To ask or not to ask?

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

Ended a situationship with a guy around 7 months ago (I admitedly led him on for nearly 8 months prior) and have gone into no-contact ever since

He hasn’t shared his thoughts despite promising he would, so how do i get him to open up? It hurts me as much as it hurts him but I really do want to know what his thoughts are

2

Hi Adelle

Thank you for reaching out for support to better understand the relationship challenges you are currently experiencing. Your feelings of uncertainty is fully understandable. The intention of seeking closure and insight into his thoughts is 100% valid. There are understandable feelings of loss and hurt as well.:heart:

May I suggest that considering you’ve established no-contact, respecting boundaries is important at this time. It may give you some much needed time to focus on self healing and growth. Do consider:

  1. Journaling to process your emotions
  2. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist
  3. Focusing on self-care and personal growth

Once you are comfortable, and if you still want to reach out, consider a gentle, non-accusatory message expressing your desire to understand his perspective. Be prepared for:

  1. No response
  2. A brief, superficial response
  3. An honest, emotional response

Remember, his thoughts and feelings are his own, and he may not be ready or willing to share them. Focus on what you can directly control, which is your wellbeing. It will take time to recover so take small steps to start and be kind to yourself, always.:heart:

3

Just do it, you only live once.

4

Hello @Adelle :wave:t2:!! Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling !

It seems like you’re feeling troubled about how to “settle” things and also waiting for the reply. These feelings are validated and understandable as the wait can be somewhat annoying. However, I think what you could do would be to arrange a day to talk things out or “settle” things so that you are not left there dangling. I understand that both of you are equally hurt but I believe settling it as soon as possible could be a better choice. Perhaps you could try to make the first move and approach him by texting him but also do remember to give him space and time as he might have a lot of thoughts going through his mind that he needs to process before talking it out with you. I believe he would when he is ready to talk things out :ok_hand:t2:.

However, if he isn’t replying, I understand it can be annoying but at this point in time, perhaps focus on yourself first :grin:.

5

Don’t rub salt in his wounds.

6

let’s un-normalise the using and abusing of people who actually care for others.

let’s un-normalise adding fuel to the fire when a person is already broken.
let’s un-normalise bullying.