I feel like I’m under so much pressure to do well for my O-lvls which are nearing. I have to live up to ppl’s expectations of me and my own expectations of myself. To make things worse, I haven’t done well for my WA2 and I’m starting to lag behind in class (esp Amath). Just the thought of studying makes me feel extremely suffocated, yet I have to force myself to study bcs I just can’t NOT study. I feel like I’m drifting away from my friends, like there’s a vast distance between us and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to close up this increasing distance. I’m trying and trying but it rly feels like I’m not doing enough. It feels like I’m not enough. I’m so tired of it all I just wanna end this all tbh. I’m not suicidal or depressed, I’m just tired. I want a break, but it feels like I shouldn’t. Every rant/vent with my friends is like a cry for help but it feels like these cries go unheard. It feels like they have earplugs on, too busy caring about themselves to bother abt me. But, they also bring me joy at times. They’re great friends but I can’t seem to be real self ard them, it feels like I have to put up the facade of being the bright, smiley friend or they wouldn’t like me.
I feel like crying but I can’t — it’s as if I’m numb. I can’t seem to be happy either, or angry. I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been clean for MONTHS but I rly feel like relapsing agn bcs of all the immense pressure, the stress and the numbness. I just wanna feel something again; just wanna feel genuinely happy again, is that rly so hard?
You deserve a break for working so hard. Sometimes taking a break helps me re-focus and study better. I’m glad your friends bring you joy at times although it seems like you feel that your friends are not hearing you. Would it help if you ask them if they have time and energy to listen to your rants first before actually ranting? Maybe that’ll help put them in an appropriate emotional state to listen to you.
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings and thoughts here, I commend you for your courage to reach out on this platform. I’m really so sorry to hear that you’ve been going through such a challenging time. I totally understand that you feel overwhelmed, especially with the pressure of upcoming O-levels and the expectations you’re facing.
First of all, feeling suffocated and struggling with the weight of expectations can be incredibly challenging and tiring at the same time. I want to acknowledge that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to seek support during this time. Secondly, I can imagine how stuck you feel when you try to reach out to your friends but you do not receive support like you hope to, and it must be really disappointing to experience that. I’m truly sorry about that too.
I want to encourage you that your feelings are all valid and real, and I am so proud of you for reaching out here. I would like to share with you some things that you can consider:
Focus on Self-Care – No wait, make it a priority! Even though studying is important, taking breaks, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities you enjoy can help reduce stress and restore your emotional well-being. You can take a walk, do some drawing, or anything else that helps you to feel peace and rest for that moment.
Seek Professional Help - Given your history of self-harm and the current feelings of numbness and the desire to relapse, it would be good to consider professional help. A therapist or counsellor can help you explore and manage your emotions in a safe and supportive environment. They can also help you process your feelings together and provide helpful strategies to cope for this season.
Authenticity with Friends - It’s natural to want to be your authentic self around your friends. Consider having an open and honest conversation with them about how you’re feeling. True friends will appreciate your vulnerability and will support you through difficult times. You can start the conversation by sharing how you feel and asking them for their thoughts too.
Please do remember that it’s okay to ask for help! It’s a sign of strength, not weakness. You absolutely deserve to feel happy and to be your authentic self. I see resilience in you, so don’t give up on that virtue! Keep going!
hello! i don’t know whether u’ll see this reply but since O levels are coming soon as well, I just want to check in with you to see if everything is ok. I really do feel you in terms with your struggles and I’m really glad to see you reaching out here! Many of us including myself have been through the exam stress and the feeling that your friends are not here for you. I just want to tell you that you should not put so much pressure on yourself and just do your best! Reach out to your teachers as well or even seek help online such as SGExam forum on reddit to get educational resources! I understand that O levels might look scary but based on my own experiences, practicing the ten year series really helps! Maybe your feeling of sadness and numbness is due to being burnt out from your studies, so do remember to keep your health in check by taking breaks and doing some exercises to keep yourself calm. Regarding your friendship issue, I’m really sorry that you feel that way and I hope that there was a form of reconciliation since the time you posted this. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be a different person in front of them, I believe everyone would enjoy some authenticity in their life. Furthermore, I understand your frustration that you think your friends does not care about you. Maybe try and give them the benefit of the doubt as everyone has struggles of their own and may not necessarily show it. So do treat everyone you with kindness! I wish you all the best for your O levels and I believe you can do it!
Even though studying is important, taking breaks, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities you enjoy can help reduce stress and restore your emotional well-being. You can take a walk, do some drawing, or anything else that helps you to feel peace and rest for that moment.
It’s a sign of strength, not weakness. You absolutely deserve to feel happy and to be your authentic self. I see resilience in you, so don’t give up on that virtue! Keep going!