Life transition phase and Self identity

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1

I really need some help and guidance by a Therapist.

I spent 13 years in Vietnam followed my local wife, raised a child and generally attended house-husband duties. I felt useful and had a role to play in life. I am now 80 years old and wife is 57 but live with 2 frail sisters (68 & 62) . My daughter has now migrated and i no longer see a role and identity. But currently, i feel nostalgic and wish to return to Singapore, my birth place and where my family members are living. There are tugs in both directions and I am unsure what to choose. And i don’t want a hasty decision that i may regret later.

• Current feeling:

• Singapore still seems manageable, but requires more effort and energy. (familiarity, medical efficiencies, but need energy expended for buy food, mrt energy walks and needs self management)

• Vietnam feels easier and more sustainable physically, especially with ageing and nursing chronic conditions.(wife’s family members cater all my food needs, minimal energy expended, less self management needed,; a retiree’s lifestyle, strong pull as can drive own car to meet needs. But medically maybe bit inadequate)

• Key unresolved question:

• How to protect energy and quality of life without moving too far from family responsibility and long-term security?

Some Therapist..please advise…thanks…

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2

Thank you for sharing. It seems like you’re not really deciding between two countries. You’re trying to answer a deeper question: who am I now, and where do I belong?

Your role as father and house-husband gave you purpose. That chapter has changed, and the loss of it hurts. The geography question is tangled up in that grief.

Vietnam gives you physical ease, care, and comfort — but perhaps a feeling of being without a clear role.

Singapore gives you roots, family, and identity — but costs you energy you may not have as much of anymore.

Neither is wrong. Neither is complete.

But before deciding where to live, it might help to ask yourself: what would make me feel useful and connected, wherever I am? The answer to that question might point you toward the right place more clearly than weighing up food, transport, and medical care.

You might also want to visit Singapore for a few times or stay for a period of time. See how it actually feels, not how you remember it. Then decide with real experience rather than nostalgia or fear. It worthy having an honest conversation with your wife too.