Should I do it?

Hi… My name is Ray (not real name) and I’m 25y/o male… I don’t know how much of a help this is but here goes…

I’m having doubts about my life ever since I was a kid and recently my parents divorced… Since I was a kid, I’ve been bullied by my brother both mentally and physically and called vile stuff on me… One time he wanted to see my private parts (I don’t know why he did that) and when I refused he punched me in the eye and right cheek and so I did it out of fear… I hated my brother back then and hated him now since he’s making my mom miserable…

And then my parents got divorced… Every time I talked about something… it’s always redirected towards their divorced life and always asked me if my mom did the right thing…

I’ve been on edge since then… Smoking just to numb the pain… Sometimes I just wanna flip the switch y’know… Just… Sleep… For like 5-6 years or forever… It feels like I’m the reason that they got divorced and often bullied… Not the right time to exist if you can call it that…

Sometimes I just wanna run away from home and live somewhere or be homeless somewhere… Away from all of that… But there’s a mental block that kept me from doing that…

If it’s the advice to follow my heart and go through it… Thanks but the wound is too deep to even fix or follow

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Hi @Ray99

Thanks for sharing your struggles with us and it is helpful that you are reaching out for support. It feels like you have been hurt and in pain for a long time without people knowing or acknowledging your pain. I cannot imagine how you have been coping with such strong emotions for so long.

There seems to be a few concerns you shared. First, it is the physical, verbal and sexual abuse from your brother. What he did was wrong and you were right to reject his request. I am sorry to hear that he intensified his approach and you had to relent. It must be difficult to process such memories of the situation. It takes so much courage for you to be sharing this now and I want to remind you that whatever happened was not your fault. You did not do anything to cause this and it is important to know that. I am not sure what happened after that, like whether you told anyone about it and if you ever receive any support at that time. If you still feel affected by this incident, it might be helpful to reach out to a professional for support on how to navigate around this and work through your feelings. You do not need to be alone in this journey.

Also, it seems like the divorce is rather stressful for you as the adults in the family are more focused on their own issues and potentially neglecting your feelings. It is valid to feel like running away from home, from all these problems. It feels too much to handle at this moment and there is lack of support from family. You might find that you are blaming yourself and thinking if you are the reason for the divorce, and it could be due to a subconscious need to gain some control over the situation. Through such chaos and not having a say in these family circumstances, our brain would grasp any opportunity to feel in control. Thus, the self blame comes in to bring in a forged sense of responsibility, in order to feel that you can change something. This becomes unhelpful because you could be focused on the things that are out of your control, making you feel more stuck and frustrated. I want to let you know that when divorce happens, it is not because of the children, but more because of the adults who cannot work things through on their own. It is unfair when children take on this responsibility because there is little you can do to make their relationship better.

Do take time to focus more on what you can do to support yourself during this period. Acknowledge your own feelings and prioritize your needs because you are important. I am concerned about you and how you are coping. If you are open to seeing a professional for support, here are some resources for you to consider:

  1. CHAT - For youths aged 16-30.
    Call: 64936500/ 64936501 Email: chat@mentalhealth.sg
    Operating hours: Tue – Sat, 12pm – 9pm, Closed on Mon, Sun and Public Holidays
    *This is not a counselling session. It is a chat to understand your mental health concerns and recommend suitable professional help.
  2. SOS: Please reach out to them if you feel that you are at risk of hurting yourself. Provides 24 hour CareText, a text-based service that provides emotional support for those in distress (WhatsApp 9151 1767). They also provide CareMail, an alternative avenue of emotional support for those who prefer to write in via email (pat@sos.org.sg) or call them at 1-767
  3. eC2 by Fei Yue Community Services: Provides Quick Chat, a one-to-one mental health screening via online chat for youths aged 12 - 25yo to talk about their mental health or emotional concerns. Operating hours: Mon, Thurs, Fri, 10am - 12pm, 2pm - 5pm (excluding PH).
  4. webCHAT​: Provides text-based, in-the-moment support for young people aged 16 - 30 years old residing in Singapore who would like to gain clarity of their situations.
  5. TOUCHline: 1800 377 2252 - For youth who wish to speak to trained counsellors on any topic. Mon - Fri: 9am - 6pm

I hope you get the support you need and things get better for you. Do take care.

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Thanks for sharing your story, @Ray99. I guess there must be a lot of considerations on your end now. Are you staying with your mum or dad now? Are you financially independent to move out?

It makes sense to me that you’d want to escape the environment that is causing you stress but yet at the same time, something is holding you back. What is it?

My parents are divorced as well. It’s important to realize that the child (you) is usually not the reason for that, so don’t blame yourself for the issues that the adults have.

Thank you… I didn’t expect that a professional see my post… A million thank you…

Thank you @Jaws currently I’m staying with my mom but every day goes by… The tension is there y’know… Both mom and dad went each others throats with words (just to be clear… My mom on place A and my dad on place B so the only communication they have with me and my little sister)

And then there goes my abusive brother who’s acting stupid and forgot everything he did and lied every chance he gets just cuz of money…

I just don’t know what to think anymore other than Raindrop’s advices to put it into my heart

Hi @Ray99

Thank you for your reply. Your feelings are important and all of us here value your sharing!

I really hope you can find your way around this situation. Do let us know how else we can be of support.