I feel so, so, so tired of having to put on a mask every time I step out of my house. There are so many things troubling me, so many thoughts constantly running through my mind. But whenever I’m out, whether it’s going to work or meeting friends, I feel like I have to put on a mask & pretend that I’m okay, that I’m normal, that I’m fine.
But deep down, I’m struggling. I feel troubled, stressed, overwhelmed & helpless. There are so many things I wish I could openly share, but I don’t want to feel like a burden to others. I also don’t know if the people around me are dealing with their own struggles, so I tend to keep things to myself.
That’s why I’ve started hanging out less, or only meeting up for a few hours. It’s not that I don’t want to see people. Sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to keep the mask on for too long. Any way to stop having this mask thoughts? I just wish to be back to my normal self again.
Hi @affectionatecoral6886,
What you shared sounds genuinely exhausting…not only those constant thoughts that’s running through your mind but also the extra layer of effort it takes to pretend that things are alright every day. It’s a difficult place to be in between this gap of how you feel inside and what you show others around you 
The fact that you are withdrawing a bit to protect your energy is actually an understandable coping response even if it doesn’t feel great.
One thing I would like to gently point out is the thought that sharing feels like a burden to others. Most people who care about you would rather know you are going through than have you quietly disappear. The friends who notice you pulling away might already be wondering if something has been bothering you.
Perhaps as a first step, you don’t have to go from masking your thoughts to sharing everything immediately. Sometimes just finding one person whom you can be a little more honest can take a surprising amount of pressure off. For example, just saying “I’ve been having a rough time lately” to someone you trust can feel like putting down a heavy bag, even briefly.
Perhaps one other thing that I would like to better understand, when you mentioned wanting to be back your normal self again, how would that look like for you?
@responsiblecantaloupe It is always the first step that is the most difficult one…
Back to the days when i have no trouble, no stress and living carefree… hmmmm