Hello, I’ve been stuck in a weird place for a while now where I feel like my mind is full of gunk and it’s hard to clear it out. I would say usually, I am already a pretty apathetic person with pretty much no interests outside of some characters and creative fields, but I would say I prefer them, not like them. However, it’s been a while since I’ve had a major problem in my life (bad situations, stressful events, etc.) where my emotions were at a higher level, so I’m not used to having to deal with any depressive symptoms outside of those experiences.
Every so often, if I have nothing more stimulating to do, I get into my head and start thinking way too hard about sad, pessimistic or harmful thoughts/situations. It will happen on any random occasion, and I am always aware that I am spiraling or ruminating or whatever it’s called, and those thoughts never actually make it to reality of course, but the mere concept of thinking these bad thoughts, and the fact that I don’t feel any way about them makes me want to cry or do something more stimulating in order to get me away from a sad mood. Plus, I also don’t feel any motivation to do anything, but it isn’t like a lack of interest or a lack of pleasure from any activity. It’s more like when I do something I do supposedly like, I just think, “Well, this is nice.”, and the happiness or contentness I feel from that fades once I stop doing it. I feel like the only time I actually feel something is when I hang out or talk to other people, but when I’m alone, nothing reaches me.
However, nowadays, I can’t afford to be spending so much time simply to get away from those thoughts. Videos, games and hobbies are taking too much of my time, simply doomscrolling or reading causes me to lose track of said time. My focus is often scattered all around, and my already low motivation has been dashed. My assignments have been affected and I have been submitting most of them late, which is bad as I really do need a better grade for the course/subjects I’m studying for.
The main problem is that there seems to be no other solution. I’ve talked to some confidants about it, and their advice doesn’t stir something in me, and the only time it did inspire me, the motivation lasted a few days before it stopped. I have tried it all; crying, music, drawing, trying to relax (deep breaths, taking a break, etc.), stretching, journaling, exercise.
It seems like I’m in a constant state of sadness, but my symptoms seem to be stamped down by my usual sense of apathy. I don’t really know if I would count as depressed, but maybe my experience as someone who isn’t used to feeling big emotions outside of major events is interfering with this type of diagnosis. I would like some answers to this confusing problem, any similar stories or any advice on staying motivated, thanks!
Dear @blankslate
Thank you for reaching out and for the honesty. I can feel how exhausted you must be. Please know it’s relatable to many of us when you shared that you are feeling confused and frustrated.
From what you’ve written, I sincerely don’t think you’re “failing” or doing anything wrong. Instead, I think you may be feeling stuck and unmotivated; unable to fully register emotions.
I gather you can still enjoy things a little, but the enjoyable feeling fades quickly, and when you’re alone your thoughts spiral even though you know they won’t lead anywhere. That awareness could be contributing to making it more frustrating.
Understandably, well meaning advice and coping strategies don’t work because they depend on feeling something strongly enough for it to stick.
May I recommend to focus on very small, external steps: setting short timers, doing the bare minimum to start an assignment, or working near other people if that helps you feel more present. Systems and some structure could help kickstart when we are feeling unmotivated.
Since this is affecting your schoolwork and has been going on for a while, it would also be timely to talk to a school counsellor as you don’t have to go through this journey alone.
Counsellors listen non judgmentally and will provide a safe space for you to unpack what’s going on; plus learn some techniques and coping skills to practise.
Please be compassionate to yourself, too. This low point is temporary so do not be too discouraged. Take small daily consistent steps and I believe you can overcome this. 
Thank you for explaining this so clearly. What you’re describing sounds genuinely exhausting, and it makes sense that it feels confusing and discouraging. Being aware that you’re spiraling but not feeling much emotionally at the same time can be really unsettling but it doesn’t mean you’re broken or doing something wrong. Many people experience this mix of apathy, low motivation, and persistent background sadness, especially when life isn’t actively “on fire” but also doesn’t feel fulfilling.
It’s also understandable that distractions worked for a while and now feel like they’re costing you more than they help. That doesn’t mean there’s “no solution,” just that the usual advice hasn’t matched what you’re dealing with right now. Motivation often doesn’t come back through inspiration alone; sometimes it comes from very small, structured steps and external support rather than internal drive. And feeling better mainly around other people is a real clue as connection clearly matters for you, even if it’s subtle.
If you have the capacity to, consider talking to a mental health professional or an academic advisor, not because you’ve failed to cope, but because this is hard to carry alone and is starting to affect your functioning. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself: this sounds less like laziness or indifference and more like emotional fatigue. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to need help finding your footing again.