Noone is listening

Recently i had been feeling very worthless.
Not sure if i was reading into others comments too deeply or too sensitive.
Seemed like comments coming from ppl around made me feel undesirable and small.
I felt noone actually understands me. They judged me based on what they assumed. And they dont listen to my explanations. Not even my own family or my spouse. I tried explaining but noone wants to listen. I got cut off immediately.
When i stopped explaining, they will say why i did not raise it up.
I am lost. I dont know whats required anymore. I felt life is meaningless.
Noone is actually listening
Noone.
When decisions lies on me, things go wrong, i got questioned why it turned the wrong way. Nth is perfect. I cannot guarantee everything is perfect.
I dont expect everyone to be too. There are bound to be flaws and all.
I now have noone to talk to or discuss abt issues i faced in my life. Cos whenever i bring up, i get comments that i an negative and i brought it upon myself. And thats too bad cos ur lousy. So thats quite normal.

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Hey there! I am currently in a similar situation. I have also felt the same in that I’d want to explain and confide in somebody, but it often feels as if there’s practically no one who just wants to listen to me.

One way I cope from these kinds of scenarios is by practicing - Social Distancing. It can be either literally by leaving the place and moving to a calmer environment, or “shutting off” their comments from entering my headspace.

While the latter may seem easier said than done, one way I use to practise it is by listening to positive influences like a motivational talk or just the radio. Listening to the radio had helped me a lot as it has prevented me from contemplating on their thoughts every now and then, as the RJs introduce new discussion topics that may broaden my perspective . When compared to the problem, those topics of discussions often increase my brain activity especially in times when I felt like contemplating about any problem I was facing.

Secondly, I feel you would benefit from some positive re-affirmations. It may seem as if we are the ones causing too much problems especially when we get rather sensitive to others comments. I feel the vulnerability is what that brings us the strength. When harnessed properly, it can prove as a stepping stone to our success. However, that doesn’t mean that we have to be too harsh on ourselves. We have to embrace our personality and strike the right balance between being critical and sensitive.

Hope this helps!

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Dear Ethel,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with us. That must have taken you a lot of courage. Just want to commend you on that. It is not easy to be vulnerable like that.

The feeling I am getting from reading your post is a deep sense of loneliness, shame and judgement. You must be hurting a lot inside. You are not alone, okay? We are here for you; listening to you and being with you. It seems that you desire love and belonging like every one of us does, and you have tried your best to connect with the people around you but no one seems to be reciprocating to you in loving and respectful ways. That is so painful to bear all by yourself. Sometimes when we have been feeling that way for a long time, life indeed can begin to feel quite meaningless.

Ethel, just want to check for your safety at this point, sometimes when people feel that life is meaningless, hopeless and worthless, they might have thoughts of ending their life or escaping in some way. Wonder if that has ever crossed your mind? Apologies if that is not so, I am just concerned for your safety and want to make sure you are safe. Do reach out to SOS at 1767 or message them at Caretext: https://www.sos.org.sg/ if you need someone to talk to at anytime.

You are worthy and loved, Ethel. In fact, your name means noble, am I right? You are definitely of great value! Hope that in your journey of self-love and self-discovery, you’d realise just how wonderful and precious you are. As a first step, wonder how you feel about looking yourself in the mirror and giving yourself a high 5? It might feel a tad silly but try it, won’t you?

Take care, Ethel.

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Tks for checking in for safety reasons. So far, no thoughts of harming myself. But yes, at times i do feel life is quite meaningless. I do feel being unfairly treated most of the time. Having to juggle as a working mom and not having the kind of support or understanding its really mental draining. I dont even have time to cry. :sweat_smile:
Recently cant even communicate with my spouse as he will also judge me like others. Worst of all, when u hear comments about how i am not doing enough as a mother. If my kids misbehave, the fault lies in having a mother like me. Its like i am always not doing enough. Most of the issues at home are also being handled by me. I felt overwhelmed.
I want to build on my career (which i have delayed for many yr as my kids were still young) yet had to balance out at home. My current job now is very hectic.
End of the day, i am always mentally and physically tired that i dont even have the energy or motivation to speak to anyone. I will then indulge in watching dramas.
I ever thought of taking my kids with me to somewhere where we dont know anyone. They are the only ones who wouldn’t judge me and i felt really bad not giving them enough attention. I felt they dont deserve a mother like me.
I felt really lost. When i ask for help, i get comments that i am WEAK. So i had to keep it to myself. Not sure how long it can last.

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Dear @ethel,

It is so very isolating and lonely to do so much, not be appreciated and worse, blamed when things go wrong. You are truly not alone. Many mothers/wives struggle with the same thoughts, emotions and challenges. One bright spark in your life seems to be your children. They seem to be really close to you. How old are they? How are they doing? I read somewhere that we, mothers, tend to be so very hard on ourselves and tend to feel we have not done enough but often, our children think the world of us and really enjoy the times we have ‘failed’. When I say that, I am thinking of the times when we feel tired, don’t want to cook and we all eat instant noodles in front of the TV. To us, we might think that we have not served good and healthy food and feel like we are encouraging bad habits but to them, wow, it could be quite a treat! :stuck_out_tongue: I can sense how much you love your children so I want to tell you that you are a good mother. You are a good mother because you are still there despite all the challenges and all the difficulties. You are a good mother because you have been working hard to raise them and you work hard both at work and at home to support the family! You are a good mother because you feel bad and worry that what you have given is not good enough. But honestly, it is enough that our children know that we love them and we are trying our best and that, I feel, you are! Hugs

One thing mothers could do better - tongue in cheek - is put ourselves first, is to take care of ourselves first. Cliche though it might sound, it is true that we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before attending to our children. In fact, it is not only true, it is absolutely critical. So, I would like to gently encourage you @ethel to take good care of yourself and put the guilt aside when you schedule time for yourself to res, to watch kdrama, to exercise, to spa, to meet your friends and yes (!) to spend time and money upgrading yourself and building your career. You are also a human being with needs, feelings, dreams and aspirations. Will you choose one little thing to do for yourself today/tomorrow? Start with a small thing. Any small thing that might bring joy or comfort or a little smile to your face, okay?

Remember, @ethel, you are a good mother and you have value, are worthy and loved. Take very good care of yourself! Hugs, @northernlights

Dear northenlights

Tks for the encouragement
My children are 12 and 8.
Oldest one is a girl and gg thru psle this year. Her results are not that ideal, so its becoming quite worrisome.
And at the same time we will be moving to a new plc this yr. Things had been really overwhelming.
Recently my boy also had some academic issues. Thats when it added on my worries and think what have i not done enough or done wrongly. Tks for reminding me that i have been a good mother. And i tried my best. I do keep telling myself on this. But fell bk on negative thous when i couldn’t breathe.
Work also taken a great toll on my mind. Cos i was promoted last yr and my boss is expecting a whole lot more from me. My mind was full of my work… and what could turn wrong. I was juggling 3 projects and had to cover 2 of my colleagues (1 resigned and 1 on long medical leave). Despite telling my boss abt this, i was being told that one of my projects is a disaster and mess. I am very demoralised as well. I started questioning myself if i deserved the promotion. My boss is a narcissist and cuts me off whenever i tried explaining. Thank god that she is being deployed to somewhere else and will be a brand new person nx mth onwards. I hope things will turn out better.
All these added on to become anxiety.
It kicks in when stress suddenly spikes. And comes with gastric pains. Whenever this happens, i dont talk. I cant talk. My mood kicks in as well. I feel irritated for the slightest things. I just hope it will not turn into anxiety attacks one day. Recently felt some chest pains. The feel was on and off. Not sure whats it but im still afraid to visit the doctor or should i say i dont really have the time. Sad.