My dad cheated

Hangouts Rants
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Hello, I’ve started intern as year 3 and it’s a major life change for me as I try to adapt with my anxiety, ocd, stress in the design field. (Made a post about it) It has started to look up a bit, before I found out my dad cheated yesterday. I’ve long known my dad and mom no longer habour romantic affections with each other. So when mom exposed this to just me, she truly didn’t feel anything except for resignation and a focus to keep the money that will support me for university overseas.

He was a decent father, I like talking to him. He’s my dad. I just never expect him to do this, and he’s a Christian. It kind of taints the already negative view of Christianity I have. That’s a small point.

The major blow was that I thought he was honest at least, he knows his morals and albeit I disagree with him on certain views, he is still the father that loves me and takes care of me. Me and my mom strike up a compromise and deal to never let it be known that I know he cheated, else hell might break loose and I still need to go overseas uni. Only after I graduate university she will bring it up and they will separate I think.

I’ve known that my mom and dad has no romantic feelings and hard strings for each other anymore since a long time ago. He always have the mindset that “guys are this and that” but for him to be such a hypocrite about his own views gutted me. I can’t look at him the same way anymore. Even if I’m closer to my mom and granny, why does he do this?

I don’t understand. Raise your kid till she grows up and then cleave off the relationship and find someone else. You brought me to this world, you have the responsibility. Why are you doing it in such a cowardly and dishonest way?

At the same time I hate that I still can feel why my dad did this, he had love for me as a daughter, but romantically there’s nothing there in the family. So maybe (highly likely) he wants to find it outside. He has been sneaky, snapping food to send to someone else, sending soft voice messages (the observations made by my mom and granny, I totally missed it.) I thought he was more positive because he was happier on the inside, so I was glad for him. Turns out the mood change might be coming from external person.

I might delete this post, I already decide that I’m gonna act normal based on the compromise me and my mom made, but I just want someone to hear me. I feel the heaviness physically. I’m really blank and numb right now. I cried enough yesterday. But my father will never be the same.

Thanks for listening.

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Hey @user5339
Thank you for sharing this :folded_hands: it takes a lot of strength to speak so openly about something so heavy.
It makes complete sense that you feel numb, blank, even physically weighed down by it. the betrayal, the confusion, the quiet deal you and your mom made… it is a lot to carry, especially when you’re already juggling so many changes…

It’s okay to love him still and feel disappointed at the same time. you are not wrong for feeling any of this- your emotions are valid and real.

I hope you have gentle support around you, even if just quietly, while you try to hold it together for now.

Sending you care and strength :heart_hands:

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Hey @user5339. Thank you for trusting us with something this big and painful. I know you said you might delete this post, but even if you do, I’m glad you allowed yourself to write it out. That takes a quiet kind of strength.

When someone you look up to, someone you loved and trusted, ends up hurting people you care about… it makes the whole world feel tilted. Like something sacred got shattered and now you don’t know what to believe anymore.

It’s okay that you still love him. It’s okay that you’re disappointed. It’s definitely okay that you feel numb. Sometimes numbness isn’t a lack of care. It’s your brain trying to give you space to process without breaking down.

There’s no “right” reaction here. What you’re feeling is deeply human. And you’re allowed to take your time figuring out what this means for you.

You’re doing what you need to survive right now and you’re handling it with more grace than you realize. And that’s enough. We’re with you, okay? :sunflower:

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Hello @user5339 that is a lot you are trying to process and thanks for sharing it with the community here. It must have taken a lot of strength. It is definitely not easy for anyone to process such a news and you are also trying your best to work through this with your mom despite your own inner struggle. That shows how you are trying to be so supportive to your family considering how intense the situation has been.

I can’t begin to even imagine the emotional upheaval you might be going through at this point and no wonder you are experiencing the physical heaviness and numbness inside of you.

With everything that is going on, it is totally okay to take your own time to process it and just know that there is a community always willing to hear you out.

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Thank you for sharing this here, whether you delete it or not. You want someone to hear you and chose to show up for yourself in the midst of all this happening. What you’re going through is so difficult and painful, and you’re still trying to make sense of everything that has happened past and present. I see the hurt your dad’s actions have caused you, and the feelings you’re having is so valid. You’re not alone

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Dear @user5339,

thanks for sharing with us about this, especially something so sensitive. While reading your post, i can see where your hurt and numbness stand from and it must be very painful to see your father do something that not only hurts now but changes the dynamics. I understand it might be disorientating because you mentioned how you he loves you and takes care of you but still ended up hurting your family.

I just want to say whatever you are feeling is very real and although the path to getting out of this may feel long and scary but I hope you know this space will always be here for you to talk about what you’re facing. Sending you lots of love and comfort.