Hello, i am a middle schooler in indonesia i woukd like to talk about my emotions spesiffically anger.I have been struggling to manage my anger and emotions since i was a kid like 6-11 but it has gotten better now..? I like to express my anger in a child like manner such as throwing fits of rage and such.. I wanna admit I have broken 3 showerheads,my neigboors and my piping systems the toilet my personal belongings,walls ect… and I can also hurt people during these process such as my house assistants,buttlers ect… and I did something bad once I got into a big argument with my classmate and he kept teasing me and making fun of me then I got so mad that I took my 9kg bag and tried to hit him with it I am so sorry and ashamed I felt mad angry upset? But that is not an excuse to hurt anyone well.. luckily my teacher saw and came in saving him i guess I have more stuff I did outta anger but since I got into middle school it has calmed down alot i guess but i need tips on anger or emotional issues thanks ! 
Hello @user6120,
Thank you for sharing your shame and you sound like someone who knows what you did was wrong and doesn’t want to be that person again. It also sounds like you’ve been carrying this inside you for years, not just against others, but against your own emotions.
Reading what you shared, I could sense how the anger wasn’t only about the classmate or the broken things. It felt like years of not being heard, not being understood, like all the frustration and unmet needs just found the quickest way to escape your body.
Sometimes when anger has no place to go, it becomes an unbearable urge, and you were trying to appease the unhappiness inside, in the process, it turned outwards, hurting things, people, even putting yourself in harm’s way. That’s what guilt does now: it reminds you that this isn’t who you want to be.
You said it’s gotten better since middle school, it means you’re already learning self-control bit by bit. Now the next step is understanding why the anger feels so strong sometimes. Here’s something that might help you start making sense of it:
Anger often looks like it comes from nowhere, but in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) we see that our thoughts come first → they create feelings → and those feelings drive our behaviour.
for example:
- situation: your classmate teases you
- thought: “he’s making fun of me, everyone thinks i’m stupid”
- feeling: anger, humiliation
- behaviour: lash out, throw something
but if you can slow the steps, catch the thought before it turns into action, you can ask yourself:
- What’s happening to me? Am I angry? What am I feeling in my body?
- What story is my mind telling me right now — is it true?
- How is my story helping my ability to calm down?
- Is it worth it that I get into trouble?
That pause, even just a few seconds, can stop the chain. It’s not easy, it takes practice, but each time you catch it, you’re rewiring how your brain reacts.
Since you’re in Indonesia, I’m not sure if your school has a counsellor. If there is one, please reach out and tell them what’s been happening. Let them know you’re scared of your anger and want to learn to manage it better, that honesty will help them walk you through the process gently. If your school doesn’t have one, your parents or a trusted teacher can help you connect with a professional counsellor in your area. You don’t have to figure this out by yourself.
For now, you might try this when the anger builds up:
- stop. breathe in 4 seconds, hold 1, out 6.
- move your body safely, push against a wall, run, or squeeze a pillow.
- when calm, write what happened in a notebook: what you thought, what you felt, what you did.
Each entry helps you see the chain more clearly.
It’s good that you’re asking for tips, because that means you’re already taking responsibility. The goal isn’t to be “never angry”, it’s to make you catch yourself angry and give yourself a chance to calm down. It is clear that you’re still figuring this out, so one small pause at a time, hope that it works for you.
Hello @user6120, thanks for opening up and sharing this. It takes a lot of courage to talk about something as personal as anger, especially when it’s been something you’ve struggled with for a long time. It really sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s a big step that you’re thinking about it and wanting to improve. That already shows you’re growing and becoming more aware of yourself.
It’s also great that you noticed your anger has gotten better since middle school. That means you’re already making progress, even if it doesn’t feel perfect yet. Sometimes our bodies and minds react in ways we learned when we were younger, and it can take time to change those habits.
Something that might help is writing down what you’re feeling when you start to get angry. You could note what happened, what thoughts came up, and how your body felt. This can help you understand what usually triggers your anger and recognize it earlier next time.
It might also help to have a plan for when you feel anger building up. For example, you could leave the room for a few minutes, take a walk, or focus on your breathing by slowly counting in and out. Talking to someone you trust, like a parent, teacher, or friend, after you’ve calmed down can also make a big difference.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Feeling angry doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you’re human and still learning how to handle strong emotions. The fact that you’re reflecting on it and asking for advice shows a lot of strength and maturity.