Hi all,
I am experiencing severe anxiety over my child’s non-chalent attitude towards PSLE preparation. Child set goals but recent examination results showed that there are still gaps to bridge. And yet, child is not making use of the June holiday for revision, wasting time with distractions like phone and TV. Also not staying focused when doing work. Child’s actions are increasing my internal anxiety and yet I cannot do anything as constant reminders had backfired, child got defiant and aggressive. now taking a backseat and withholding my nags, but it is making me very worried and anxious. Especially when school holidays is ending and he has no time to revise to close the gap and hit his personal goals.
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Hi @Karen1
Thanks for sharing your concerns with us through this platform. It sounds like you are feeling rather stressed about your child’s academic journey and you feel frustrated because you are stuck in this situation.
Having worries about children is completely normal and it is because you want the best for your child. Seeing the lack of motivation and effort on his part must be difficult to deal with as he does not seem to acknowledge your care and concern for him. I want to remind you that you are a good parent and you are doing your best to ensure that he has a less stressful future.
I wonder if you have talked to him about how he feels regarding his studies and explore what are some goals he has in mind. Sometimes, children may be facing challenges that they do not dare to express or discuss with parents. You may consider having an open and honest conversation to understand his perspectives and how he feels about his studies.
If possible, discuss a reasonable routine to balance his free time and revision. This can be a good way to guide your child on time management and perhaps manage his studies better. Do ensure that there is time allocated for rest and recreation as well to avoid burn-out.
Also, you may want to consider thinking about your expectations too. Sometimes, children may feel stressed with parents’ expectations of them and this could lead to procrastination or a ‘freeze’ response. This could cause them to avoid studying and it works against you and your child. When you are able to communicate this with him and trust him with the process, it might be helpful in his academic journey. While PSLE is definitely a stressful period for both parents and children, do know that it is not something that defines their entire life.
Providing encouragement and support can be beneficial as well. While the results may not be as expected, it is helpful to the child when you affirm and acknowledge his effort.
I hope this is helpful and that things get better for you and your child. Do take care of yourself too while you navigate this difficult and stressful period.
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Thank you for the reply and advice.
We had multiple conversations on goal-setting and even came out with a revision schedule. The irony is while he seems to understand that he needs to work a bit harder to achieve the academic goals for himself, he is not taking the appropriate actions. I ever told him to lower his target so that his stress level can be reduced but he objects to it strongly.
I have been self-talking to myself that he could be overwhelmed with the workload and is stressed but that did not help me from being less anxious,
I have also adopted a less nagging approach to remind him to do his revision, hoping that it will help to alleviate some stress and he will get his act together but it does not seem to be working too.
I am at a total loss how I can help him to hit his academic goals.
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Hey @Karen1
It sounds like you’re going through a very challenging time, and it’s clear how much you care about your child’s well-being and success. As someone who struggled with studying for national exams, I found breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps to be helpful. It might also be worth focusing on possible underlying issues contributing to the lack of motivation. Personally, the fear of failure overwhelmed me, and I ended up giving up on studying —— I’m sure it was tough for my parents to see. But after a while, I decided to focus on subjects that I liked and deemed important to my future at that time. Despite not doing “well” for my PSLE, my educational pathway turned out fine.
I would like to say that, as important as the PSLE is, it’s not the end of the world. It’s simply a milestone, and there are many more to come. Letting your son know he’s supported by you is far more important than the grades.
You’re doing a great job by being proactive and seeking ways to support your child. Wishing you and your child all the best as you navigate through this together.
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Hi @mswonderland ,
Thanks for sharing your experience and your insight.
He appeared to be giving up on himself even though I had come up with small tasks for him in the revision plan. After what u shared, I think the possible underlying reason is the fear of not meeting his own expectation.
He does not open up his innermost feelings but I guess this is the most possible given his ego and pride.
You were a sensible child back then as u did pick yourself up and focus on subjects for the exam preparation.
Would you be able to share how u manage to realize this, is there anything your parents when they saw that u gave up on your studies back then?
It does frustrates me a lot he just resists any advice or study tips that I suggest.
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@Karen1 Hmm…I think the fear of not meeting his own expectations could definitely be a factor. Reflecting on my own experience, I was quite stubborn and wanted to prove my parents wrong. They valued education highly, while I didn’t as much at the time. However, I did understand the importance of the PSLE in determining my next steps.
What helped me was realising the significance of the exam on my own terms. My parents’ approach was to create a supportive environment and reduce pressure, which allowed me to focus more effectively.
Considering his resistance to advice, one resource that might offer helpful strategies is “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. It emphasises principles like proactive behaviour and understanding others, which could provide new perspectives on motivation and self-management.
It can be really frustrating when someone resists advice, but patience and understanding can make a big difference. Maybe focusing on emotional support and suggesting insightful reads like this could help him overcome his fears and resistance.
I hope this perspective helps, but I’m sorry if it didn’t fully address the issue.
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Thanks for your recommendation on the book.
Any advice how I can provide a more supportive environment and reduce pressure?
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@Karen1 Perhaps you could set realistic expectations with him. You mentioned that “he has no time to revise to close the gap and hit his personal goals,” and “I am at a total loss as to how I can help him hit his academic goals.” What are the specific goals he has for PSLE? Is he aiming to improve by a grade or to move from a failing grade to an A?
It might be helpful to have an open conversation with him about the kind of support he needs. This not only helps him feel in control and lets you into his world, but also allows you to understand his perspective. If his goals are ambitious, like moving from a failing grade to an A, external resources such as tuition or a PSLE boot camp could be considered.
Although it might seem like a cliché, constantly reminding him to study or telling him not to play can sometimes discourage him from studying when he is about to. It’s important to trust him to manage his time with gentle guidance. Additionally, acknowledging and celebrating any progress, no matter how small, could help boost his confidence and motivation.
Another important aspect is to address your own anxiety. Taking care of your mental well-being will enable you to provide better support for him. There are resources on the mindline.sg platform that you could explore.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have other questions.
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@mswonderland thks for your suggestions. He is not far from meeting his personal goals of As. In the recent exams, he lost marks mainly due to careless mistakes. There are some gaps within the P6 topics that he needs to bridge, and also I personally believe that ample and consistent preparation is needed, regardless of where he stands now in terms of grades. But he does not seem to be putting any effort now towards his revision, constantly on the screen. On occasions when I manage to go through his work with him, his focus is not there and he gets very irritable.
You are absolutely right about the part where I need to trust him to manage his time. However, emotionally, I am very affected when I see him not spending the time effectively.
I will explore the resources on this platform to manage my anxiety. Hopefully this will help improve the situation.
Thanks once again for your patience and replies. Appreciate much.
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