Life has lost it's colour

[smilingnarwhal5129]

I graduated from University a year ago today. Like any other teenager I was constantly bombarded with the dreadful “what do you want to study?” question. I have always struggled with being decisive, so naturally these types of questions cause a lot of anxiety. While I was in college, my friends would ask me why I wouldn’t sleep with any girls or get into a relationship. At the time, I would say that I felt like I didn’t know who I was enough to get into a relationship. I think my parents also played a part in influencing me not to sleep around with random people. I would tell myself that it was not fulfilling and that I didn’t understand myself enough to get into a relationship. I often questioned whether it was just an excuse I would give myself in order to not feel rejected. I struggle with not knowing if something I want is truly my choice or if its some kind of expectation from society which will later turn out to be false/unfulfilling. This is especially difficult when I ask myself what I want in the future or what kind of person I want to become.

I noticed that most of the friends that I have, struggle with some kind of mental health problem. Two of my close friends are bipolar, one has ADHD, and a handful have Depression. This has always been the case, and I think for some reason I find them more open and relatable.

Now that I am out of college and back in my hometown, I struggle to make friends. I went backpacking for a while and found it difficult to really connect with people. I struggle to meet people when there is a large group and I think I come off as unapproachable. I think when I meet people, I struggle to make interesting conversation or I come off as a bit strange. Or maybe they can feel that I am being disingenuous when I try to act interested in what they are saying, or that I am trying too hard. I find it hard to like people. A lot of the time, they might say or do something that is off putting or irritates me and I think I might come across as very judgemental.

I struggle to figure out which direction to take right now. I’ve thought about looking for a job but once I start searching I can see myself being bored in every position. I also grew up in a somewhat wealthy family, and I’ve seen how working for someone else is usually exploitative. I struggle in deciding whether I should pursue something more artistic as it may be more fulfilling, but I also understand the power of money and it’s importance in raising kids. How should I set up my framework to guarantee that I won’t have regrets in the future? How do you find a framework that will bring fulfillment? For example, instead of worrying on ways that I can make more money, I could be focusing on ways to change my mentality so that I only need the bare minimum.

I know this is a bit of a rant and I’m sorry. I know my thoughts are all over the place and they might seem cloudy. A small glimpse into my mind. Thanks for reading all the way through

[douggydoug]

Hi OP,

It seems like you’ve been through a tough journey, and that journey has left you burnt out. I’ve had my fair share of lethargy once I graduated university, and I was really struggling to adjust with my new work environment for a year or so. There were days where I felt like life wasn’t worth living–what’s the point of continuing when I’m just so damn tired most of the time?

Making new friends is difficult, I’ve rarely had any new friends maintain contact for more than a month lol. I’ve been fortunate to have other friends here that I can stick with, but I also want to explore more of out there. Even if you may not vibe with someone new, at the end of the day, it’s just about being in the present moment and getting new experiences.

To be honest, I can’t really answer how to set up a framework to guarantee “no regrets in the future.” What I’ve learnt throughout my life is that no matter how far you plan things ahead, some event will just screw it up and throw you off course. For example, when I originally planned to focus on my studies while my father was helping to pay the university fees, it suddenly changed to me having to scrape by my dad’s savings because he suddenly passed away and no one else in my family was a breadwinner.

For now, I’m working in a job that is not aligned with my passions, but it helps me to get by. I use the free time I have after work and on the weekends to do my hobbies. I talk to my friends quite often, and we would hangout several times a month. So far, it’s been great, although there were times where I questioned what I was doing with my life and whether I should have more ambitious dreams. But then, I’d wake up tomorrow, go down to buy my favourite food at the hawker centre nearby my apartment, do my favourite hobbies, and just chillax.

I think the path to having a “fulfilling” life is different for everyone. For me, it’s just about spending the limited time I have on Earth doing what I love, what brings me joy and excitement. Ever since my father passed away, I realised how limited human life really is. It doesn’t mean that I think of life having a set deadline, but more of an ocean of possibility. Instead of boxing myself in, it’s a deep, open space of opportunities I can do as long as I’m able to get there realistically. I can choose to stay in one spot, or I can go to whichever direction I desire and see where the ocean takes me. Then, at least I won’t be in the same spot as I was before. I can say that I’ve experienced it, and I’ve moved from where I was before. Does that make sense? Haha.

I don’t really think about the future often. It’s good to prep yourself with future matters, but it’s more important to be present in the moment. I can wake up the next morning, I get to look at the bright, blue sky, and I get to go home in a comfortable room.

[CaringBee]

Dear @smilingnarwhal5129

Thank you for reaching out. What you are feeling is very common after graduation so you are not alone. I believe it arises from uncertainty and pressure to choose the “right” path. I see that you are trying to make choices that feel true to you, and that takes more effort and reflection.

The key shift is to stop trying to design a perfect life with no regrets. Instead, I recommend to focus on running small experiments and learning from them. Try different jobs, projects, or paths and notice what fits. Focus on your values such as freedom, stability, or creativity rather than chasing a specific role. Aim for something that feels good enough instead of perfect, and accept that every path comes with trade offs.

On the social side, it may help to stop trying to impress others and just be yourself. You seem to value deeper and more meaningful connections, which can make casual interactions feel less satisfying, and that is understandable.

Some helpful resources include reading the book Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans which explains that we you do not need to have our entire future figured out, we can design our life step by step. The book applies design thinking (a problem-solving approach used by designers) to life decisions, encouraging us to experiment, try different paths, and learn from experience instead of waiting for a perfect plan.

It emphasises creating balance across areas like health, work, relationships, and enjoyment, rather than focusing only on success or achievements. Instead of believing there is only one “right” path, the authors suggest building multiple possible versions of our future and testing them through small actions. They also highlight that passion isn’t something we wait to find out, it grows through doing and exploring.

Overall, I think the book can help you in the current situation as it teaches that failure is a normal and useful part of the process. By staying flexible, curious, and willing to adjust, we can gradually shape a meaningful life instead of feeling stuck or pressured to get everything right at once. Be compassionate towards yourself throughout.