At 46, I find myself at the end of a long breakup of a toxic relationship of 6 years. In those 6 years, everything changed. My kids grew up and left, I have had grandkids, covid changed the world, and I relapsed/recovered (and still recovering) from my drug addiction. Plus more. It feels like I live inside a world that I don’t belong and people talk about self-care, loving urself, that I have been given a lease on a “new life”.
To me tho, it just feels lonely! I am past the worst parts of heartbreak, but I honestly thought I would never have to “find” new friends or not have someone to even watch a TV show with. Dating is different, no one leaves their house to hang out, and everything is so expensive. How is a person supposed to even enjoy a “new life” when your old life is all ever you ever planned for? I miss connecting with people even tho I will admit I don’t want to work to hard for the connection. Does anyone else feel like this?
Hello @neighboringnewt8490, I hear how lonely you must be feeling in this new life of yours, especially with how many things have changed in the last 6 years. Before I say much, I just want to say how proud I am of you for all the small and big steps you have taken so far. I think it was really brave of you to have gone through and finished your toxic relationship. They are always very difficult and turbulent to deal with and I’m glad that you no longer have to worry about this anymore. Also I just want to cheer you on for your drug addiction recovery. It really is no easy feat so please know that even though you are not the same person you were 6 years ago and life is not the same as it was 6 years ago, you have put in a lot of effort to make the new life an objectively healthier one and I’m proud of you being able to do that!
But I do recognise the loneliness you are feeling as well, especially with how the world has changed (thanks covid…) and your family have also grown up. It definitely is a bit sad to have loved ones leaving and living their own lives and sometimes, it makes us more emotionally distant. And I also hear how different and also difficult dating and reconnecting with other people is now that all these years have passed and you found yourself at a new phase of life. However, 46 is still objectively young enough to figure out new things to do! Even though it’s a “new life”, are there any things you can continue doing from your old one that makes you happy? Or anything you have never been able to try in your new life that you want to try now?
I also think your take on a “new life” is very interesting, I’ve never thought of life chapters like this before and I guess it does feel a bit intimidating / foreign when you mention that it’s hard to appreciate a new life when you never really planned for it in your old life. I think that’s the part about life that we have to always learn to live with: change. And I’m just wondering since you’ve mentioned feeling lonely, is there anyone that helps you feel less lonely 6 years ago? Or is there anything you have done 6 years ago that made you feel more connected with everyone and yourself? Just because people have changed, doesn’t mean they’re gone forever! Just a suggestion, I think it wouldn’t hurt to just try and find some past connections in the present! All the best with the new life of yours and I wish you nothing but happiness and content <3