Dear Patrick197,
Thank you for being here. And the courage in sharing your struggles. There are many things that you’ve brought up, and I ask for your patience as I touch on these important conversations.
Firstly, I hear you. And you have a lot on your plate, dealing with the stress of performing on a job, finding a new job to continue to stay in Singapore, feeling depressive, lack of motivation, confidence issues relating to image, challenges with addiction, worries about your relationship and the fears of disappointing her parents, and thoughts of “I’m not good enough”, “I am undeserving”… That’s a lot. Most of us wouldn’t be able to deal with all these on our own, and I would like to invite you to reach out to a professional to support you. Even if it’s just for a short period of time, just let yourself temporarily shed all these burdens you have been carrying. Here are some resources:
CHAT
- The Community Health Assessment Team (CHAT) provides confidential mental health checks for young persons between 16 and 30 years old, who are currently living in Singapore. They operate CHAT hub, a mental health centre located at *SCAPE and maintains an online presence through their website and webchat.
- 6493 6500
- 6493 6501
- https://www.chat.mentalhealth.sg/
TOUCH Community Services – TOUCHline
- Emotional support and practical advice are rendered through this youth helpline
- 1800 377 2252
When the going gets tough, sometimes suicidal ideation comes up. Remember all things pass, both the good and the bad. So reach out to someone when you need a life buoy, when the suicidal thoughts come up for you again. Here are some resources:
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
- SOS operates a 24-hour hotline to provide emotional support for those in facing crisis or suicide risk
- 1800 221 4444
IMH
- IMH’s mental health hotline for those facing mental health crisis.
- 6389 2222
Secondly, when we are dealing with so many challenges, it can be overwhelming on where to begin. Sometimes the best way to approach something is to take space from it. As you worry about work, relationships, the guilt and shame behind the addiction, the financial instability, low confidence and image.
These worries and thoughts of the “I’m not good enough” is a story that you have probably been repeating for a long time. The more we repeat something, the more it becomes our reality. Is it really true that you are all the things you said? I don’t believe that at all. Is it really true that you are lazy? Has there been times when you weren’t? Is it really true that you’re unmotivated? Has there been times in your life that you weren’t? So be mindful of the thoughts that you speak, because Patrick197, you create your reality with them.
The things that you are seeking, be it job or money or anything else that you desire. Why do you seek them? Why are they important to you? One of the most common challenges I have seen is that when we do things that we don’t love or care about, procrastination and lack of motivation is often a common consequence. Do you enjoy the work that you do? If not, what do you enjoy? Look back to the moments, when did you feel alive and passionate? When did you give those up? Perhaps taking the time to align internally, is what will get you to your desired outcome. Because remember, you create your reality.
The last thing I would like to touch on here, is the worries around your relationship. And you are worried and concerned about her parent’s views, because she is important to you. That’s what is most important, and never forget that. Sometimes when we are having a tough time, our loved one is a critical person at this time, because this is when we lean in on them. No one can be strong all the time, we take turns to be the support and to be supported in the relationship. Allow your partner to be that person for you.
I don’t know the dynamics between you and your partner, so I cannot make specific recommendations. But what I like to recommend if you are open to this, is take this opportunity to connect and be vulnerable with her. If she is the person that you see yourself being with in this lifetime, then ideally that person is someone we can be with, in both good times and bad times. Ask for permission, to talk about your feelings and talk about your challenges. Then end the conversations, in a positive way, maybe reconnecting with each other through love and hugs and affirmations. Connection is one of the most powerful things to do in times of great difficulties.
Here’s a resource that I like to share with you, and I really would love to invite you to watch it: Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend | TED Talk
With this, I’ve come to the end of the conversation. Dear Patrick197, I may not have been able to answer all the questions that you seek. But that’s not important, because the answers that you seek are already within you. It’s whether you are able to turn to the right place and look for them, the answers are within, and not with out. I hope with these responses, it creates a space where you can pause, to reconnect with yourself before going out into the world again.
You are a warrior - Otherwise you wouldn’t have arrived till here today.
You are courageous - Otherwise you wouldn’t have shared all these intimate struggles here.
You are loving - Otherwise you wouldn’t have thoughts and concerns about your partner, her parents, your parents.
Now, just be a courageous and loving warrior to yourself. Because probably, no one has championing for Patrick197 for a long time.
I believe in you,
Seektruth