I’ve been feeling like i want to kill myself a lot since i was 12, but i don’t have a particular reason to do it. I feel like i failed my parents and myself a lot, and i often get angry for no reason. My mood swings are insane, and i get random impulses to try to hurt myself. But i haven’t listened to it yet. I don’t know what to do
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Dear @breadsie
Thank you for sharing this. This is already a good first step you have taken in your efforts to get better.
You don’t need a specific reason to feel the way you do. Pain doesn’t always come from one big thing. It builds up quietly, over time, from feeling like you’re never enough, from guilt, pressure, or even just from trying to survive when things feel too overwhelming. And everything you’ve described such as feeling like you’ve failed, struggling with mood swings, random anger, and urges to hurt yourself I believe are signs that your heart and mind are overwhelmed. You are hurting.
Contrary to what your mind may be telling you, are not a failure. You are someone who’s been carrying a lot for a long time, quietly and all by yourself.
The fact that you’re still here, that you’ve resisted those urges even when they feel strong shows strength and resilience. You may not feel strong, but reaching out the way you are doing here takes courage.
I believe things might feel confusing or numb or too much all at once. Thus you might not be sure what to do.
I therefore gently encourage you to reach out to someone you trust. It could be a school counsellor, a parent or relative, or a helpline.You don’t need to explain everything perfectly. You don’t need to “prove” your pain. Just saying, “I’m not okay and I need help” is enough. You don’t have to go through this alone.
If you’re in Singapore, please consider:
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) – 1767 (available 24/7)
CHAT (for youth mental health)– [https://chat.mentalhealth.sg]
Please know that your feelings, your mental health and you matter. And you deserve support.
Even if your mind tells you otherwise, there is a future for you that feels better than this. It won’t happen overnight, but with the right help and care, things can get better. There is still space for joy, for healing and for peace although you can’t see it right now.
You’ve made it through so much already. Look how far you’ve come. I hope you can hold on and give yourself the chance to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out whenever you need to. 
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Dear @breadsie, I hear the frustration you feel about failing your parents, yourself and the seemingly out-of-control mood swings. I also hear the pain you feel about wanting to hurt yourself or to end your life. These are all extremely tough feelings and it is perfectly normal that you dont know what to do. But can we just take a moment to really recognise how incredibly resilient and brave you are? Because despite all these overwhelming emotions, you are still actively fighting against those suicidal thoughts and you are, right now, still actively seeking help. This is an incredible amount of courage, and you have done well, super duper well!
So in the grand scheme of things, you have not failed anyone. You showed up for life, and you have achieved an incredible much.
While Mindline offers you an online space to seek support, I am wondering if you are seeing a therapist or counsellor? I will always be here for you, but it can help a lot if there is someone physically there to support you emotionally. If you have not tried counselling before, and is between the age of 13-25, carecorner Singapore offers fully subsidised counselling service. (INSIGHT Appointment Request Form - Care Corner Singapore l Non-Profit Organisation). Remember, you dont have to handle pain alone. Just like how we go to clinics when we have a flu, sometimes our emotions can have a little cold to and it is perfectly normal to seek professional support. Meanwhile, i will be here for you.
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Hello @breadsie, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It takes a lot of courage to say what you’re going through, and that says a lot about how strong you are.
Feeling like you want to end things without a clear reason can be really confusing and scary. But that doesn’t mean you’ve failed anyone or yourself. Sometimes our minds get overwhelmed and that pain just comes out as these feelings and mood swings. It’s not about you being weak or broken.
Those urges to hurt yourself? They’re a sign you’re hurting a lot inside and need some help. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Talking to someone you trust, a close friend, a family member, or a counselor, can really help you make sense of all this and figure out how to cope.
You’re not a burden, and it’s totally okay to ask for help. You deserve to be heard and cared for. Things might feel dark now, but it’s possible to get through this and find better days.
If you want, I’m here to listen and help you think about what to do next. You matter. Your feelings matter.