i am quite muddled in my thoughts and just want an outlet for them haha
tw possibly??
ive been struggling w my mental health for more than half my life (since i was about 8) and its quite impossible to imagine a future where things are better… like logically i know that things have improved slightly but its so frustrating how slow it is…
i was first made to start therapy a few years back when i attempted and i really do know things are better now. even if i do regularly have thoughts like that now i know for sure that i wont act on them which i think might count for something… but i also experience a lot of dissociation (not using the word lightly, using the words of my therapist) so all my thoughts and memories are quite foggy which makes it hard for me to recognise how i feel now and any improvement there may have been… all i recognise is that i felt bad then and i feel bad now
i recently started uni which has been quite isolating because i find it difficult to socialise and its quite stark compared to the forced socialisation in jc… plus the people i can confide in have moved overseas for uni which isnt helping :< and the isolation is triggering some of the old thoughts and patterns
one thing thats really bothering me is that my issues with food are coming back and im not going to post any specifics or numbers here because thats good for no one but its been getting quite bad… i dont know if it counts as an ed but its literally consuming all my thoughts which is subpar… aghh… im also scared to talk to my therapist about it because its kinda out of her scope but like who else do i go to lol… so whoopsie
anyway tangent aside its very difficult to have hope for the future ive honestly fully given up on ever getting better :// oh well… i honestly dont know where im going with this so im just gonna end the post here lol
It sounds incredibly challenging to manage these emotions and changes, especially when you’ve been dealing with mental health struggles for so long. It’s understandable to feel frustrated with the slow progress, and the foggy memories and dissociation can make it even harder to recognize any improvements.
Starting university can be a big adjustment, and it’s tough when it feels isolating, especially without your close friends nearby. It’s important to acknowledge the progress you’ve made, even if it feels slow, and to reach out to your therapist or another trusted professional about your concerns with food. They might be able to provide support or refer you to someone who can help with those specific issues.
Remember, you’re not alone in this, and there are people who care and want to support you. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and unsure about the future, but don’t give up hope. Small steps forward, even if they seem insignificant, are still progress. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.
For more information on relevant services in the community, you may wish to visit the following resources:
im a little scared to ask for help for the food issue though… i have all the symptoms except i recently gained a lot of weight because of antidepressants so even if i am losing weight now im not close to underweight… so i feel it doesn’t count as a real issue and no one would see it that way
It’s completely understandable to feel apprehensive about getting help for your food-related issues. However, I want to re-emphasise that the act of seeking help is a courageous step, and there are plenty of community resources available (which I’ve linked in the previous reply). Also, eating disorders are NOT limited to the symptom of weight loss itself; but rather, it is characterised as having an abnormal relationship with food (as you have mentioned previously).
For starters, you may wish to visit your doctor at your nearest polyclinic, and inform them about your current issues. It is important to seek help early, and the doctor will be able to recommend the appropriate treatment.
