not good enough

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went for an event yesterday and met lots of people who are my age or younger, and everyone seemed to have their whole life together. so many of them are happy to pursue their degree, or even having their own businesses. i don’t know why i can’t be like them. i just feel so overwhelmed with schoolwork and projects, and the burnout is making me realise i have no aspiration or enjoyment in what i’m doing. in a sense i feel like this is probably why i’m struggling with everything as its not meant for me. i just wish i had a chance to restart and find out what i want to do before being thrown into the next level of school. i hate how society looks down upon people who take a gap year or reconsider their education because there’s no reason for disrespecting someone who decides to try out other things/go against societal norms. and now, i just feel pressured to stay doing something i don’t like and am not good at just to avoid scorn.

today, i had a group meeting with my groupmates over our project and they were discussing about the report. i felt so lost listening to them. everything just feels so distressing and i just feel like no matter how hard i try, i don’t seem to be able to catch up to them. i’m just so tired of this constant feeling of imposter syndrome, it just feels like i don’t belong here or deserve to.

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Hey @duckindistress.

To be honest, it sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now, and it makes sense for you to feel this way, given how everything is piling up at once.

One thing worth sitting with is that with the people you met at that event, you’re probably seeing a snapshot of them at their best. Social settings tend to surface people’s highlights. So the person who seems confident about their degree/excited about their business might be quietly struggling with something that they just didn’t bring up. I know it’s hard not to compare, but you’re measuring your internal experience against their external presentation, which is rarely a fair comparison.

On the gap year thing, it’s great that you are pushing back on that stigma. I want you to know that the idea that there’s one correct path and one correct timeline is increasingly being questioned, and many people who’ve taken time off or changed directions have gone on to do meaningful things. In fact, a gap year probably helped them to further confirm what they want to move in life moving forward. The decision about what to do with your education should ultimately be made based on what’s right for you. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s worth reminding yourself that you’re the one who has to live with the choice.

The burnout you’re describing is also worth taking seriously on its own terms. Burnout has a way of flattening everything and it can make things that you might otherwise find interesting feel completely hollow. The feeling of “this isn’t meant for me” might be true, or it might be the burnout talking. It’s hard to know which when you’re in the thick of it.

About feeling lost in the group meeting, can you say a bit more about what specifically felt hard to follow? Was it the content itself, or more the pace, or feeling like everyone else already knew what they were doing? That might help figure out whether this is a knowledge gap that’s addressable, or something else going on.

I also want to address what you said about you feeling like you don’t belong here or deserve to be here. I want to make sure I understand what you mean. Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself or not wanting to be alive?

If things ever feel too heavy to carry on your own, it’s okay to reach out for support. You can call the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) anytime at 1767, or text them at 9151 1767. There’s also Mindline, which you can WhatsApp or call at 6669 1771. These are safe spaces where you can talk to someone without any judgement.