Just a preface, my best friend is diagnosed with depression and self harms.
Basically, we are in school and have been best friends for a year and a half. We got really close and we know each others secrets and weird parts. She had confessed to me before (I am female), I also had confessed to her before. But we never really got into a relationship, we just kept the friendship. We were at a point each others only friend, and she was indeed the only friend i have and ever had. However, recently, there was a day when she suddenly ignored me in the morning. I got really pissed at her so I ignored her too. That day we thankfully cleared it up, since she thought i was mad at her and I thought she was mad at me. HOWEVER, during that day I had vented to this girl we call C.
C used to be in a trio with me and my bff until she left us for another friendgroup, a friend group me and my bff used to be in until they started leaving us out, thus we left. C then told my bff that they were talking ■■■■ about her, saying that my bff was trying too hard to fit in and that she was being desperate. That was when my bff started disliking C, especially since C had ghosted us before. During then, I never rlly understood why the fg and C thought so, so i defended my bff and we left the friend group.
(Background info, C is hated by almost the entire level)
C, my bff and I are all in the same class this year, since the friend group was a last year thing. During the day I thought my bff was mad at me, I also started realizing I rlly disliked how my bff acted in class. She would constantly try to fit in and jump into conversations she isnt in. Whenever someone else has a problem, she always has to one up them and say “I have it worse”, and all she does is complain. I usually never notice this since in the past most of the time my bff only hung out with me, so I never really saw this side of her. I felt rlly disgusted at myself and I tried to live with it. When i vented to C about this and how my bff was ignoring me, C agreed with me and started mentioning my bff’s self harm. Now this is when It got difficult, since I was still protective over my bff. I told C to stop it, but C said “everyone knew”. Besides this convo was only between me and C and C “noticed it since last year” and “everyone knew”. This was when I got a bit uncomfortable at C, since C said my bff was doing self harm for attention.
However, the thing is, I legit have no friends other than my bff. Everyone else is acquaintances, and C had no close friends left, so obviously I could only go with her during break even if i didnt want to since she followed me along all the time. It was a stupid idea to vent to C, i agree. However, what i didnt ■■■■■■■ know was that C had a large ■■■ mouth, and started ■■■■ talking about my bff to her “friends”, who all hate her btw.
Now, this was the day the bff misunderstanding thing ended. I was okay with my bff, until during a class when C and my bff got in an argument. Now, fyi, C follows me around like a lost animal. She only leaves me alone when my bff wants to hang out with me. When class ended, my bff said she wont be eating lunch with me, and she will be going with another friend.
(Background: Now, what I will say is this friend she is eating with is someone I used to hate for a very stupid reason. When I had a school trip with my bff, my bff kept talking to this friend, and I got rlly jealous. )
(also fyi, C knows about my bff’s medication since my bff once told C she is gonna go therapy and takes meds. I was the stupid one to tell C during my vent that my bff had depression. yes i ■■■■■■■ regret it i suck as a friend.)
I got rlly jealous and annoyed, and C saw this. C then took this opportunity to bring me to class and talk about my bff, and tell me how my bff was “repeating her pattern” and “isnt being a good friend”. This is my fault, since I ended up almost crying and talking about how I just want my bff to be my friend again, since i stupidly thought my bff doesn’t like me as much anymore. We were in a classroom, so many people were walking in and out, and they ended up crowding around me and C. I, stupidly, ranted about how I was pissed at my bff (Everyone knew she was my bff) for constantly leaving me, but I also mentioned I couldn’t be pissed at her due to her “lack of sleep”. I didnt say it was because of her depression, mood swings, etc because i didnt want to overshare and i wanted to keep personal info to myself, but C blurted out to the entire group of people about my bff’s depression and self harm. this was when I tried to tell her to shut up, but C just told me “What? Everyone knows about it anyways”. Some people in the group said yeah, but supposedly not all of them knew. ONCE AGAIN, i stupidly believed C since some people in the group said they knew already, and i vented it all out.
a few days later, i thought i fixed it all with my bff, but suddenly my bff decided to cut off C as a friend once and for all since they had not yet. btw, on that day, the previous friend group that C left us for told my bff that C had talked ■■■■ about my bff’s self harm and depression and that she was doing it for attention. supposedly that friend group never rlly liked C, but that friend group was toxic asf anyways. C also told my bff a bunch of lies that a group of people talk ■■■■ about her, but actually they never did. C talked ■■■■ about my bff to that group of people, and that group of people clarified with my bff that they never talked ■■■■ about her. My bff confronted C, and they ended up cutting contact.
This was when though, C talked ■■■■ about me and told my bff all the things i said about her during my stupid vent, some which rlly hurt my bff. That was meant to be confidential and between me and C, but C supposedly thought “I had already cleared that up with my bff” and acted innocent. When i confronted C later about her lies and what she said, she started saying that I never gave her any chances and i gave my bff so many chances in the past. the thing is my bff and i only had misunderstandings, C on the other hand lies and pretends to play hero.
C would follow me around the next day and claim me as her bff, but i rlly didnt want to talk to her. my bff that day would ghost and ignore me. obv i have no other friends so i spent all my lunch breaks in the school storage room crying (ikr im so edgy). I then wrote a long paragraph to my bff explaining everything and why im also pissed that she always never talked to me, ignored me, and always never gave the same energy when talking to me than anyone else, and that im sorry.
My bff then explained that she was also sorry, since she was taking a new medication for her depression which gives her headaches and mood swings, and that she’ll work on it. HOWEVER, she mentioned that multiple people had said that i was talking about her behind her back about her self harm and depression. This was highly likely about what C had said about to the group at the classroom then, which i stupidly continued. And supposedly i mock her whenever she opens up, but i always try to keep things unserious since she complains about her mum always making a huge fuss out of her depression and self harm, so i rlly dont know how to help her. my bff then said she didnt know how to trust me, though she is very sorry for her behaviour.
The texts then got less serious and more like the usual, but I feel like it will never go back to the usual. She has online friends, other friends who never did her dirty. Im a ■■■■■■■ mess, ik. whenever i believe you hate me, even over the smallest thing, i start hating on you and clinging on to anyone else who can remotely give me a slightest bit of attention. it’s draining to deal with all of this, especially since Ik its going to happen again. We dont call like usual anymore, we dont text often anymore. I have a few more days before school starts again, and I really dont know how to do all these things. My bff and I had cleared things up about C, but I already cut off C. I don’t know what to do anymore. It really eats at me whenever I think about talking to her again, and how awkward it will be. I feel like she will be happier with that group of friends anyways.
Should i stop being her best friend? And should I cut contact? and yes this is immature school drama and yes my bff is suicidal and I have no idea how to help it.
