial situation and seeing if there’s a way to set some boundaries.
You’re in a really tough spot, and it’s great that you’re looking for ways to manage it rather than letting things pile up. I hope you’re also taking care of yourself amidst all this!!
Please don’t use offensive word in this safe space. Even though my family is not perfect, she is still nevertheless my aunt and my relative. She does buy my mother health supplements to aid in my mother’s recovery. My mother appreciates that - I can’t argue with her. Maybe that counts?
Sounds like your mum and your aunt have a really good relationship - that’s rare at their age I think. Hopefully they can continue this positive relationship even as they age.
On the job front, what kind of challenges are you facing? Do you need flexibility in order to care for your mum?
Thank you for replying! I was wrestling with this opinion and I am glad I’m not going crazy. I’ve been told by my sister that I’m being ridiculous for acting this way and that my aunt only needs companionship because she is living alone.
I don’t think I can ever bring this up to my mother. Unless I want to drive her to an early grave. We almost lost her three years ago. But thanks for the suggestion. If my brother had decades of free pass for not contributing to the family expenses, this is likely just a underlying typical family tradition I guess. And being the youngest of my family, it feels like I have less say in most matters.
I’m just going on here to understand and validate my thoughts and feelings. It seems that not everyone was on the same page as I was, and I had a hard time to grasp as to why.
On the job front, there’s some obstacles. Despite my vast years of experience, I am still unsure as to why I am being passed for the job. During interviews and some initial calls, I do get a feeling that it is partly due to my faith and religion. Because of the industry that I am in, I get a sense that employers don’t see me blending or fitting in their “culture” at work. It is a stereotype and biasness that I am constantly dealing with.
Thank you for replying! So glad you brought that up. Yes, my sister did apply for a comcare assistance, however it was short term (for less than 6 months) and we practically blew all of that especially when my mother got into hospital 6 months ago.
As for home caregiving grant, we are unlikely eligible because my mother is not disabled. She can still walk and stand. It is just more of changing the dressing for the wounds etc, more of the medical care aspect.
@labyrinthpiece13 I see! Yes, I understand that ComCare assistance is meant for short-term support, but I believe it can be renewed. It might be worthwhile to check with the FSC or SSO again—just in case.
I also hope you’ll have an opportunity to speak with your mum about the free meal provision for your aunt. Sometimes, parents go above and beyond their means to support their family members without realising the burden it may place on others. Given how fondly you speak of both your mum and aunt, I’m sure she may not be aware that her actions could be adding financial strain on you. While a meal might seem like just $4–$6 a day, the cost can quickly add up into a significant amount. Perhaps showing her some figures could help her better understand the financial situation at home.
Well since u alr deleted my ans, why still flag to mods? I tried to see from yr pov. And i dun feel i use offensive word.
If u dw to have responses other than counselors then u couldve put that in the context
I did not flag it to mods. I would not have known how to, since it’s my first time using this platform.
Anyway, you have the right to think however you like and hold to any opinion. I do think you are just passing judgement but you could’ve frame it better. It’s not about the context. It’s about the name calling. I think myself and everyone else who wrote to me are pretty aware of what my aunty’s behaviour can be regarded as but I refuse to term or call her as such. At the end of the day, no matter how selfish or ignorant her behaviour can be, I don’t resort to name calling or bullying etc.
This platform is also a safe space for anyone to address any of their concerns. You also have to give that much respect to the person who’s writing on the other end as well. I’m sorry you feel offended but this is my take.
Thank you for sharing your perspectives. It’s understandable that you have strong feelings about avoiding name-calling, especially when discussing family members. Everyone has different boundaries and ways of expressing their opinions, and it’s important to respect those differences.
“let’s talk” is indeed a platform where people can express their concerns and seek support. While it’s natural for discussions to evoke strong emotions, it’s beneficial for all participants to communicate in a manner that promotes understanding and respect.
Your viewpoints on this matter are noted, and it’s a reminder to all users to consider how our words may impact others, even when expressing honest opinions.
Best regards, Danial
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline.sg
It must be frustrating to feel like bias is holding you back, especially when you know you have the experience. Stereotypes in hiring are a real issue, and while it’s hard to prove, that gut feeling of not “fitting in” can be deeply demoralizing.
Have you considered broadening your job search to companies with stronger DEI initiatives / commitments? Or even industries where culture fit is less about social conformity and more about skills and expertise?
It’s not fair that you have to navigate these biases, but until the right opportunity comes along, focusing on places that actively value diversity might help cut through some of this.
Have you had any feedback from past interviews that could give more insight into what’s happening?
Yes, I have broadened my search. In fact, my role is more skill based. I am open and willing to try looking to explore into other industries. I have reached out to recruiters, head hunters and even spoken to e2i career consultant. She has mentioned that I am very hireable. I even spoke to her about my desired salary range and she agreed that my range is acceptable.
So far, I have not received any feedbacks on past interviews. I have done skills assessments for interviews and received positive feedbacks regarding it. I have had interviews even leading up to final rounds before being rejected.