Parents fat shaming us experiences

There will be time when my parents are like “oh look at your belly, so many fats” my aunt also will say “oh,look at you, so fat, you should eat less”
That was when I start getting upset about myself, starvation and more. I couldn’t stop wondering if I was actually unhealthy. It also led to me wearing very covering clothes, like long pants, long sleeves clothes when going out. I also start to hate my face. I will wear mask everytime I go out, even if it was just to get something for a short while, I just start hating the judgement of all of other peoples and their sights. It start to get worse to me when sometime I just want to get a knife and slice out the fats of my skin. It’s just really, I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking but yeah.

3 Likes

Funny thing is that the parents will say “wah you so fat”, but then “why you eat so little”, “don’t waste food”, “why so rude, eat more lah, shy for what”.

So… it’s quite contradictory.

3 Likes

I know how it feels. Being teased about your size and weight is sooooo painful such that it causes extreme unease. I experienced that ever since young and have learnt to ‘to live with unease’ when someone comments about my size and weight. I was part of Dance CCA and took up swimming lessons till an age of 10. After a major health problem , I had to discontinue both activities for the time being which caused me to gain weight like nuts. Even when I reunite with my extended family, they just mock me about my size so much so that I have become emotionally numb. the best part is that they all know about my limitations but apparently get " temporary amnesia attacks" and start advising about the importance of maintaining a healthy weight, exercising ,etcetera.

My sincere advice is do not let those comments affect your day to day activities. Indulge in activities that would help you lead a healthy lifestyle. Do sth you like. If the thoughts keep clogging your mind listen to the radio and divert those thoughts.I recommend u to listen to the radio cos the presenters usually talk about healthy and fun stuff. Listening to the radio is rather harmless and you can feel as if surrounded by people with positive vibes. It has helped me ward off those negative comments that kept clogging my mind.

2 Likes

Thanks for the advice🥰🪼

2 Likes

Asian parents are harsh on kids sometimes, I have so many friends experiencing something like this, myself includeddd. But I came to realise while it feels bad hearing all these, sometimes it’s really just my mom genuinely wanting the best for me, she just says things directly and harshly and sometimes I’m not in the mood to hear it. Ultimately I realise it’s me who also thinks the same thing she does, that I can be better and healthier, which is why what she said feels so harsh cos I knew she was right to some extent. That I can be fitter and healthier. Still hard to deal with sometimes nonetheless :frowning:
So now whenever I can, I remind myself to stay healthy and active, and as long as I know I’m trying, it is good enough for me!!
Hope it gets better for you!!!
Can consider finding a good time to calmly and sincerely share with your parents how you feel abt their comments on you, I’m sure their intentions aren’t to hurt you. :people_hugging:

3 Likes

Hi again @stars ,

I hear your concerns regarding how people, especially family members, perceive you and your body shape. The way it makes you feel about yourself and how it affects your self-esteem does not seem to be warranted, and how you feel about this experience is valid given the circumstances. I see how others making judgments about you and not trying to see how it affects you is really getting you down. :people_hugging:

I wonder if you had the chance to speak to them about this before? Perhaps in an open conversation where everyone’s not in a rush and in a calm manner. You can get yourself heard by sharing your thoughts using I statements: “I think/feel … because… and I would prefer that (what you would like said/done instead)”. This way, you can get your concerns across and in a manner that others can listen and understand clearly.

Of course, this is probably not a one-off discussion but likely to be continuous so tap on your coping abilities (e.g., distracting yourself, doing something enjoyable, carry out self-care activities, etc.) to try to tolerate the frustration. And most importantly, to do things that you value and enjoy – what would that be for you? Values can serve as a way to navigate through life as you use it as a guide to help live a life that is true to who you ARE and want to BE. I hope this helps you out a little, do share with us what you think, yeah! :slightly_smiling_face: Take care!

2 Likes

Hi smile_ihope, I’m sorry to hear about this painful experience of yours… I’ve had a similar experience where I struggled with eating when I was in secondary school because of body image issues. I sense that you feel afraid of getting judged, which is why you are now trying to ‘hide’ yourself when you go out. Just wondering how to managed to cope with your emotions usually when you go through stressful moments like these?

2 Likes

thats the whole entire thing, like I don’t get it what I should do

I try to distract myself with something else or I pretend not to care

What do you usually distract yourself with? Does doing something you enjoy help? (E.g. listening to music, watching mukbang on YouTube).