Making connections

I don’t know what I’m going through right now but I’ll try to explain it.
I’ve always been an extrovert since young, but recently, especially this year, i think I’m becoming more introverted. Since switching to a new class this year, my social circle has shrunk, instead of a group of friends, i now only have actually real close friends in class. I don’t ever have a problem with making friends, but having close friends, or a friend group is something I struggle with. I used to tag along with a big group of friends since i had 1 or 2 friends in there. But i stopped because I didn’t see the point of it anymore. When we hung out, i didn’t really belong because they talked about different topics and people I wasn’t familiar with. Now during breaks i eat alone, or sometimes with a friend who sometimes decides to eat with me and sometimes decides to eat alone.

At home, I’ve been feeling increasingly uncomfortable with my dad. Both my parents have been present and supportive in terms of basic needs and stuff. But my dad is very direct with his words and comments on my personal topics which makes it very unbearable., when he’s pissed he can say something that might not seem like anything but to me it is very hurtful. Because of this, I stay in my room and keep the door closed at all times. Sometimes they will eat together and play games together but I don’t join in because I don’t want to be with my dad. Because of this, my mum and sibling have become annoyed with me for isolating myself like I’m only living alone, when i tell them my reasoning they think I’m being oversensitive and accept that my dad is that way and I can’t change him. So after that conversation, i opened up and tried to be “normal” by not staying in my room all the time, talking to my dad and playing games. One day when all of us went out to a mall, i thought it was pretty and kept on “wow”ing I don’t know how loud i was, but i know there was no one near us to hear me but my dad became pissed at told me to stop and called me something I don’t understand the meaning of. It might seem small, and i don’t know if I’m crazy but that really through me off and as a person who easily cries (maybe its because of my mental state right now) i started tearing up. Back home, like every night, we would come together to play a game. After the first round of the game, someone won and they got the points, I remembered I wanted to tell them I didn’t want to play with money anymore (it family only so my dad said its internally why are you so particular). I said I don’t want to play with money, if not I don’t want to play. I don’t know maybe its the way i said it or something but he suddenly said do you have friends in school in a very interrogative and sharp manner. I went to my room and cried. I heard my mom telling my dad not to corner me like that. After that, i gave up trying to be open and “normal” and went back to staying in my room at all times. My mom and sibling acted normal and continued playing another game (for 3 players) with my dad.

So i just want to know, is it wrong for me to feel hurt by those 2 incidents? Is it that small that I’m supposed to suck it up and go on with life normally talking to my dad normally? Is it normal that parents don’t have to apologise but when kids say something hurtful or do something wrong they must apologise? Did my dad not do anything wrong? And my mum and sibling are just okay to go on without talking about it. It’s been a few days after that so am I overreacting and being crazy? Ive been crying every single day on and off throughout the day and it’s messing me up. How do i continue interacting and living normally with my family including my dad when sometimes he says these kinds of things without apologising?

Hi @user1413 ,

I can hear how much emotional pain you’ve been going through, and I want to start by saying that your feelings are completely valid. It’s okay to feel hurt by the things your dad said, and it’s also okay to feel unsure about what to do with those feelings. Sometimes, when the people closest to us say things that hurt, it can feel even more painful because we expect them to understand us better than anyone else.

I can tell you’ve been really trying to be open with your family, and I imagine that effort took a lot of courage. So when your dad responded in ways that felt hurtful, it makes sense that you felt like retreating back into your room. Your emotions matter, and it’s not wrong to feel the way you do. Sometimes, parents don’t always realize the impact of their words, but that doesn’t mean you have to just “suck it up.” It’s not about being oversensitive—your feelings are real, and it’s normal to want an apology or at least acknowledgment of the hurt.

You mentioned feeling like you’re “supposed to go on with life normally,” even though inside you dread it every day. That must be really hard to carry around, especially if it feels like no one at home is noticing or talking about it. It’s important to recognize that bottling up those feelings doesn’t make them go away—it just makes the weight heavier. So I want to acknowledge that what you’re feeling right now is not too small or something you should just ignore.

One thing that might help is to start focusing more on how you’re feeling inside, rather than how others expect you to act or feel, and your emotions are not a reflection of being “crazy” or “overreacting.” They’re signals from within, telling you that something is uncomfortable and needs to be attended to. On a similar note, perhaps you have grown, and there may be some expectations from you about your family that are not being met.

You asked how to keep living normally with your family, especially with your dad. That’s a tough question, and it’s okay not to have the answers right away. What’s important is finding ways to express what you’re going through in a way that feels safe to you.

Sometimes, people don’t always respond the way we want them to, but that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. You deserve a space where you can be heard and seen. You may want to consider opening up to those around you that you feel safe being vulnerable (mum? sister?). If you do not feel up to it, you can consider journaling, talking to a friend, or finding a counselor who can listen.

You’re not alone in feeling hurt, and your emotions are worth paying attention to. Take small steps to take care of yourself, and remember, it’s okay to ask for help along the way.

Take care of yourself, and we are here if you want to share more. Let us know how you feel?