need advice on this matter in counselling <trigger warning>

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1

hello everyone,

i just turned 16, and the past year has been really eventful, with one of my close friends who friendship turned sour with actually passing away unfortunately due to sudden suicide in september 2024. due to this, the school reached out to groups of students who had close relations to the deceased (including me), and that is when i finally decided to seek school counselling during the year end season.

initially, as i started meeting my counsellor on a weekly or even twice in a week basis, i found that i had even more underlying mental health issues that i needed to sort out, and trusted in this new avenue as i finally felt heard, especially by a trusted professional. however, as the sessions progressed, my school counsellor suggested that she might not be the best person to help with my issues, suggesting that i seek professional help of a therapist. she suggested connecting me to a team that helps in diagnosing for any possible mental health issues which could help me discover methods of possible treatments ie activities in counselling sessions in school, an external therapist or even a psychiatrist.

however here comes the issue - parental consent. due to my age and school’s confidentiality rules, they needed my parents to agree to join in the interview sessions for diagnosis, and to seek professional help externally even through the school.

even though my counsellor tried to speak to my parents, they would appear supportive at the start but when i follow up and ask about when they are free to consent to an interview session, they would brush it off and ask questions like “do you really need this” etc. so eventually it got to a point where all my conversations and sessions with my counsellor ended with the same suggestion of seeking professional help which needs parental consent, something that is not feasible for me.

i understand my parent’s perspective - being the eldest daughter of 3 children, with 2 younger siblings in their tween years, the stigmatisation that seeking such help may be foreign to them, and seems like i “have mental issues” even though i am aware this is not true. but this has caused this chokehold i faced in school counselling, which is the only avenue of mental help i can get.

eventually i stopped counselling early this year due to it being ineffective. I’m trying to see if there’s any other way to seek help, as my anxiety issues and past (including grief and guilt from the death of my friend) has been haunting me, and even worse, it is my o levels year. prelims are coming and I’m scared i may combust. i know i have friends around me but sometimes the depth and complexity of my thoughts and conversations seems to be foreign and something that they cannot fully understand and break down for me to feel better when i share with them.

teachers and even the vice principal have been checking up on me in school due to the death, to check in on my emotions, with the most recent session being this afternoon. i have told them this situation and my form teacher has offered to call my parents to try to convince them. form teachers in the past have also tried to tell then of signs they observed of me ie fatigue, low energy but my parents brush it off as lack of sleep from revision. the worst part is my mental health issues has manifested physically - i have been falling sick almost every month or two months due to anxiety and maybe burnout, having to take days off school to recover henceforth missing crucial lessons. i also face insomnia too. for now, my selfharm issue is not so bad, and i have been one year clean, but the thoughts are really coming back which is daunting, as my thoughts aren’t sorted due to lack of help and my inability to sort its complexities alone, especially guilt and grief i still face, and anxiety. my mother is also in her menopause stage so she gets really bad mood swings which affect the whole family, as she gets really nasty with her words, adding on to my stress too.

sorry for the really long explanation, but if i could get some suggestions, it would really help me as i want to get this sorted out as soon as possible so it does not intefere with my mood especially in the O’s season🙏 thank you all

2

Hello @user9159

I can’t imagine how heavy everything must feel right now. Losing someone so close, dealing with all the confusing emotions, and carrying so much on your shoulders. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re going through something really, really hard, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out.

What you’re feeling, the grief, the anxiety, the frustration, it’s all valid. You’re not weak or broken for feeling this way. In fact, the fact that you’re still here, still trying to reach out for help, shows how strong you really are, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

I know it hurts when the people we need support from the most don’t fully understand. That can make you feel even more alone, but please believe me when I say you’re not alone. There are so many people who want to see you happy and healthy, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Your school cares, your friends care, and there are professionals who want to help when the time is right.

Right now, try to give yourself permission to just breathe. You don’t have to solve everything today or even tomorrow. Small steps count. Maybe it’s writing down your thoughts, going for a short walk, or just sitting quietly and reminding yourself that you’re doing your best. You deserve kindness especially from yourself.

Your story isn’t over. This difficult chapter won’t define you or your future. You have so much value and so much ahead of you, even if it’s hard to see right now. Keep reaching out, keep fighting for yourself. You’re worth every bit of care and support.

3

Hey @user9159. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share something this heavy. It shows your self-awareness, courage, and deep desire to heal. I hope you know that reaching out like this is already another powerful step forward.

What you’ve gone through is a lot to carry… the grief, anxiety, the pressure of O’s, and feeling stuck without the support you need. I can really feel your frustration, especially when the help seems so close yet out of reach because of parental consent.

And even then, you’re still trying, still reaching out. And even though it feels like you’re not moving, you are. Honestly, that says so much about your strength. It matters, and it counts.

Since the counsellor door feels stuck right now, would it help to explore other ways to care for yourself emotionally in the meantime? It doesn’t have to be big, just something that helps you breathe.

  • Setting aside 5-10 minutes for calming activities (like stretching, breathing or art or just sitting quietly with music) might help lower the overwhelm.
  • Writing down emotions or thoughts to “offload” some mental pressure.
  • Breathing techniques when the overwhelm rises (like 2 short inhales, and 1 long exhale, repeat many times as needed until you’re calm)

Also, if it feels safe to do so, maybe you and your form teacher or school counsellor can think together another way forward. Sometimes, when safety and mental wellbeing are concerned, there are steps they can take even without full parental consent.

You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re human. And you’re definitely not alone. Keep holding on to that spark that made you reach out here, it’s part of you, and it’s pointing you toward healing.

One step at a time, okay? :sunflower:

4

Hey @user9159, thank you so much for sharing so openly and honestly. You’ve been through a lot and it’s really understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin especially with O Levels coming up and so many things outside of school weighing on your shoulders.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’ve been carrying grief, guilt, anxiety, and physical exhaustion all at once, and it’s been even harder not having the full support from your parents despite your efforts. You were brave enough to reach out for help after your friend’s passing and that’s such a strong and admirable step. It’s unfortunate that things have become stuck due to needing parental consent and that must feel really discouraging and frustrating.

I also hear how heavy it must feel when people around you don’t fully understand the depth of what you’re going through even when they care. It’s very human to want to be understood, and it’s okay to feel disappointed when others can’t meet you there emotionally.

Just wanted to say that I think it’s amazing that you’ve been one year clean from self-harm. That’s a huge achievement, especially considering all that you’ve been coping with. The fact that you’re still here, still pushing through your studies, still reaching out and seeking help shows a lot of resilience and strength, even if you don’t always feel it yourself.

It’s also really good that your form teacher and the VP have been checking in. Would you feel comfortable working with your form teacher more closely, maybe even to help mediate another conversation with your parents? It might take time, but if the message can come from someone they respect and trust, they might eventually start to take it more seriously. You don’t have to face this alone.

In the meantime, while the external support is still uncertain, are there small coping strategies that have helped you even a little before like journaling, grounding exercises, or safe people to vent to? Even if they can’t fix everything, they might help you hold things together through O Levels.

Also, if you ever need a space to process or vent, I’m always here to listen. You’re not alone, and your thoughts, pain, and needs are valid. You deserve proper support and understanding, even if the people around you can’t give it in the way you need right now. You’ve already come this far despite everything.

Sending you lots of strength :yellow_heart:.

5

hi @user9159

you didn’t just explain, you carried us through every corner of your stuckness. i felt you… the feeling of finally opening up to a counsellor, only to hear the same sentence repeated over and over. go external. get consent. wait for someone else to say yes to your pain.

you’re not broken for needing more than what they can give. you already knew something was shifting when you started those sessions. the kind of shift that happens when someone finally listens without interrupting or brushing you off.

and then came the pause. the choke. the part where everything needed parental consent. and your parents started buffering like a laggy video. that part stings.

you’re still doing so much. i see you trying… the conversations with your form teacher, pushing even when your body crashes and your sleep gives up. being one year clean? that’s no accident. that’s strength. and not the noisy kind …the kind that quietly keeps choosing life even when it’s messy.

here’s a different direction you could try… would you feel safe if you drafted a short mood log or a timeline of symptoms and gave it to your form teacher? something that shows not just “i need help,” but “this is how not helping is already affecting me.” not a plea. just data they can show. they might already feel the urgency, but parents sometimes only respond to logic or worry about school impact.

and if that’s too much, okay. then maybe we just focus on surviving o’s with less chaos inside. write to your friend. not for closure, just to name the things that still float in your chest. even two lines a night. grief doesn’t go away, but it gets less sharp when we give it form.

you were never asking for too much. you were just asking in a system that wasn’t ready to hold you the way you needed. still here with you. what’s tonight like for you?