hey!! would really appreciate any help or insight on this 
some background info - my immediate family members sometimes have v tense exchanges (raising voices, arguments, scolding sessions) & that’s normal cause family! but i’ve been noticing that i get really breathless & can’t breathe whenever they raise their voices.
sometimes even if they don’t argue, i get worried and it feels like my nose is totally blocked and i need to inhale extra hard to get air into my lungs. this happens pretty often & wanted to ask if that’s normal or do i need some kind of help for this? thank u!!
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hey!! any responses & help would be vv appreciated, going slightly insane here i dont really know how to cope!
abit of background info: my family (whom i stay with) often have tense conversations & moments - almost everyday or every 2 days they raise their voice/get angry etc and that’s normal i get it! cause family there’s bound to be tense moments & arguments BUT i recently realised that everytime they raise their voice even slightly, i get extremely stressed and worried that they’ll get into a big argument. and as a result i can’t really breathe & have to inhale extra hard to get enough air into my lungs. and sometimes it feels like no matter how hard i breathe im always breathless.
is this normal?? or do i need help haha i can’t really distance myself since this happens often & i see them daily, moving out isn’t an option too! any help would be appreciated thanks yall in advance 
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Hey @spicypopiah. Thank you so much for sharing this even when it’s overwhelming for you. What you’re describing, that breathlessness, tight-chest, can’t breathe feeling, it’s actually a stress response which is quite common, especially when you’re in an environment where tension happens often.
When you grow up in a space where loud voices and arguments happen often, your body remembers. It learns to be on high alert, even if nobody’s shouting at you. You’re not weak for feeling that way. In fact, it shows how much you care. How deeply you’re tuned in.
But i know it gets exhausting.
That breathlessness? That’s your body’s way of trying to protect you. It means you’ve probably been holding in a lot for a while now.
Would you be open to trying some grounding/breathing exercises when it happens? Like focusing on slow inhales and longer exhales. Even whispering to yourself, “I’m safe right now. This moment will pass.” Or holding ice cubes. Small, simple things can really help regulate your body in those moments.
You’re not weak or overreacting or crazy. You don’t have to “toughen up.” Your nervous system is doing the best it can to keep you safe.
Curious, is there a safe corner or activity you turn to when things get tense at home? Even something small like listening to music, journaling or taking a walk. Something you can do to give yourself space.
Thank you for being brave and asking. Sending you so much care 
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Dear @spicypopiah
Thank you for sharing; it takes courage to speak up about something that feels so personal and overwhelming. What you’re going through sounds really distressing, and I want to start by saying this: you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone.
When you mentioned feeling breathless, like your nose is blocked or that you need to try extra hard to breathe — especially when voices are raised or when you’re anticipating conflict — that sounds like a very real stress or anxiety response. Your body is picking up on tension and reacting as if something dangerous is happening, even if it’s just loud voices. That reaction is valid. It’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you, even though it feels scary and out of your control.
Even if raised voices are a normal part of your home, that doesn’t mean your body feels safe in those moments. Over time, if you’ve been around stress or tension often, your body can get stuck in a kind of “alert” mode — so much so that it reacts even before anything actually happens.
This kind of reaction is common but that doesn’t mean you have to just live with it. There is support available, and you deserve to feel safe in your own body.
Here are a few gentle things that might help:
Try slow, deep breathing when you feel the tightness coming on — like inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, exhaling for 4. You can also clench and release your hands to bring your body back to the present.
If possible, step into a quiet space — even a bathroom — just to ground yourself and reset.
Keep something nearby that helps soothe you — a comforting scent, music, or even just something soft to hold.
Do also consider some of the tips shared by @ScribblingSunflower.
If you feel okay with it, talking to a counsellor or a safe adult could really help you understand these feelings and work through them. It’s not a sign of weakness — it’s a sign you’re caring for yourself.
What you’re feeling is very real, and you’re not too sensitive or imagining it. Your body is just asking for some safety and support. And you absolutely deserve that.
Please reach out whenever you need to. 
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Hey @spicypopiah it must have been so overwhelming for you. It can be hard to cope during such intense, heated moments especially if you are frequently experiencing that.
Feeling breathless can be a very unpleasant experience too. That’s how our bodies and minds interact. They are always in touch with each other trying to keep us safe. Intentional breathing exercise like @ScribblingSunflower has mentioned above can be a very useful technique that you can begin with.
Additionally, you would also benefit from doing simple, bodily stretches that would help both parts of your body to communicate better, hence bringing down some of those tense sensations.
You are very self-aware. Keep that going. Take care.
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Hi @spicypopiah,
My apologies for the late reply.
I am concerned when you mentioned about hyperventilating when you are in the middle of an argument between family members. It’s good that you were able to recognise the symptoms of emotional distress, and had the courage to seek support on Let’s Talk.
If you would like to know more about managing emotional distress, you may wish to try our resource page for self-care exercises (https://www.mindline.sg/online-chatbot/self-care-exercises).
With regards to your episodes of breathlessness, one thing that you may wish to try is the 4-7-8 breathing technique (4-7-8 Breathing: How It Works, How to Do It, and More) in times when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
If you’re open to speak to a professional about this, you can contact the Community Integrated Team (SupportGoWhere) or the Youth Integrated Team (SupportGoWhere) for complimentary mental health support.
Note: The Community Integrated Team is for those aged 18 and above, while the Youth Integrated Team is for those aged 12 to 25.
Hope this helps! 
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
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hey sunflower,
thank you so much for the reply!! the grounding exercises are a great idea, i’ll try them out sometime soon 
as for a safe space, not really actually! i did try hiding in the bathroom once but my mom didn’t like it because she sees it as me thinking family issues/disagreements are none of my business 
but when it happens again i’ll try heading to my room!
even while in the bathroom the previous time i was still v stressed out cause i knew they were out there arguing but haha it’s okay can’t have my cake and eat it
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Hello, from what I understand, you feel overwhelmed when your relatives argue. Your feelings are valid and it shows how much you care about your family members. I understand you have tried finding a space to recollect your thoughts but still feel a little uneasy. Perhaps you could try taking a few deep breaths to also recollect your thoughts? 
Take care OP 