Hello, I’ve started intern as year 3 and it’s a major life change for me as I try to adapt with my anxiety, ocd, stress in the design field. (Made a post about it) It has started to look up a bit, before I found out my dad cheated yesterday. I’ve long known my dad and mom no longer habour romantic affections with each other. So when mom exposed this to just me, she truly didn’t feel anything except for resignation and a focus to keep the money that will support me for university overseas.
He was a decent father, I like talking to him. He’s my dad. I just never expect him to do this, and he’s a Christian. It kind of taints the already negative view of Christianity I have. That’s a small point.
The major blow was that I thought he was honest at least, he knows his morals and albeit I disagree with him on certain views, he is still the father that loves me and takes care of me. Me and my mom strike up a compromise and deal to never let it be known that I know he cheated, else hell might break loose and I still need to go overseas uni. Only after I graduate university she will bring it up and they will separate I think.
I’ve known that my mom and dad has no romantic feelings and hard strings for each other anymore since a long time ago. He always have the mindset that “guys are this and that” but for him to be such a hypocrite about his own views gutted me. I can’t look at him the same way anymore. Even if I’m closer to my mom and granny, why does he do this?
I don’t understand. Raise your kid till she grows up and then cleave off the relationship and find someone else. You brought me to this world, you have the responsibility. Why are you doing it in such a cowardly and dishonest way?
At the same time I hate that I still can feel why my dad did this, he had love for me as a daughter, but romantically there’s nothing there in the family. So maybe (highly likely) he wants to find it outside. He has been sneaky, snapping food to send to someone else, sending soft voice messages (the observations made by my mom and granny, I totally missed it.) I thought he was more positive because he was happier on the inside, so I was glad for him. Turns out the mood change might be coming from external person.
I might delete this post, I already decide that I’m gonna act normal based on the compromise me and my mom made, but I just want someone to hear me. I feel the heaviness physically. I’m really blank and numb right now. I cried enough yesterday. But my father will never be the same.
Thanks for listening.