Life becomes dull, what happens now?

Self-Care Lounge Challenges
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Things have been very hectic this year, and that is an understatement. Even starting to reflect about this is painful. This year marked the start of several new subjects. I initially found it slightly challenging, but as of now, I’ll say that it has gotten easier and harder at the same time. Balancing my leadership responsibilities, responsibilities as a daughter, school work and my own physical health has really taken a toll on me. The first quarter of the year was when I had the most number of breakdowns. I’ll be sitting at my desks completing homework, and when I have tried to solve the question over and over again, and still being unable to find the solution, I would start panicking, questioning, giving up. I’ll start crying for a few minutes, before having to recollect myself and give up on what I was originally trying to do. This went on for many months. When I thought the breakdowns had stopped, I had peace for a while, before I starting having panic attacks.

The triggers weren’t even major. Simple things like fixing my quilt cover or hearing my friends’ screams in a pitch dark escape room. I just started to hyperventilate and crying. I remember thinking why I wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and that I had to keep breathing fast, when in reality, I was breathing very fast. The first two times, I would be able to calm down by myself and return back to my normal self. The third attack was the worst. My parents saw that I was struggling with my time management, and told me that I would have to cut out some things in my life to provide more time for my priorities (in their opinion). And when they say, “it is a pity because you are a great leader.” They were going to make me quit my leadership positions that I had worked so hard to achieve. My leadership achievements had kept me going, something to encourage me to continue doing my best. The moment I heard it, I was internally panicking. When my parents saw, they decided to tell me, “let it out” because they knew I would either start crying or talk back.

But I started hyperventilating. And this was the worst because I vividly remember my parents in front of me, staring at me, as if waiting for me to magically stop so that we could continue the ‘talk’. It was really horrible, I will never want to experience that again. Only after a few minutes they started talking to each other, as if I wasn’t right there, listening to them, being unable to respond, just watching. Things like, “What to do”, “she has this problem with panic attacks”, “I’ll get her a bag”. The bag was supposed to help control my breathing. But it did nothing to help me. My Parents thought they had it under control, but 30-45 minutes (I cannot remember) passed and nothing was improving. I was still crying and hyperventilating. I was clutching my heart because it was pain.

Then they decided to being me to A&E. They booked a taxi and brought me there. I could barely move, watching and listening to everything but being unable to move. I remember there was someone at the A&E door, he saw my state and immediately grabbed a wheelchair and pushed me inside. When the doctors finally got to me, they managed to calm me down.

I’m sorry for going into detail. It’s just that people around me wouldn’t see the struggles I go through because I am a naturally happy person. I am physically unable to not smile for the whole day. I’m a lively person and to others, I’m not going through any difficulties. The last attack was about one month ago. I wouldn’t say I’m recovering. Although I have been prioritizing myself more, I still feel dull everyday. I feel as though there is no point in continuing education or life in fact. Not that I think about suicide all the time, it’s just that I don’t see the point in striving so hard anymore. I used to work and study super hard to my exams, but now I spend my days procrastinating. I don’t really recognize myself anymore. I don’t understand, I really don’t. This isn’t a post where I hope to search for pity. I just want to let out that maybe, just maybe, your happiest friends are going through things that you do not know too. So what do I do?

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Seek professional help.

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Hi,

It seems to me you’re feeling overwhelmed due to the large amount of commitments you have on your shoulders, and combined with the fear of failure or not meeting up to expectations, is causing you to have these panic attacks.

You may have developed an anxiety disorder through this entire process, and I want you to know that it is perfectly okay to have such a response, and many others have been in the same boat as you.

Personally, I think for the case of the 3rd panic attack, it wasn’t like your parents are ‘waiting for you to magically stop’ but rather, perhaps they do not have the adequate skills or knowledge to help you as not everyone is trained in psychological first aid, and likely they were afraid to make a wrong move and thus decided to take the safe option, which is to give you space and let you calm down.

I think you have very supportive parents who prioritize your safety and health above all else, and them asking you to ‘let it out’ is perhaps their own way of trying to ‘counsel you’. It is good to allow our emotions out, censoring our emotions is never a good thing. In that sense, feeling sadness, anger, emptiness or all these labeled ‘negative emotions’ is good as well. As they are a natural part of who we are, just simply emotions, not ‘bad’ nor ‘good’ ones.

I understand where you’re coming from, in that there is a dissociation between the image you present to others (you as a happy person) to what we are experiencing internally (the dark struggles we have but are unable to tell others). It is perfectly normal to want to release and blurt out all these difficulties we have to find someone else that understands us. It seems to me that what you are experiencing in this case is likely loneliness in a sense you seek someone who can empathize with you.

It also seems to me that perhaps there are some symptoms of depression present, with the sense of hopelessness, low mood, low motivation, the thoughts of suicide, and concentration problems. Either ways, I am not a Clinical Psychologist or Psychiatrist so it is best to get a psychological assessment so as to make sure.

In life, we have periods whereby we feel lost and helpless. I want you to know that it is a natural part of life, and your feelings are valid. And like what you said, maybe you have other friends that may be going through the same as you. I hope you feel better soon and find the strength to seek help to regain control of your life. Just know that these dark times are only temporary!

Praying for the best for you!!

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thank you so much for your encouragement and suggestions. I really appreciate it

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Hello @anonymous405 :wave:t2:!! Thank you for sharing your feelings and writing them in great detail :clap:t2:!

I’m not a professional therapist or psychologist but I want you to know that you’re not alone and there are many people out there like you too. I understand how difficult it can be to take on new subjects that we are unfamiliar with even after we have familiarized ourselves with them, things or the content just get harder. However, I believe that it will be more manageable once you “get used” to it.

Perhaps, I would like to share my similar experience with you about panic attacks (if you would like to read)

To begin, I am not the brightest kid of course and I require more time to understand a concept, etc. therefore, I usually take more time than the rest of my friends to study. I know, it can be frustrating seeing how others can finish their work or revision quicker than I do but I guess it’s really how we are built differently. Initially, I hated myself as I worked hard or put in a lot of effort but the results aren’t comparable to my friends. In addition to that, as I am a slow learner, I do things or finish up my revision or assignments slower than the rest too. Even though I started revising or doing my work early when tons of assignments’ due dates were around the same deadline, I do get panic attacks too (last time). How I deal with my panic attacks or burnout is to tell and compose myself by understanding that it wouldn’t help me get things done or it wouldn’t solve the issue, all I have to do is stay calm and try my best. Ultimately, I know I’ve tried and even if the results don’t show or live up to my expectations, I know I’ve tried :star2:

In your case, I see that you have a lot on your plate and it’s getting quite overwhelming for you. I understand you worked hard for your leadership position and you loved it therefore, I would suggest for you to continue as a form of place for you to relax. However, taking on that position would mean that you have less time for revision, etc. therefore, you will need to think through that. If you want to continue taking up the leadership position, you need to be disciplined with your work and procrastinate less. Everyone needs a break from studying or working. The break could include naps, doing something you like, etc. (don’t ever feel guilty about taking breaks) :heart_hands:

I apologize for the lengthy post but anytime you need to pour your feelings or rant out, feel free to spill them here :ear:t2:!

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No problem, I hope I have been able to bring some peace to you, even if a small amount. Cheering for you!

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Hi @Anonymous405,

First of all, I want to thank you for being so brave and vulnerable in sharing what you’ve been going through. It sounds like this year has been extremely difficult, and the weight of balancing school, leadership responsibilities, and expectations from yourself and others has really taken a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. What you’re feeling is completely valid, and it’s important to acknowledge just how much you’ve been carrying.

1. Feeling Overwhelmed and the Impact of Panic Attacks

You’ve described a situation where you’re dealing with overwhelm—a mix of commitments and responsibilities that has led to frequent breakdowns and, more recently, panic attacks. These panic attacks, triggered by seemingly small events, show that your body and mind are reacting to the constant stress you’ve been under. It’s important to understand that panic attacks aren’t a sign of weakness or failure—they are your body’s way of telling you that it’s been stretched too thin.

When you described the third panic attack, it’s clear that your parents may not have fully understood what you were going through. As you pointed out, it might not have been that they were waiting for you to “magically stop” but rather that they didn’t know how to help. Many people aren’t equipped with the skills to handle panic attacks, so their response may have come from a place of not knowing what else to do. The fact that they eventually took you to the hospital shows that they care deeply about your well-being, even if they couldn’t immediately calm you down.

2. Emotional Disconnect and the Pressure to Perform

You mentioned that outwardly you’re seen as a happy, lively person, but internally you’ve been struggling. This disconnect between what you show the world and what you’re actually feeling is incredibly difficult to carry. It sounds like part of this pressure comes from a feeling that you have to keep making others happy or fulfill certain expectations, whether those are from school, your leadership roles, or even your parents.

I wonder if part of the exhaustion you’re feeling comes from having to constantly meet the expectations of others—keeping up the image of being strong and capable when inside, you’re overwhelmed. This could be contributing to why you’re feeling so disconnected and unmotivated now. When we spend so much energy making others happy or trying to live up to their expectations, we sometimes lose touch with what we actually want and need.

3. Hypothesis: Are You Enjoying What You’re Doing?

It’s worth asking yourself a hard but important question: Are you truly enjoying the things you’re working so hard for right now, or are you doing them to make others happy? This isn’t about giving up your ambitions or stepping away from your responsibilities, but rather about slowing down and checking in with yourself. Are the leadership roles and academic pressures you’ve taken on still bringing you joy, or have they become another source of stress that’s pushing you to your breaking point?

When we start doing things solely to meet external expectations—whether that’s keeping our parents proud, maintaining a certain image, or living up to societal standards—we risk losing our own sense of happiness in the process. It’s important to reconnect with your own reasons for striving, and if those reasons are no longer serving you, it might be time to reevaluate how you’re approaching your responsibilities.

4. Holding Space for Your Emotions

You’ve been holding a lot inside, and I want to remind you that it’s okay to express emotions without feeling like you need to make others happy in the process. You don’t always have to smile or appear put together. It’s okay to show sadness, frustration, or any other emotions you’re feeling—they are all valid. Your emotions don’t need to be censored to protect the image others have of you, and you don’t need to feel guilty for not always being the “happy” person others expect.

It’s also worth holding space for yourself to slow down. Give yourself permission to take a step back and breathe. When things are overwhelming, it’s easy to feel like you have to keep pushing forward, but sometimes the most important thing you can do is to pause and let yourself feel, without rushing to “fix” everything.

5. Panic Attacks and Emotional Exhaustion

Your panic attacks are a clear sign that the stress you’ve been under has reached a point where your body is reacting in defense. During a panic attack, it’s easy to feel like you’re losing control, especially when your breathing becomes rapid, and your mind starts racing. It’s understandable that this would leave you feeling scared and disconnected afterward.

While your parents may not have been able to calm you in the moment, it’s important to acknowledge that they did the best they could by eventually taking you to the hospital. Even though their approach may not have been perfect, their actions show they care about your well-being. However, it’s also important for you to learn ways to manage these attacks when they happen, so you feel more in control. Simple grounding exercises or breathing techniques can help bring you back to the present moment when you feel panic rising.

6. Reconnecting with Your Sense of Self

You mentioned that you don’t really recognize yourself anymore, and that can be a disorienting feeling. It sounds like you’ve gone from being highly motivated and driven to feeling exhausted and disconnected. This isn’t a failure on your part—it’s a sign that you’ve been carrying too much for too long. You’re experiencing burnout, and it’s okay to take time to focus on yourself and figure out what will help you reconnect with who you truly are.

It’s important to remember that you are still the same person who took pride in your leadership achievements and worked hard to do your best. But right now, your mind and body are telling you that they need rest and a chance to recalibrate. This period of feeling lost is a normal response to prolonged stress, and with time and care, you’ll be able to find your way back to the things that bring you joy and fulfillment.

7. Small Steps Forward

Here are a few steps you can take to begin reorienting yourself:

  • Slow Down and Reflect: Give yourself permission to pause and reflect on what truly makes you happy. Ask yourself: Am I still doing this for myself, or am I trying to meet others’ expectations? This reflection can help you rediscover what’s meaningful to you.
  • Practice Grounding Techniques: When you feel a panic attack coming on, try grounding exercises like focusing on the five senses—what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. This can help bring you back to the present and slow down your breathing.
  • Talk to a Counselor or Therapist: If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to talk to a mental health professional who can support you through this time. They can help you explore the feelings of burnout and anxiety, and work with you to find ways to reduce the pressure you’re under.
  • Reevaluate Your Commitments: It’s okay to reconsider some of the responsibilities you’ve taken on. You don’t have to quit everything, but giving yourself more space by reducing certain commitments can provide the relief you need to heal.
  • Embrace Your Emotions: It’s okay to express how you’re feeling without worrying about how others will react. Your emotions are valid, and you don’t always have to put on a brave face. If you’re feeling sad or overwhelmed, give yourself permission to feel that without guilt.

8. You Deserve Care and Rest

Right now, it’s important to recognize that you deserve care, rest, and space to process everything you’ve been through. You’ve shown incredible strength by sharing your story and reflecting on your feelings. The pressure you’re under doesn’t define you, and taking time to slow down doesn’t mean you’ve lost your way—it means you’re taking care of yourself so that you can continue to move forward with more clarity and purpose.

Remember, you don’t have to carry all of this on your own. You’re allowed to slow down, reevaluate, and choose what’s best for your well-being. You’ve already taken the first step by sharing your story—now, take the next steps with care and kindness toward yourself.

Take care, and know that you’re not alone on this journey.

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Thank you so much for your comments. It really helps to know that there are people out there who are going through the same thing and care. I’ll do my best to follow what was suggested :smiley: