Spouse dying from cancer

My spouse is suffering from Stage 4 bile duct cancer. Recently, hospital stopped all chemo treatments and arrange palliative care.

We are all sadden by this outcome and on an emotion roller coaster.

We know he doesn’t want to give up and I doesn’t want to give up trying, we seek help from TCM now. He is taking chinese medicine but only take once a day when he’s supposed to take 2 tmes a day as he gets bloated and tired easily throughout the day.

Looking after him, seeing him getting thinner, weaker, sleeping more day after day sadden me.

I felt that I did not do my best to save him.

Today, my mind run wilder; I keep thinking that he is no longer around and how i am unable cope with life without him. Tears keep rolling down my cheeks, i kept crying the whole morning.

I have things to do, but I didn’t do it, I kept pushing and delay what’s supposed to be done.

I want him to be alive, i am so afraid of losing him. I can’t imagine life without him. I started tearing again when all these thoughts bounced about im my mind.

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Hey stardusz,

Must hv been so hard for u struggling with caregiving responsibilities of managing ur spouse’s terminal illness, and keeping yourself together! I can imagine you’re starting to prepare urself mentally for the loss to come.

What I can see here is, you’re trying to do more than beyond and preparing your mindset shift for adjustment, yet you’re feeling guilty for not doing enough to save him given ur spouse’s determination to survive.

I can share some resources for you to consider:

Let me know if this helps!

Hi @stardusz

Words escaped me when I read what you shared. I am very sad to hear what you are going through and want to acknowledge how brave you are. It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and saddened as you navigate this challenging time.

I believe the focus has shifted to palliative care, which aims to relieve symptoms and improve quality of life. Palliative care is crucial in managing advanced cancer. It encompasses various supportive treatments designed to alleviate symptoms such as pain, nausea, and fatigue.

As a caregiver, it’s 100% understandable to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, guilt, and anxiety about the future. Many caregivers report feeling helpless when they see their loved ones decline and may struggle with thoughts of loss. It’s important to recognize these feelings as part of the process and seek support for yourself as well.

May I suggest these coping strategies:

Seek Support: Consider reaching out to support groups for caregivers or individuals dealing with cancer. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be helpful. @VOXJY has shared some resources which you may want to consider.

Communicate: Talk openly with your spouse about his feelings and wishes. This can foster a sense of connection and understanding during this difficult time.

Self-Care: Make sure to take care of your own physical and emotional health. This might include taking breaks when needed, engaging in activities that bring you joy, or seeking professional counselling on what you are experiencing, plus how to manage emotions and thoughts in healthier ways.

Mindfulness and Relaxation: Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or gentle yoga can help manage stress and anxiety.

Focus on Quality Time: Spend meaningful moments together doing things you both enjoy or simply being present with each other.

It’s understandable that you may feel concerned about your spouse’s current treatment plan, especially if he is experiencing side effects from Chinese medicine or is not adhering to the prescribed regimen due to discomfort. Open dialogue with healthcare providers about alternative therapies or adjustments in treatment can help ensure he receives the best possible care tailored to his needs.

Facing a terminal illness in a loved one is profoundly challenging, both emotionally and physically. Allow yourself to grieve and feel what you’re feeling; it’s a natural response to such a significant life change. Remember that seeking help for yourself is just as important as caring for your spouse during this time. You are not alone in this journey; support is available for both of you. Please take care. :heartpulse:

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Hi Voxjy, thank you for your words of encouragement and links.

I will read through when I’m free.

Thank you

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