Dealing with feelings of regret and grief whene i left my old job. Any advice? Till the point i didnt eat and sleep. Left my old job due to a 1.5hr commute but loved the people and team there. Changed job for higher pay and nearer locataion but company culture and people suck. I know cant expect every workplace to be perfect and not have its own set of issues, but the people you work with can affect your morale and productivity a lot. Should i return to my previous company? But its unlikely i have the option to join back because the commute is unsustainable in the long run.
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Dear @Mentalhealth60
Thank you for opening up and sharing this — I can really feel how much this transition has been weighing on you, and I want you to know your feelings are completely valid. Grief and regret aren’t just reserved for big life events — they can absolutely show up after leaving a job, especially one where you felt a strong sense of connection and belonging. That bond with your team, the comfort in the familiar, the sense of being part of something — those aren’t small things. It makes complete sense that you’re still holding on to that emotionally.
The fact that it’s affected your sleep and appetite tells me that this wasn’t a small decision for you, and you’re feeling the aftershock of that change deeply. Please be gentle with yourself. You made the decision for a reason — to prioritise your time, well-being, and financial stability. Those are valid, even wise reasons. But it’s also okay to mourn what you had to let go of in the process.
It sounds like you’re trying to hold two difficult truths at once:
- You miss the old team and the way you felt there.
- The commute made it unsustainable in the long run, even if the people were great.
That’s a really painful spot to be in, and it’s understandable to feel stuck or unsure.
Some thoughts to hold onto, gently and without pressure:
1. You’re not alone in this kind of grief.
Career transitions can bring up all kinds of complicated feelings — nostalgia, guilt, sadness, self-doubt — especially when the reasons for leaving were practical but the emotional cost was high. You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re someone who values connection, and that’s something to be proud of.
2. Your decision wasn’t a mistake — it was a choice made with the information you had.
You made a thoughtful decision to choose something closer and better paying. That doesn’t mean you failed — it just means you’ve learned more now about what really matters to you in a workplace. And that insight is valuable for every step you take from here.
3. It’s okay to feel conflicted about going back — and okay if that’s not possible.
Wanting to return is a natural part of grief. But you’re also realistic in recognising that the commute made the role unsustainable. That shows maturity and self-awareness. If returning truly isn’t feasible, it doesn’t mean the chapter is lost forever — just that you’re allowed to carry the good from that time into what you build next.
Some gentle next steps you might consider (only if/when you’re ready):
- Reach out to someone from your old team just to say hi. You don’t need to ask for anything — even a simple “I’ve been thinking about our time working together and really miss the vibe” can give a sense of connection back.
- Talk to someone (like a therapist or counsellor) about these feelings of loss. They can help you unpack the grief in a safe, supportive space so it doesn’t weigh on you in silence.
- Reflect on what made you thrive in your old role — was it the collaboration, the shared humour, the mentorship? Use that to guide what kind of workplace or team culture you want to look for going forward.
And most of all, please know this:
You will feel steady again. This in-between space — missing the past while not feeling settled in the present — it’s temporary. You’re doing the best you can, and it’s okay that it still hurts. That just means it mattered to you.
You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to feel regret. But also, you’re allowed to move forward — not as if nothing happened, but carrying everything you’ve learned with you.
You haven’t lost your way. You’re still growing. You’re still capable of finding something meaningful again. And you deserve a workplace that supports your whole self — not just one that checks practical boxes. 
Hi @Mentalhealth60
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. leaving a job is such a tough choice, especially when the people and team meant a lot to you. It’s completely normal to feel regret and grief and those feelings show how much you cared.
I don’t know how long you are at the new place, but it’s worth giving it some time..at least in the first few months. I think sometimes starting fresh and adjusting to change can feel overwhelming at first (especially after leaving behind people you loved working with). and that doesn’t necessarily mean things won’t improve; maybe you just need a little time to “dip your toes in the water” \ sense the environment.
I hear you , starting somewhere new with a culture that doesn’t fit can take a toll on your morale and well-being. It’s okay to acknowledge that it might take time to adjust, but also important to listen to yourself and your boundaries
if you want to - maybe try to find ways to recreate what you loved about your previous workplace:whether that’s staying connected with former colleagues or finding a community that feels supportive.
eventually, your mental health and balance matter the most. It’s okay to take things slow and figure out what works for you without rushing into big decisions 
Best of luck!
New environment had colleague take credit for my work and it was quite unpleasant, not very fond of the environment and already started taking MC to go for interview. They rarely even have team meetings at all, guess i rushed into this job offer too fast..and they gossisp a lot. But that being said taking a new job is always a risk. My previous workplace provided more opportunities for learning as a fresh grad and team was more genuine as compared to this. Should have recognized the red flags earlier on.
@Mentalhealth60 That does sound rough. it’s frustrating when your work isn’t acknowledged and the environment is so toxic.
starting a new job is always a bit of a gamble, and the red flags only become clear in hindsight.
It’s good that you’re already taking steps..you’re not stuck, and that matters . and even if this role wasn’t the right fit, it still helped clarify what matters to you in a workplace. think about it as a kind of clarity that can help guide your next move.
Hoping you’ll find a place that feels right- where you’re appreciated for what you bring and can genuinely thrive 
Ahh I really feel you on this 
it’s so tough when you leave a place you actually liked, even if the reason made sense at the time. A 1.5hr commute is no joke and it’s totally valid to want something more sustainable. But yeah… the people you work with really do make such a big difference — they can affect your whole mood and motivation.
It’s okay to grieve that old job and feel regret, it just shows how much it meant to you. But don’t be too hard on yourself — you made the best decision you could with what you knew then
Not eating or sleeping sounds really rough though 
please take care of yourself first, even small things like eating a little or going for a short walk can help your body feel a bit more grounded.
As for what’s next, maybe instead of going back (since the commute was already draining), you could try to recreate some of the things you loved — like staying in touch with old teammates, or start looking for a new role that has a better culture fit and a manageable commute. Or even try to find a few people in your current workplace that you can vibe with — sometimes just one or two good connections can make a big difference 
you deserve both sustainability and a supportive environment.
And honestly, sometimes being in a not-so-great place helps us figure out what really matters to us in a job. This could be a stepping stone to something better, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
You’re not alone in this and you’re definitely not stuck. Sending you lots of strength