Grieving and emotionally unstable

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My dad just passed away last 30June and I am still not over it. Time to time I still cry. Sometimes a very deep sense of loneliness suddenly makes me not me. Like a part of me is saying to put my leg out of the window or play at the window. When this happens I feel like there are two of me.

I also lost focus at work, i am no longer who i was. Most of the times before getting out of bed to prepare for work, either i cry or will have mild anxiety.

To me everyday is survivor game. Everyday is a challenge, a battle i need to fight and win to live.

My co-workers don’t see what’s inside me, bec each time i face other people I always give a normal me.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t have time to feel my loss. When dad got sick and was diagnosed of last stage cancer, i had to juggle work and flying to see him each time he’ll be admitted in the hospital while i was adjusting with my new job. All the way until i lost him.

After settling his burial, i needed to come back to work. Trying to pull myself together. Adjusting my new job (new role, new environment) while adjusting on my recent loss.

I sometimes loss my sanity.

Please help. I don’t know what to do.

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Hi @RefilenO

Thank you for sharing with us your struggles on this platform, it takes so much courage to be vulnerable and I commend you for that. We are here to journey with you.

I’m truly so sorry to hear about the profound loss of your dad and the overwhelming challenges you’re facing. It’s completely understandable that you’re still grieving and experiencing a range of emotions. Losing a loved one is an incredibly difficult and personal journey, and it’s clear that you’ve been carrying a heavy load while trying to manage work and life changes.

I want to encourage you to recognize that grieving is a process, and there’s no right or wrong way to go through it. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to allow yourself the time and space to mourn. It sounds like you’ve been incredibly strong and resilient in handling multiple responsibilities, but it’s also important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.

I hear your struggles, and I would really encourage you to reach out to a professional therapist or counselor who can provide a safe and supportive space for you to express your thoughts and feelings. They can offer guidance on how to cope, help you work through the grieving process, and provide strategies to manage the challenges you’re facing at work.

I would really recommend starting with a counsellor or therapist from either a nearby Family Service Centre, or approach any online counsellors here:

You can also check out these counselling providers who specifically support clients on grief and bereavement processing: Find counselling services - My Legacy

Additionally, perhaps communicating with your supervisor or HR department about the emotional difficulties you’re experiencing may be helpful. They may be able to offer support, such as adjusting your workload temporarily or providing resources for grief counseling.

Also, I would like to share a few tools that can help temporarily to relief the emotional pain for a short while. But please remember that it would be best for you to let a therapist journey with you throughout this grieving process, as you need the emotional support.

Some helpful tools:

  1. Guided meditation - Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg
  2. Relaxation practices - Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg
  3. Take deep breaths and remain calm - Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg

Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, and taking care of your mental health is a priority. Please do surround yourself with understanding friends and family who can offer support, and consider joining a grief support group where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

I would also like you to look through this link and read more about coping with grief: How to Manage Grief and Loss | Agency for Integrated Care

Please take small steps each day and be gentle with yourself during this challenging time. If you ever feel overwhelmed or need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted friend. Your well-being matters, and there are people who care and want to support you.

Last but not least, please keep us updated about how you are doing and let us know how else we can support you. Hear from you soon.

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Dear Cottonsoul,

Your reply made me realize that my feelings are important too. It made me breathe and thought, that what I am going through right now is valid. Sometimes I thought I am just overreacting maybe. Or why have i gone so weak.

I will read this over and over again, as it made me feel good. I will definitely seek professional help. I just so clueless of what is happening to me. Today I am okay, the next day I am not. Each time my heart feels light and happy without a reason at all, I suddenly get scared. It makes me wonder, maybe this joyfulness I feel may turn to frustration later. I ask if is it a signal that later or at the end of the day something bad will happen.

Then, i will try to suppress my positive feelings or control it at a minimum level bec I am just too scared.

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Hi RefilenO,

I wish I had as much courage as you to share all this when I lost my father. I believe things would be different for me if I did. I was 9 when he passed on. Despite just those short number of years, I still remember what he and I did together. In a sense we never forget our loss and we shouldn’t need to.

I have attended a session of ‘Grief Cafe’ where participants are given a safe space to talk about the loss of a loved one. It is held once a month at Assisi Hospice. It is hosted by a Grief and Bereavement Care Counsellor. Although I left the group because of scheduling, the single session was comforting as everyone in the group shared a commonality.

You can find out more about it here if you wish to explore this option.