I am posting this after a quarrel with the person who gave birth to me. I was meant to go shower, but suddenly felt incredibly unwell. I started coughing and feeling nauseous. Almost immediately, my mother started laughing at me and making fun of me. She was talking to me like how you would talk to a 2 year old toddler doing something silly. But then I felt even worse and started dry heaving. Almost immediately, she started screaming at me and yelling at me. And she said many nasty things especially about my weight and appearance. Anyways it ended with me locking myself in the bathroom while she threw a bunch of my stuff away. She does that quite frequently.
This is one of the many quarrels that we had. She wasn’t always like this. I remember when she used to be a loving and caring mother. I thought she was perfect. But her mental health kept getting worse and these quarrels started happening. It got to the point where she was even admitted to IMH for a while. But after she was discharged she said she was not a crazy person and threw her meds away. While she isn’t physically abusive towards me, it hurts all the same. As for throwing things away she does it ad a way to control me. As of now more than half of what I used to own has been thrown away. My dad on the other hand is aware of this, but he tells me she is still my mother and I have to try and love her. He still defends her openly.
I really cannot take it anymore. I feel like I am living with a stranger and a monster. It’s definitely taking a toll on my own mental health. I’m always on edge and jumping at small sounds or motions. I find it hard to focus at school. My screen time is through the roof, but I feel like it is the only thing keeping me sane right now. My hair is thinning and falling out even though I’m a young adult. There’s not much I can do except tough it out. Currently I’m too young to rent or own a home. Yea, that’s it. Thanks so much for reading this.