When I was younger I always thought i was the pinnacle of mental health because I didn’t think I had problems that would be considered a mental illness. It was only recently then i realised i was just a very repressed person lol, and I didn’t want to self diagnose myself in fear of sounding like a fraud(?) or an attention seeker.
Because i do think that i don’t really have problems that are, in my opinion, deserving to make me feel the way i am and i’m sort of scared i sound ungrateful for the things i have. My parents always say i am privileged to have the opportunities i experience and for that i agree, but yet i can’t help but feel otherwise
It started in 2022 when I was doing my olevels and i “suddenly” had bouts of intense nausea and lack of appetite whenever i come to school. In my head i thought i was sick, but then i was told i might have anxiety. Again, i didnt want to confirm because i wasn’t properly diagnosed and my mother just told me.
I thought it would go away but it didn’t and it extended till olevels where i just felt worser and worser every day. That year, i had the most amount if mcs taken compared to my other years, and i lost a lot of weight because i didn’t feel like eating. All of this, i thought would go away, but i still have it until now but less frequently.
And since I now don’t have it as frequently, I just dismissed it as how i coped during olevels. I don’t know why i don’t like self-diagnosing myself because honestly, i really don’t know how to perceive myself. Although my mum tried to understand me back then when i was going through a lot, i really do think she felt like it was a burden because every time i told her i felt sick and i cannot control it she’ll tell me that i can’t rely on her too much anymore since i was (the age at the time).
So, is it really just prolonged sadness or depression? When do i stop blaming it on my periods and start realising maybe i there is something wrong with me but i want to trick myself into thinking that i’m mentally well? Every time i think of this, i always think of others who got diagnosed and their experiences. I feel like mine is very lacklustre (even though what i’ve said on here is somewhat the tip of the iceberg)
I’ve been trying to look for a psychologist first, but i’m scared they’ll tell me the same thing. I can accept it, i think, but i really want to know what’s wrong with me, if there is. I dont want to tell my parents about it because they’ll definitely say something. Is there any psychologists i can go to?
or psychologist’s job to help you figure it out together, patiently and compassionately.