Social anxiety, constant stress and possibly obsessive thinking.

Ask a Therapist Signs and Symptoms
1

Im gonna share with you the story of my struggles. I have to apologise in advance, because It may sound like a long rant and contain some talks about superstitions. but it is really what i face. I have tried many coping strategies but it didnt help, or i cant do it. so this is what i resort to, i hope someone can guide me. Thanks.

I am currently 18 yo studying in poly.

Being a chinese, i heard that there is this old wife’s tale that when one thinks of another person, that other person will sneeze.

Ever since secondary 3, i started being awkward and being tense around people in school whose opinions of me i care about. I even constantly feel judged for my every action, leading me to always think of them and what they are thinking of me. Every action i take feels forced because of how tense i am around them. It really made me feel stressed and uncomfortable around other people, and after those interactions, i often feel exhausted, disappointed and worried.

During that same time, i also find it difficult to concentrate and i constantly though about other people and what they were thinking of me at that point in time. When i was tense and thinking of them, they tend to sneeze as well. This happens so often that it feels like everyone around me sneezes/ coughs / sniffs. I also think that people know its me who makes them cough because of the frequency of it happening around me. This makes me feel scared of when the next person im thinking about will cough and therefore being judged for thinking of them. So i tried my best not to think about others by constantly stimulating my mind with random thoughs, questions, inner monologues and darting my eyes around to find something else to think about instead of them. But this often doesn’t work because i cant seem to concentrate on things other than other people and their opinions.

Whenever i am about to enter a social situation, i have a feeling like the world is ending and there is no hope left. I would then get lazy and think about ways to avoid going.

I have struggled with this for 3-4 years now. On the way, i talked to my parents about it and how i felt, but all i got was that this superstition wasnt real and that i shoulnt care about what others think. I also broke down many times mostly in private, some infront of my parents and some in public from the feeling of anger, sadness and tiredness building up.

Currently, i only have my parents to turn to, even though they cough from time to time when im around (feels like they try to keep it in because of my situation). I dont have anyone else to turn to. No friends, no lecturers i feel comfortable sharing my problems with. I even think some classmates and lecturers hate me for being awkward and making everyone cough. This is dispite the fact that i always try to not offend.

This problem i face affects my relationships, my studies, my health and almost all other aspects of my life.

What should i do?

should i sit beside others in class and pretend like im close to them but actually im tense around them, or should i sit by myself and be judged for being an oddball or weird.

Should i stop pretending like everything is find and stop acting so friendly?

Since it is not easy to not care about other’s opinions, should i think internally to myself in an angry and rebellious way that “i do not care what others think”?

Somedays i wish that other people dont exist. Somedays i just want to avoid responsibilities and do what i want. somedays i just feel like leaving my life to settle somewhere remote, relaxed and peaceful.

i just want to feel like a free person and not be a prisoner anymore

2

First and foremost, it seems you have a pretty clear view of your issue, and I affirm that.

Next, though there is no universal functioning solution for this, I would advise you to take the chance to actually ask. This is going to take a lot of courage but it is an important step in being honest and actually finding out if people believe that your thoughts are making them cough and sneeze.

Next, it seems that you have an overwhelming desire to isolate yourself from the world, and that is perfectly reasonable. However, just sitting with your own thoughts might exacerbate your compulsive thinking, which is not good for your personal health. Stay safe!

Finally, you do not have to try out my advice. If you think it has some merit though? Then by all means. Also, I’m here if you need to talk :slight_smile:

3

Hey @mellowoak30,

It sounds like you have been feeling scared and mentally exhausted for a long time already. Reading your post, it seems like your mind is constantly trying to watch, predict and make sense of what is happening around people, especially when you are worried about being judged or disliked.

When someone stays tense and alert for a long period of time, the brain can start linking ordinary events very strongly to fear. Then the more the person tries to rationalise, monitor or control those situations to feel safe, the more alert and insecure the mind becomes afterwards. It becomes less about superstition itself and more about the mind trying very hard to search for certainty and reassurance.

Sneezing, coughing and sniffing can happen for many physical reasons, and not because someone is thinking about another person. But because your senses already seem highly heightened around people, your attention naturally locks onto these reactions very quickly. Lack of rest, stress, anxiety and constantly staying mentally alert can also make this feel even more intense over time.

What you described about distracting yourself with random thoughts, inner monologues, forcing yourself not to think about others, and watching people’s reactions closely sounds less like “attention seeking” and more like someone trying very hard to protect themselves from fear and embarrassment.

I also noticed how alone you seem to feel in this. It sounds like you did try reaching out to your parents, but perhaps you did not fully receive the kind of reassurance, emotional support or guidance that would help you feel safer internally. When someone has to manage fear mostly alone for years, the mind can slowly shift into a very guarded and hyper-alert state.

The part where you said: “i just want to feel like a free person and not be a prisoner anymore” stood out quite a bit.

It sounds like avoidance has slowly become a safety mechanism for you. Not because you are lazy or weak, but because your mind is trying to reduce distress wherever possible. At the same time, constantly avoiding people or monitoring yourself can also make the fear feel bigger over time.

So maybe the focus right now is not forcing yourself to “stop caring” or pretending everything is fine. It may help more to address this one step at a time and rebuild some sense of internal safety first.

I really think speaking to a counsellor would help. Not because something is “wrong” with you, but because it can help you process these fears properly, reduce the hyper-alertness, and slowly learn how to feel more stable around people again. Right now it sounds like your nervous system has been in a prolonged state of vigilance for years.

If speaking to someone face-to-face feels difficult at the moment, you can also reach out to:

You do not sound like someone trying to create problems for others. You sound like someone who has been carrying fear, isolation and uncertainty internally for a long time without enough support helping you feel safe and grounded.