Talking very loud

Hi,

I kinda need help with something that has been bothering me throughout my life…

I have an extremely loud voice… Like really loud… And is deep as well… My family has it as well…While it could be of a huge advantage but most of the time I see it as a disadvantage cuz I couldnt find any advantage in it… But many a times, having a loud voice has many disadvantages and I am really ashamed by it. For example, in my talking tone, people always think i am shouting. Even alot of my friends say I am loud and ask me to quiet down… I feel really embarrassed cuz i couldnt control… whenever i converse with my family especially when I am agitated or excited,my voice will be much louder and it feels like i am fighting and I will not be conscious by it… The thing is, i also care alot about what other people think… Like i am afraid my loud voice may give people the impression that I am scary or violent… I am also afraid my loud voice will also pose potential issues for my neighbours as I am afraid my neighbours r disturbed by me or that they will hear my convo…It is to the point I worried that even neighbours 2 floors above mine can hear my voice cuz I can always hear people voice from ground floor despite living in the 4th floor ( my voice is that loud too). Everytime after i converse with my family, i will realise that my voice is damn loud and i regret it ( but during the conversation i dont realise)… Thats when I am really conscious about how my neighbours may think of me. Also I remembered there was a complain letter apparently given to my family as well (athough not very sure is it really targeting at us)

Even outside with my friends, i will also be afraid if other ppl will listen to my convo, esp if the convo is not appropriate for others to hear…Or when i gossip abit too loud, i scared people can hear cuz of my loud voice… And my voice is the loudest amongst my friends

So how has that been bothering me for years is cuz i realise the next day I will forgot about the situation and make the same mistake and regret again… The purpose of this post is i wanna know if it like normal and how shud I change or not be bothered by these thoughts, esp the latter as it has been affecting my mental health and confidence… Too conscious about how other ppl will think about me…

Thank you for reading this!

I also have low voice and been told many times that I talk too loudly. Talking loudly have given some people the confidence they needed, shut bullies up, stopped fights and saved the victims, and most unfortunate was stopping a baby from falling off the chair.

Those who need hearing aids are glad to feel “normal” when around me. Those who can’t speak will give anything to be able to talk like me.

It will be a strange world if opera never exists, the march in National Day Parade follows commands from a projected screen, students barely can hear what their teachers are whispering, no soldiers defending their country know the enemies are coming, the list is quite endless.

Until the day that there are laws on speaking volume, it just means that talking loudly has never been a problem in any society.

To change ourselves to entertain those who are ignorant is an endless effort that isn’t going to do anyone any good.

How about using your ability to let people around you feel better about themselves. Speak kindly and generously with compliments. Everyone (including your neighbours) can do with some recognition or assurance about themselves.

When can’t resist a harmless gossip that is just too funny, same as when in a library, using text messages is always a perfect alternative for communication.

I hope you won’t be convinced by those who are ignorant to think that we have a problem. They will feel silly if they try telling that to those that I have helped. I am glad and will always talk loudly. I hope you do too.

1 Like

Hi @Jinnni

Thanks for coming here to share your concerns with us on this platform. It sounds like you are going through a tough time as you feel that your volume is affecting others and yourself.

It is helpful that you care about others, thus concerned about disturbing people. It will also be helpful to think more for yourself too. Some people are born with loud voices, some with soft voices. I am sure that it will be difficult to navigate around different situations at times.

I do agree with @Uncle about his perspectives! Especially about the part on using this ability to help yourself or others. It is about feeling proud of yourself and knowing where you can apply this ability. It feels like you are seeing this as an obstacle in making connections or being in social situations. If you want to feel better about it, you can consider shifting your perspective to seeing it as a strength and you might find yourself using this to improve your situation.

Also, I think you are rather aware of your voice and having self-awareness is already helpful. You can consider being mindful of your environment, give yourself a quick reminder before you start engaging with people around you. Also, I am sure your friends are aware of your excitement and how you could get louder when you are excited. It might be helpful to remind yourself that they are still friends with you meaning that they might have accepted you for who you are. Sometimes, they could ask you to keep your volume down as a friendly reminder. It doesn’t mean that they do not like you or dislike your voice. Thank them for the reminder and not let this affect you too much.

As for you being at home, home should be the safest place for us to express ourselves in the most natural form. While you indicated that there could be a complain letter, you added that it might not be directed at you or your family. It could be a self-conscious thing because it is constantly on your mind. I think it is helpful that you are trying to balance this!

Lastly, you mentioned that your family has the same ability too. Do you think it will be helpful to talk to them about how it affects you and find out from them about how they think of it or cope with it? Perhaps they can provide different insights and help you feel better about it too!

I hope this is helpful and that you are able to embrace this strength you have. Do take care!

Hi Jinnni,

As someone who is soft spoken, I don’t judge people who talk loudly. I guess it could be normal to become self-conscious about your volume when you feel that people are staring at you right?

Well, some people are pretty sensitive in their hearing and might have a headache if someone keeps shouting. However, you are not like that. If being loud by accident is due to excitement, you should find people who accept you the way you are <3.

Ofc, it’s a bonus to have self-awareness and not become a nuisance by saying gossip out loud in public… but be mindful of what you say in the public and keep the juicy gossips said in private!!