Recently, I have just been terminated (with immediate effect, no notice period or salary in lieu) from my SME company for speaking ill of my manager and they terminated me out of misconduct or insubordination which I feel totally unjust about and I am not sure how to deal with this situation.
I feel
Guilty and apologetic - Because me and my manager we had good personal relationship but maybe not working so when we ended up like this, all my good memories with her, I felt really sorry, bad and guilty.
(Most) Unjust - I didnt expect my very first full time job to end up in termination when I felt i did a small mistake only yet they making me feel like a murderer or prisoner. I feel so unfair being terminated like this and I hate that my name is being associated to work termination and I never knew termination will happen in my life, especially for first job. Even the worst person get to resign and i got terminated.
Worry - I worry this termination will hinder my opportunity to work in good company and I feel that for this company, it is so not worth it especially when doing background check, they r able to check with my manager (who is both HR and also the person to refer for reference check who I also offended). I believe this company will not help me or write good things about me, i also dont want them to know where i work and worse i wanna work in a company like govt sector but with background check, i fear it will interfere with my suitability for a stupid reason and a toxic company that is so not worth it.
Unfair - I got terminated for a really small matter, while is a heavy consequences, I will never make the same mistake in my future job. But my whole company gossips, i just didnt say.
Coward- i wanted to pursue with Tadm but i feel the chances of winning is low cuz they make me sign documents during my most invulnerable, deleted my convo cuz of exit interviews ( and i suspect my manager read my messages too but i no evidence cuz i was dumb to let her see my phone). Because i have seen how TADM works, so I have no energy to fight with them and idw to talk to them anymore. I feel like that pushover who dk how to fight for my rights.
Values- I always thought i am a great person, naive, kind, helpful, a person with good heart, trustworthy and no harm to people, but this mistake make me did not live up to my values and I feel bad about it. I feel like a bad person, toxic person and they make me a hypocrite just cuz I needed an outlet to vent.
Stupid - for trusting the wrong person to rant.
Regrets- I regretted not resigning when I had the intention to for the longest time, instead I drag til today and got terminated instead ( i wanted my Aws). If I know is this outcome, i would have resigned long ago and times like this i feel the previous staff all very smart to escape from here. ( i am the longest staff for this position)
Pressure- I feel that the its the end of me, for my future. Everything is my fault and I blame myself alot. If I did none of this, none of this would have happened.
If you are asking what kind, my rants are just disagreement with what my sup is doing.. Like she can say me, gossip about me but i cannot say her? And i hate conflicts or stirring â â â â , so usually i would rant to my trusted colleagues ( a few of them) which works for a year until i told this 4th person.
Til today I wake up i will feel so angry cuz i know i am supposed to be working but i am not. Ik can reach out to career counselling, but tried before didnt work out as i wanted. So now, i really feel like is the end of the world. How should i manage this whole situation?
Thats really bad must be tough for u. Had been in ur position⊠Smes alw cut corners, the RL isn as rosy as MoM and pledge make it out to be I used to feel like i wasn adequate- usu the reasons to terminate me were coz they set up probation for failure/ or might not be u at all. A few in my past becos making losses, they dw to pay cpf or pay at all
Being end of year not many wil.be hiring. Have u check reddit for advice? Some ppl study the jobhunting trends and comment there (Im not a pro of economy, since 2022 ive stayed on at my current mnc, they appreciate me
But if u ask me, i think getting terminated during probation is totally okay because they just feel you dont fit. I feel i am in the worst position as they now make me a really bad person, like prisoner liddat. Having a record that us red flag on my career history and worse my first job. Employers dk me so they can only based on my past as the black and white. Thats making me feel worried and bad about myself. I believe my job search journey will not be easy and this is really so unfair to me I feel. I ask chatgpt but while it provides comfort, they painted the ideal situation for than reality.
Thank you for sharing what happened at work. Itâs good you reached out, instead of bearing this very heavy burden all on your own. I agree it certainly hurts deeply that you were unfairly treated and subjected to double standards. The fact you were terminated for the reasons the company used makes the situation even more painful.
Reading what you wrote about the many feelings you are experiencing, Iâm noticing you are reflective, continually learning and someone who takes responsibility for your own actions.
During this difficult period, may I gently encourage you be less hard on yourself. Take time to recover from what you have endured. Rebuild your daily routine slowly but steadily. Spend time daily to ground yourself, rest and be more mindful not to be caught up in the whirlwind spiral of negative automatic thoughts. These negative thoughts and thinking distortions can harm our mental health if left unchecked.
May I therefore recommend you to speak to a counsellor soon to process the grief arising from the unfairness and loss. The counsellor can also share healthy coping methods that reduce spiralling thoughts. For immediate support you can call the national mindline at 1771. It operates 24/7.
When you said it feels like itâs the end of the world, I believe many among us have felt similarly hopeless before at times. I think that remembering that not all thoughts are true nor useful would help put some distance between the thought and our mind; and I believe this helps reduce the sting.
During this period of transition and recovery, may I also gently encourage you to identify your own strengths, unique skill set and expertise. Employers look out for these, so marketing these skills during interviews and in resumes would be useful. Keep chipping away at building this one tiny step at a time, your efforts will bear fruit in time!
Thank you @CaringBee for your reply. Appreciate it alot. May i ask what r some coping mechanisms when I keep thinking about this situation? Because i have alot of good memories with my sup on the other hand as well. Whenever i see her gift, i go shopping and see the brand she use, i always associate those things to her. This is making me hard to move on and increases my guilt towards her because when I talk ill about my colleague, it was in the spur of moment and I made the wrong decision/ move due to overwhelming and stress. But seeing the things she bought, our common memories, i feel so bad towards her, really guilty for talking ill abt her as well and now everything is just so associated to her( simple snack from NTUC i can think of her) i am not sure how to manage this problem (maybe i even miss her?)
first of all, congratulations! you are finally relieved from these burdenz. there is no need to feel unjust as you are actively aware of your actions. what actions have you taken to make up for the âsmallâ mistake? just curious. please remember to file your taxes before year end and im happy that you are earning more than $50 to qualify cpf.
there is no need to justify, you are already ranting about her here in this forum because you want to garner support and be heard in this situation. to manage this situation, you should take aspirin to reduce your pain and help you copes better. you will feel numb and wake up happily the next day.
Please no need to apologise , your message comes across very clearâșïž.
It is understandable you feel sad that it ended this way with your supervisor as she has been nice to you. Ranting about her during a time when you were overwhelmed and stressed is something many of us do, and unfortunately it was taken out of context by a third party.
Your gratitude towards her is evident. As this has just happened, it will take time to heal, so be kind and compassionate to yourself during this period. What you did is only human.
In your cv u donât have to mention u got terminated. Can change the reason. I dun use chatgpt, i mean the reddit Sg threads, alw have some commentors who know abt the job market, the trends and stuff. Chatgpt is AI right? So what it says dun have human vibes
Wait i just saw thisâ usually i would rant to my trusted colleagues ( a few of them) which works for a year until i told this 4th person > ppl are unpredictable. I think safer not to rant to colleags but to friends outside of the industry. I managed to find a pro bono job coach whom i can confide abt work issues. Someone like a mentor. Then they are neutral party, wonât have any risk of what u said gg back to unintended person
Christmas parties are ongoing this month, feel free to join as you will feel further enabled.
besides, due to your limited contextual understanding of why this has happened, you have suffered a lot indeed. agree that you should not push yourself so much and let others push you. because, they are the ones with strength afterall. happy holidays booman
Fenrispro - should just let them know you have a medical condition. there are many people with special needs these days , posting here is a great outlet for live morale suggestions.
this is also the reason why I decided to seek refuge here as a safe space. the professed professional gives good advice and I feels very comforted.
actually, have you personally apologised to your manager yet and made it known how bad you feel⊠since youâve had a pretty good personal relationship before all these happened⊠and it was a heat of a moment disagreement of what she was doing but u didnât tell her directly and decided to tell some other person instead.
not to get back the job la, but more to clear the guilty conscience. and also serves as a way to put out feelers on whether still ok to give neutral reference at the very least barring no performance issuesâŠ
Itâs good that you reached out instead of carrying this heavy burden alone. I am hearing how deeply painful it must feel to be unfairly treated and subjected to double standards, especially with the termination reasons the company used. From what youâve shared, I can see that you are reflective, continually learning, and someone who takes responsibility for your actions. During this difficult period, I encourage you to be gentler with yourself - take time to recover, rebuild your daily routine gradually, and ground yourself each day. Rest and mindfulness can help prevent being swept up in the spiral of negative automatic thoughts, which can harm mental health if left unchecked. Speaking to a professional counsellor soon may also help you process the grief from this unfairness and loss, while providing healthy coping methods to reduce spiralling thoughts. For immediate support, the National Mindline at 1771 is available 24/7. They also have a WhatsApp number at +65 6669 1771.
When you said it feels like the end of the world, know that many people have felt similarly hopeless at times. Remembering that not all thoughts are true or useful can help create distance between your mind and those painful feelings, reducing their sting. As you move through this transition and recovery, I gently encourage you to identify your strengths, unique skills, and expertise. Employers value these qualities, so highlighting them in interviews and resumes will be important. Keep building step by step - your consistent efforts will bear fruit in time.
oh man..thats a pity. since you have left and been terminated already also doesnât matter. you should take it as doing a good deed, donât ever return.
I used to feel like i wasn adequate- usu the reasons to terminate me were coz they set up probation for failure/ or might not be u at all. A few in my past becos making losses, they dw to pay cpf or pay at all
