to be honest? i keep researching borderline symptoms and self diagnosis tools but it’s not like i’ve experienced anything that would cause me to develop bpd etc except maybe genetics
i’m constantly swinging between being extremely depressed and being okay , impulsive especially with self-destructive habits, i end up hating all my friends and pushing them away before they can do it to me and afterwards i’ll wonder why i have nobody to turn to when im sobbing on the floor lol
i have a decent social life and i (hopefully) come off as well adjusted and normal but i’m also an awful person and when somebody i’m especially close to hangs out with others i kind of spiral and break and stuff hahaha anyway yeah i honestly just want to vocalise these thoughts to someone but it feels like everyone goes through things like this and im just pusillanimous for needing help for it
Thank you for reaching out. What you shared sounds painful and your feelings and worries are fully understandable.
Please know that you are not weak or dramatic for seeking help, clarity and to understand what you are experiencing. On the contrary I think you are very self aware and honest in acknowledging that you are in pain. I also sense a determination in you to seek ways to be able to sit with uncomfortable emotions and ride through them.
May I encourage you to seek help from a therapist soon. They listen unconditionally and provide a non judgmental, safe space for you to unpack what you are going through. Furthermore there will be opportunities to acquire emotional regulation skills and psychological flexibility. By practicing these skills in your daily life, I believe your distress can reduce. Over time, you would be able to choose responses more aligned to your values instead of autopilot reactions.
You could also call the national mindline at 1771 to speak to a caring and competent counsellor if you require urgent attention. This hotline operates 24/7.
Continue reaching out here whenever needed. And I encourage you keep taking tiny positive steps forward to improve well being and quality of life.
Hey @user8719, I hear you and I hope you know that sharing these thoughts does not make you cowardly at all! In fact I think it is a brave first step towards getting the help you need. While self-diagnosis is not recommended, it is a good first step to help you realise the possible reasons behind your thoughts and behaviours, and I believe that you would definitely benefit from a proper diagnosis. BPD can definitely affect relationships with self and others. With proper treatment, it can be managed, and you will be equipped with the skills to cope with it. I hope you know that there are many resources for you to consider, I hope this helps and encourages you to seek a professional’s opinion!
Reading this, it sounds really painful, exhausting, and lonely. Whether you have a label for it or not, what you’re experiencing is real and it matters.
It sounds exhausting to swing between feeling okay and then feeling overwhelmed, impulsive, and alone—especially noticing yourself pushing others away and then wishing someone was there when you’re falling apart, and needing support. Holding that mix of wanting closeness and being scared of getting hurt sounds really hard. That kind of cycle can hurt a lot.
Sitting with strong thoughts and feelings like that can be incredibly hard, especially when they feel so convincing in the moment and then leave you hurting afterward. I hear how much effort it takes just to get through that.
You don’t have to go through this on your own. If you’re open to it, it could be helpful to talk things through with a therapist—whatever feels most important to you, including questions about diagnosis, if that feels helpful. Either way, reaching out like this shows a lot of courage.
