Slightly concerned

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

I am so sorry but here i am. i dont know what to do. I just feel exhausted all the time even though I sleep a normal amount. I love drawing and writing but I have had zero interest lately and I don’t know why. I think something might be a bit wrong. I don’t want to wake up in the morning, I just want to sleep forever yknow but not DIE.i dont know im sorry. I don’t mind dying that much though. after all we are nothing in the grand scheme of things. but anyway

i really really dislike myself. im so jealous of my brother. he is so unbelievably satisfied with his life and it drives me insane. WHY?? WHY CAN HE JUST BE SO HAPPY? i know its my fault im being very shallow and stupid and assuming and I DONT KNOW I JUST WANT TO HAVE A HAPPy life and be enough for my parents and be a good person.

i just dont know where my life is going. every few weeks i think “wait did i hit what is known as rock bottom” but oh yet another descent awaits. i dont know. in school, my friends are not in my class. my classmates are annoyed because i told them we’re not friends??? also they have very different values from myself and actually dislike a group of people that i am in so uh. i dont know i dislike this i dont like this i dont like anything im sorry is this normal teen hormones please tell me its normal

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Hey @inclusivedove3946 . Please don’t apologise for being here, I’m really glad you reached out.

What you described sounds really heavy. The exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, losing interest in things you love, dreading mornings, feeling like you keep hitting new lows, that is a lot to carry, and it makes sense that you’re struggling.

I want to check in on something you said about not minding dying and wanting to sleep forever. I hear you that you don’t want to die die, but I just want to ask directly: are you safe right now? Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself? There’s no wrong answer, I just want to make sure I understand where you’re at.

On your parents, can I ask a bit more about that? What does “being enough” for them look like in your head? Sometimes that feeling of not being enough comes from a very specific story we’ve told ourselves, and it’s worth looking at it a little more closely.

The friendship situation sounds really painful too. Being surrounded by people who have different values from you and who actually dislike a group you belong to, that might feel really isolating. But the fact that you know your values enough to recognise the mismatch shows that you have self-awareness, and that’s great. Just remember that the people who will get you exist, maybe just not in that classroom.

As for your brother, I don’t think you’re jealous because you’re a bad person. I think you’re jealous because you want what he has, which is essentially just wanting to feel okay, and that’s a very human need.

One small thing, you mentioned drawing and writing. Even when the motivation is gone, sometimes just picking up a pen with zero pressure to draw/write something perfect can be a tiny way back to yourself. No expectations, just the act of it.

Lastly, I do want to check if you’ve spoken to your school counsellor before? What you’re describing, especially the persistent exhaustion and loss of interest in things you love, is worth talking through with someone in person. You deserve that kind of support, not just a chat box.