Various Anxieties About Life

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1

I’ve always had problems relating to social anxiety and self esteem, though I’ve managed to get through without help thus far, I guess I’ve hit a point where I’m tentatively considering seeking professional help.

After graduating poly I was going to find a job, but it took a year of being somewhat depressed and trying to get my health together before I actually got a part-time job, which I quit recently due to a multitude of reasons. Though I’m in a much better place than then, it feels like I’m going back to the cycle that I was in during that period (not feeling motivated to do chores/work on hobbies, tired most of the time, avoiding things that I need to do, feeling guilt around going out/spending money)

Part of the health problems is a repetitive stress injury: I love drawing and the injury was due to me ignoring my limits continuously till about 2 years ago when the pain became a lot more unavoidable. I’ve tried resting and other minor solutions to avoid seeking a physiotherapist but the pain continues to persist. Part of it is my concern about costs and guilt about seeking help. (“I’ll get better on my own” etc.)

I’m also going to apply for universities, but the only course I’m genuinely interested in is quite competitive to get into. My grades weren’t the best, and I’m very anxious during presentations and interviews so I tend to flunk them, which makes me feel like my chances are very slim.

Not being able to get myself to find a job, not being able to produce drawings I’m proud of, and my worries around uni applications weighs pretty heavy on my self-esteem. I feel like I’m not trying hard enough, but I know that I can’t push myself too hard without harming my health again. I can’t imagine a future for myself besides impractical dreams because it all just feels so unattainable.

Though I’m on good terms with family and friends, I don’t want to worry my family, and while my friends listen to my worries, I feel guilty for talking about these things to them over and over again. I don’t really know how to explain to family about seeking a therapist. I’m old enough to not require parental consent, yet it also doesn’t feel right for me to keep it a secret. Additionally, I’m not very sure how to go about finding a therapist.

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Hi @largeblackbird ! I hear that you’ve been experiencing some issues relating to anxiety and self-esteem. It sounds like there are a lot that you’re carrying right now and the fact that you’re thinking seriously about getting support is genuinely a meaningful step, not a small one. There’s a pattern where the things that are weighing on you (the injury, the job search, the uni applications) are all caught in the same loop: you’re aware that pushing too hard hurts you, but not moving forward also hurts you, and that tension is exhausting to live in. That’s not a character flaw or a lack of effort, it’s a genuinely difficult position to be in, and it makes sense that it’s affecting your motivation and mood.

On the physiotherapy side, have you considered what could possibly helped you instead? Eg. finding a theapist in Singapore, telling your family.