Should you still attend an event if the venue and date trigger mental torment you have previously overcome

How will you respond, to attend or not to attend if this is happening in your shoes? Your husband had an secret affair with someone at a particular hotel on a specific month and date last year while you were pregnant. It took alot of mental efforts for you to not think about it and to forgive. But to forget, it was an mission impossible. However, you have received an invitation for an organisation anniversary event recently, and saw that coincidentally, the event was to be hold at that particular hotel and specific month and date this year. Understanding that work and personal is different and should not be mixed, but the coincidence just triggers the memory cells and you can’t help to be reminded of what previous happens there and feel discomfort. In view of work, you feel concerned if you will be ‘Penalized’ or ‘Judged’ in a way by your ‘Micro-Mgt’ Team if you choose not to attend due to personal discomfort. Should you still attend the event then?

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Thanks for sharing @TeenyWeeny, it seems like this coincidence is potentially triggering to you. If I were you, I probably won’t attend if it brings back so much bad memories. Would you be comfortable sharing your reasons of not attending with anyone at work? You mentioned the fear of being penalized or judged by your micro-managing team. What could be the worst consequence of you not attending this event?


Hi @TeenyWeeny,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing something so personal with us.

Firstly, I want to acknowledge the complexity of the situation you’re facing and the emotions it must be bringing up for you. It’s completely understandable that receiving an invitation to an event at a venue and on a date that triggers painful memories can create a lot of uncertainty and discomfort.

In deciding whether to attend the event, it’s important to consider both your emotional well-being and your professional responsibilities. Here are a few factors to think about:

  1. Emotional well-being: Reflect on how attending the event might impact your emotional state. If being at the venue and on the same date could potentially reopen wounds and cause significant distress, it’s essential to prioritise your mental health. It’s okay to acknowledge that some triggers might be too overwhelming to manage, and it’s important to respect your own boundaries.

  2. Professional considerations: While work and personal life are distinct, there can be instances where they intersect. Considering the micromanagement tendencies within your work environment, I can imagine why you would be concerned about potential repercussions or perceptions should you decide not to attend the event. In situations like these, open communication is key. I would encourage you to try communicating your concerns with your supervisor or HR department if you’re worried about potential misunderstandings or repercussions. Openly expressing your discomfort and reasons for not attending can provide context and prevent unnecessary assumptions.

  3. Explore alternatives: If attending the event feels too challenging, consider exploring alternatives. Is there a possibility of participating in a different way, such as virtually, or perhaps contributing to the event’s planning in a behind-the-scenes capacity?

  4. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. Sometimes, discussing your emotions with someone who understands your situation can provide valuable insights and emotional support.

Ultimately, the decision is deeply personal and should be guided by what feels right for you. It’s important to prioritise your well-being and consider what would best support your emotional health while also navigating your professional responsibilities. Remember, your emotions and reactions are valid, and taking steps to protect your mental health is a sign of self-care and self-awareness.

If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to let us know. Our community is here for you.

Hope this helps and please take care!


Hi there @TeenyWeeny

From personal experience, I would say that you should choose based on what feels comfortable/ manageable for and to you. But yes I would definitely encourage you that while making your decision, you priortise your well-being as #1!

There’s really no shame if you’re not going to attend the event and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it because everyone heals at their own pace. Honestly, no one should have to feel compelled to attend an event at the stake of detrimentally affecting their health/ well-being.

Whatever decision you make, I just wanted to say that you’ve my support and the support of the communiy here on Let’s Talk. I wish you well and please do take care!


Hi @TeenyWeeny I cannot imagine the anguish you went through and are going through. Personally I will prioritise my emotional wellbeing over work because good health is priceless. I will probably take leave and go for a full day of self-care activities like massage, exercise to take control of my emotions on that day. I hope you and your husband will be able to reconcile and heal with time and with support from your loved ones.